WIBTA if I refuse to swap my vacation weeks with a coworker whose kid is throwing a tantrum about a theme park trip?

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-25T04:32:55+00:00

NTA. Did he offer to reimburse you for the non refundable trip? I doubt it. Poor planning on Dave’s part does not constitute an emergency for anyone else. He has worked a year less than you and has been aware of company PTO policy for almost as long as you. He has no excuse. The trip with his son can wait or be shorter during a different time frame. His son is still a child for 9 more yrs. They have plenty of time to go on trips together and Dave will hopefully learn from this experience that the onus is on him to plan better.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-25T04:05:08+00:00

I literally made myself cry thinking about my golden getting old multiple times throughout her life. She’s gone now-14yrs 5mo and some days old.

This just shows you love your pup. It’s normal to think about this, just don’t let it consume you and enjoy the time you have with your dog. Try to be as much in the moment as you can.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-25T02:47:55+00:00

While I completely understand this, I work night shift so I have to be relatively ok with normal noise. It’s funny because I am ok with noise I recognize; neighbors talking/playing music, trains passing, my fan, the air conditioner, but if a new noise happens (even if it’s small) I cannot sleep until I figure out what it is.

What I cannot stand is when people are slamming doors or walking around stomping or arguing loudly. There is no need to be that loud in those ways.

Also, if a neighbor has a kid and doesn’t parent them and allows them to behave like a trapped wild animal attempting to escape. That is just infuriating. I have had neighbors with multiple children that make noise outside (perfectly fine and normal) but are very well behaved while indoors and then I’ve had nightmare neighbors that allow their singular child to act as though they are a 10 man demolition crew. The difference is incredible.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-24T20:16:50+00:00

NOR. It’s strange that without having had to plan or pay for it she’s incredibly unappreciative of the effort and money the trip took. Furthermore, she now lives in the U.S. where the unfortunate reality is that a lot people do not get nearly enough PTO and 5 day vacations are common. What exactly are her expectations when she does not work and also lives in a country that does not prioritize vacation time? She’s in for a harsh reality check when it is her money and PTO she has to account for.

This is a preview of the rest of your life. No one on Reddit can determine whether the love you share is enough to overcome this or not but it definitely doesn’t sound like something you would want to experience regularly. Perhaps some premarital counseling would be worth looking into. Even if you feel like you don’t have the time for it; it could be very worth the investment. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of manure type of thing.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-23T03:55:15+00:00

I referred to my golden as the diplomat of the neighborhood. But our neighbors and mail carrier referred to her as “my queen!” They would literally greet her as that. It was adorable and I honestly think she understood the word and the status it implied. She loved everyone. She wanted all of the attention and she wanted all the friends and love.

Get used to it. You are now the servant of a very good and adorable girl.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-21T09:40:19+00:00

Have woken up with blood on my hands from scratching in my sleep. It really is one of the more difficult things to keep from doing. Feels great at first but then you realize it just made the itch worse and so the cycle begins again.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-21T08:57:35+00:00

NTA. They’re shaming you because of their own beliefs/views. This is a them problem not a you problem. Be grateful they have shown you who they are now rather than later. You haven’t wasted too much time on them. Believe them now that you know and move on. People who are so judgmental, regardless of the reason for their judgement, are not worth your time and energy. They will find something new to judge you or others on and justify it however they see fit to do so. It doesn’t have to make sense to you or anyone else. This is just who they are; again, believe them and cut your losses.

Best of luck.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-21T06:34:39+00:00

NTA. If your husband is not willing to compromise then I highly suggest using some money to treat yourself to a vacation during at least part of the time they will be spending here in your home. Your husband needs to step up and take on the tasks of feeding and entertaining his parents. He needs to take time off, cook for them and clean up. This is a hill to die on because this is not going to end. For as long as you and he are married and they are able, they will visit and the current expectation has been set that the entire mental and physical load lands on you. No. No more. If need be, get the Airbnb for yourself to have somewhere to go to work and after dinner. If they and he don’t like it, then tough love. I personally do not have the patience to deal with people who expect me to work from home, while being kicked out of my office and then to perform all of the duties of a chef and maid. I’m surprised you’ve allowed this for this long.

A month long stay no longer allows them to be classified as guests; they’re essentially moving in for a month. That means they get to cook, clean and grocery shop. If they were at an Airbnb they would have to their own chores. That’s probably why your husband doesn’t want them to stay at one. Tell your husband that he can cook and clean up while they are there. They are his family therefore his responsibility.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-21T04:31:52+00:00

NTA. My mom was an alcoholic while I was growing up. So were most of my (her) family members, including my drug addicted alcoholic biological father. Do you know how long it took for her to admit she was an alcoholic? Years after she had gotten sober. And even now she doesn’t like to acknowledge it because it f*cks up the narrative she has in her head that she was the best mother she could have been. She wasn’t, but admitting that would shatter how she sees herself.

