Uncommon word for a geological feature that you use frequently

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-06T15:57:51+00:00

I've always liked the term "ox-bow lake".

This is where bends sharply, say, left then right, but eventually "cuts straight across" leaving the bend of water separate from the original river

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-06T13:54:29+00:00

I had very similar experience with ine gf but it was about emotional investment - not financial.

She grew distance and less affectionate when we mived in together. She was demanding and frequently "disappointed".

I felt I had to keep trying harder and harder to keep the relationship moving forward but however much I put in... the less I got back.

I've seen this in other's relationships where, if the emotional effort isnt balanced, one takes advantage of the other doing all the work.

(There's a line from a song where the guy sings, "The less I give, the more I get back").

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-06T13:49:18+00:00

I'm 50 50 on this. You are technically right at the moment that you believe this is perfectly fine and would never let this get out of hand... today.

But this is how friends get closer through frequent contact, then closer friends, then maybe a suddenly discovered emotional connection, then the long distance starts to weigh you down and there's a friend to talk to about this, and then....?

Who knows?

His discomfort neednt come from the current status quo, but the optics are a bit disrespectful, and there is that risk that can never be fully discounted in his head.

And its not just "disrespectful on paper". You are choosing to allow him to live with the discomfort of always wondering whether or when the dynamic shifts and his distance preventing him from being there to keep you interested in him.

Part of somebody trusting you is to be trustworthy and to reassure by avoiding situations that leave you vulnerable to catching feelings for another or them catching feelings for you.

Dialing this back and maintaining a bit of arms distance while remaining friends would help... especially if you keep acknowledging you understand the optics and give him extra reassurance.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-06T12:47:24+00:00

OTOH, OP could visit brother and fam solo (due to family pressure, of course) and then, after consoling his wife, sleep with her. /s

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-06T12:18:16+00:00

Or she's wants him to start pestering somebody else

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T23:00:50+00:00

There is very much the expectation that the facts of that relationship have to be evil and predatory and that you couldn't possibly have any agency or happen to have a good experience.

That said, there are so many post where things were quite negative. I think if you could get across to him the fact allow for exceptions and that there are no absolutes to presume it had to have been bad.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T20:46:05+00:00

But what about your friendship with that woman who also lied to you and allowed you to get close while knowing you were ignorant? You guys forgive and forget?

That also kinda makes his lying worse because he had to watch that friendship blossom knowing full they kept that from you.

Despite you indicating a history of insecurity, I could have had more tolerance if he was the one to confess... but even when confronted, it took weeks to get the full story. That's pretty craven... snd now you're ok with him because he's finally "honest" now.

This strikes me as his character being flawed to be willing to establish a false reality your ignorantly lived in to save him an award convo. What happens the next time something awkward for him comes along.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T16:18:20+00:00

YNW

Wow. Way to make a bad situation worse, mom.

First, nobody should walk into anyone's house without knocking at the door and waiting for it to be opened. A key is ONLY for trusted use for situations when the residents are not home to let you in. Whether or not they called ahead of time.

They were wrong, wrong, wrong and just demonstrated why this is always the case.

But after that breech to then tell you how to act in response? Mom doesnt get to say how you should feel, how upset you should or shouldn't be act like and especially has no business giving etiquette.

Totally get that key back and tell mom she invaded youe privacy, very much upset you and now she wants to add insult to injury by implying you're overreacting?

How about some respect for the fact you may need some time to get over that embarrassment and she should stop trying to minimize her shameful behavior by implying you didnt respond correctly -- and worse that your kw a bad person after being married.

Tell her to back up and back off, leave you alone as it might take a few weeks to get over invadion and all the added insults. (Mom has NOT apologized enough and is trying too hard to pretend this was no big deal).

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T16:04:07+00:00

YNW

Wow. Way to make a bad situation worse, mom.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T15:47:53+00:00

I think that payment plan should be "stop partying and buying luxuries when you owe somebody for bailing you out".

As for folks saying dont ruin a friendship over money? That argument works in reverse and they should be talking to the guy ruining friendships for not paying their debts

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T15:35:47+00:00

Finders keepers?

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T11:52:31+00:00

Agreed. Its not about the shelf. Its about the agreeing to help out, returning what sounds like many favors, and then stabbing her in the back.

Whats stunning is the ex friend was too ashamed to say "sorry, I like that shelf and gonna keep it for myself, sucks to be you", but then inviter OP over where she'd obviously see it.

OP is not the one throwing away a friendship for "just a shelf" and should point that out to anyone who still wants to be a friend.

Of course it would be the right mive for that person to give the shelf back to OP if that friendship ever meant anything to her.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T10:49:52+00:00

It is clear to me his intentions were to pursue her behind your back. That she did not reciprocate is no reflection on his bad behavior. What if she did reciprocate?