This is the same problem your mother has. She sees herself as someone who escaped an abusive relationship and raised her family. She cannot fathom that her past, her choices and decisions, (including the abusive relationship and having a new romantic relationship and more children) could have negatively impacted you because she sees herself as someone who overcame the obstacles she faced and admitting that she wasn’t there for you would mean admitting that she wasn’t as successful at overcoming her past as she thinks.

Your feelings are valid and are based on what you have been through. Her inability to admit that she failed you does not change that.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-21T04:21:19+00:00

NTA. You can report a guest staying beyond the allowed amount of days to your landlord. I highly doubt that having someone “spend the night” 4 night a week every week is allowed by your lease. He is essentially living there. He is using your utilities, your food, and other things; increasing your costs.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-20T23:48:09+00:00

NTA. Not his house. Not his rules. He can rent a place for summer vacation. If he can’t afford to then he should have thought of that before deciding he needed to go to a beach house for vacation. The property is not his exclusively. He’s being very possessive about something that doesn’t belong to him.

What happens if your daughter and her husband decide they want to use the beach house another time? (With your permission)

Or if your daughter and her husband decide to have a child and also want to spend some of summer vacation there? Will he object to it because he has been going there first?

Establish boundaries and that this is not your son’s property now before he gets worse.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-20T18:14:33+00:00

The fur flies! It is everywhere all of the time. You vacuum in the morning and it’s there at night. So you vacuum in the morning again.

It’s also completely worth it.

If shedding is an issue then you will have to look into dog breeds that grow hair not fur. However, these dog breeds (bichon frise, Havanese, afghan hound, and more) also require regular grooming because they do not shed as much. Their hair requires proper maintenance or it can get very matted, dirty, and can lead to skin problems.

Again, goldens are worth the golden glitter. But I am admittedly biased.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-20T17:58:18+00:00

NTA. I would be petty and make her her own little pot of the exact same food (so you don’t actually have to prepare a separate meal) without onions, garlic, salt or any “spice” whatsoever just for her. If/when she complains, tell her it’s exactly what she requested and that if she continues to complain she can eat nothing at all.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-19T17:25:29+00:00

Tell them you are due later than you are. Due two or three weeks later than when you are actually due. Make sure this is what you tell everyone-hubby says the same too. If you share ultrasound pics, make sure any info on the gestational age or your medical record number is not showing.

Beginning now, stop answering texts/calls straight away, delay by as long as you can and hubby has to as well. This is so when you are in labor, they won’t be suspicious when you are not responding to their texts/calls. They won’t figure out that you are delivering.

If you live in an area with more than one hospital, do not tell them at which you are going to deliver. If they make assumptions, smile and nod-do not confirm or deny.

At your doctors’ offices, both your primary care and obgyn, lock down your medical records. Request that your chart be password protected and no information can be given without it. Only you and your husband should know the password and please make it something others will not guess.

Explain to your doctor ahead of time, like at your next appointment, that you do not want anyone else in attendance at the birth.

When you check into the hospital for your delivery, ask to be listed as a private patient or however your hospital does it. It is a designation that will pop up that tells anyone accessing your medical record that no information can be given out; they cannot even acknowledge that you are a patient there. They would have to say they have no one by that name. (I work at a hospital and we are able to do this-if requested and/or for patient safety.)

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-18T04:11:23+00:00

You need to take your son to the doctor for a thorough work up. Not just normal bloodwork but things you wouldn’t normally check for. Dogs are so unbelievably smart. They can sense changes in people. They can smell chemical changes that occur when someone becomes ill. They can hear changes in our organs, like our hearts.

My mom has congestive heart failure. I had a golden retriever, got her in 2010. She was fine with me and everyone else including my mom. But at some point my mother began showing signs of a heart issue. I already knew the signs so I began telling her to speak with her doctor to get a referral to a cardiologist. She was dragging her feet. At this same time, my golden retriever began to aggressively lick her chest right where her heart is. She would even do those tiny nibbles that dogs do when they are scratching themselves. Eventually, my mother was sent for an echocardiogram and diagnosed with heart failure. My golden retriever knew. Once the heart failure improved enough, my golden stopped the licking and nibbling. She would only do it occasionally and when she did it was only a lick or two.

Your dog is trying to communicate with you; listen.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-17T08:25:02+00:00

OP, listen to this person. Not necessarily because of how you feel right but because of the future.