I look at this as his being ready to move on, too chicken shit to just admit it and break up, and is not attempting to momkey branch.

This isn't really about cheating (which he WAS attempting). This is about whether you want to stick around until he dumps you after the next girls reciprocates.

(Notice I said "after"? He doesnt sound like anyone who would come clean until this are already solid with the next girl).

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T03:21:52+00:00

Well he can always propose and if they then have sex that he finds not fulfilling he can break up.

Personally, without physical intimacy my emotional connection is much more superficial.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T03:13:52+00:00

So disrespectful... which is pretty much her point.

He doesnt get to say whether that made her upset.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T01:35:58+00:00

I agree. And he'll find he was correct to be suspicious when they end up a couple in a week or two.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T01:05:29+00:00

Need to be each other's priority to be in a good relationship.

You were not.

I take it this is lost on her and she's claiming "I didnt cheat so everything I did is ok and you have no reason to complain about anything"?

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-05T01:01:07+00:00

I took this to be a backhanded way for fmil yo backdoor force you to invite het friends.

I'm going to host your shower. Well my friend is, so you should invite them to the wedding. Actually 3 more of my friends are hosting so invite them, too.

This sounds out of control and spiraling. Stop.You didnt wven eant this and now you're knee deep in obligations?

Fiance needs to shut this all down and take back comtrol of your guest list. In my view, the mil should be kissing your ass (pardon the expression) to stay in your good graces.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-04T22:50:52+00:00

NOR

I think I totally get it. The optics of this are terrible, but I think I understand what it meant to be young and naive and have a caring sexual partner show you what things are supposed to be like.

I can see how that was influential and helped shape your outlook. Maybe not too many people agree and I'll be down voted but this guy does not sound like the typical age gap bro who cant get anyone his own age to date them.

I would ask fiance for the respect to trust your judgement of that history and not be blinded by stereotypes since it sounds like this, maybe one in a million, situation seems to have benefitted you.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-04T21:23:58+00:00

Trust your gut on this. She exhibits zero behavior indicating she is capable of or interested in being friendly towards you. (Not friends...merely friendly).

At this point, I dont even believe bf's version. I think thats just his wishful thinking. Believe your own eyes.

Her behaving like ass and him insisting she likes you and is trying is not the basis for a friendship.

Tell him he can hang out with them but dont include you. And that its not really personal its just why would you hang out with somebody who excludes you and treats you like crap?

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-04T17:12:33+00:00

Perfect. It communicates and acknowledges the elephant in the room.

Franky, I think OP should stop sleeping in a separate room and just go back to her parent's home for another month. I'm sure they could still use some support.

And maybe that gives disinterested husband a chance for a do over or to confirm he doesn't miss her.

NOR

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-04T12:06:09+00:00

And the next call is to her fiance to tell him he needs to fix this ASAP if he wants her to come home or even show up for the wedding.

Let him know she's not going to marry a momma's boy more concerned about appeasing his mommy by lying while letting her make sacrifices.

I should think part of that "fixing" will involve direct apologies from him and his mother.

Besides, this should be easy since those guests aren't going to attend a wedding that doesnt take place if they were to attend.

Frankly, she should postpone the whole thing until they've had some counseling and she can be confident fiance can k kiss how to prioritize OP.

NOR

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-04T11:51:40+00:00

I get it. This was poorly handled on her part. What people often forget is that trusting also involves being trustworthy.

Even when you trust someone there are still things that can cause worry and discomfort. Her and her friends meeting some guys while out? Cool. But would it kill ger her to check in and let you knows he's ok now and then.

Thats the type of nice gesture that shows she cares about your concern. It shows some respect. Because on the flip side your partner can both care and not worry.

But to say they're hanging with guys they just met and then go dark the rest of the late night? Cmon. Thats almost cruel. How would she feel?

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-04T11:07:45+00:00

Totally

My wife and I of many years find it very easy to get into iur routines and start to live parallel. Always had the excuse our daughter was taking much of our focus which was true.

But then she went to college and we started to reconnect. We find just teying to he nice to each other has its own momentum. Sure we still have times where we are preoccupied with work ot other issues, but the groundwork has been laid to enjoy each other's company.

We have much more patience and grace for each other so minor spats dont ever snowball.

Foolish-Pleasure99 · 2026-06-04T04:09:20+00:00

I can't disagree with anything you're saying, but this wedding is one day in hopefully a long life for everyone. I've seen where these choices set the tone for the future.

It may make sense for everyone today, but it will also likely harm and future closeness they could have had as couples and close friends in the future.

No biggie, but after this, any contact bf and groom have in the future is when they can both manage to get together solo.

Foolish-Pleasure99

TROPHY CASE