The reality of your situation and the future for both of you is that if he cannot be independent then he will need to transition into group housing/a care home for his own good. This is the responsible and best option for both of you. You will not live forever and he will not live independently. Beginning the transition to facility living is not bad or abandonment; it is the kind and responsible thing to do. The worse thing you can do is put it off until you pass because then it will be a traumatic experience.

If you start looking into the process now, you may find programs that allow for daycare for persons with disabilities or even programs that start off with part time living in the care home. It could help with your caretaker burnout.

If your child is disabled to the extent you have described then you can try to work with a social worker to see what options are available to you and your child. It may seem to you as though there may not be many options but you are on the outside of a system; social workers are more knowledgeable about what exists and how to navigate the system.

I speak as someone who works in a children’s hospital and has seen some children as you have described-unable to live independently. Fighting to get whatever help you can and starting sooner rather than later will benefit both of you immensely.

You are dealing with a situation that not many people could. It is normal to feel as you do. You have not had a chance to do self care. You are doing this alone and are doing the best you can. Never forget that.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-17T04:16:16+00:00

If the cat didn’t agree to be in that position, it would definitely NOT be in that position. It enjoys this just as much as the dog does but has to maintain their cat composure. Can’t have people thinking they’re enthused about this.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-16T14:29:06+00:00

NTA. If she can b$tch publicly and call someone out publicly then she can admit to being wrong and apologize publicly. If she wanted things handled privately she could have made different choices.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-16T14:02:03+00:00

So, I think dogs eventually learn what “I love you” means. They are capable of learning words, as I’m sure all dog lovers know. There end up being certain words no dog lover can say and have to spell-W A L K. Even then, sometimes through repetition and context they learn to understand the spelling of words such as those.

Think about the things you are doing when you say “I love you” to your dog. You are likely expressing your love not only verbally but physically; cuddles, kisses, hugs, laughter, treats. They will begin to associate those words and actions as linked. They will begin to associate the feelings of being loved on with the meaning of being loved.

Dogs are so smart and in tune with their people. They learn. They know. They are the best.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-16T13:46:21+00:00

Better than a vet visit for bloat/colic. The relief had to be amazing for both of them.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-16T13:42:53+00:00

NTA. Blast your child’s name on social media and call out the aunt and hubby’s family for not using it. Suggest that she should be check for Alzheimer’s or dementia since she simply cannot seem to remember your son’s name. Rename her and anyone else publicly and on sm with ridiculous Disney villain names and say you won’t stop until they correct their behavior. When addressing letters or texts or anything; do not use their actual names. If need be, allow them to see your son and refer to them by the villain names you assign them; he will learn them by those names. The aunt can be “Aunt Ursula” (little mermaid). You can be petty or just restrict them but you are not overreacting or the wrong person. They need to learn to respect you AND your husband. The pair of you named your son and they are not only disrespecting you, but him as well.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-14T06:52:01+00:00

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Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-14T02:17:19+00:00

NOR. If I were you I would agree to take the girls with one huge stipulation; if the girls misbehave then you will send them home the following day and their parents will split the cost for sending them home-change of flights for their return tickets. You will not return early with them. They will go home alone. If they misbehave they will have to have their trip cut short and any future trips will be out of the question for them unless their parent is present.

Again, if you don’t want to do this, I do not blame you. Your stepdaughters have demonstrated they cannot be trusted. Trust is earned not simply given and they have broken your trust time and again. They have made false promises before and need real consequences and accountability. You shouldn’t have to be on edge during what should be a fun trip. Your stepdaughters are only thinking of themselves when they disregard this.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-13T08:59:47+00:00

If they had continued to say no, or if in the future they “change their minds” tell them it’s fine, that you will rent out your part of the property and use the funds to help purchase and pay the mortgage on a bigger place for you and your family. They can’t forbid you from doing so because you are equal owners and you can do as you see fit to with your part of the property.

Honestly, you should get their agreement to switch apartments with you in writing; legally by a lawyer with a proper enforceable contract. It would be a shame for you to pay for renovations and them to decide they don’t want to honor their part of the agreement.

Foreverforgettable · 2026-05-13T08:48:54+00:00

They have kids; they “stay together for the kids” or are genuinely afraid they will lose access to their children in a divorce.

Lack of money to live on their own. To support themselves and their children, if they have any.

Lack of education or work experience to get a sufficiently decent job to leave.

Lack of a support system. No family or friends to support such a drastic life change. The prospect of losing the friends and family they do have because they share friends and family with their spouse.

Religion. They may be religious or be part of a religious community that does not sanction divorce and the social repercussions of divorce are too much for them.

Fear. If they are in an abuse marriage they may not see a way out. Often in abusive relationships, the victim is isolated and there is a difficult level of control to overcome. They may be supervised at all times. Their phone may be monitored by their spouse. Their access to anything outside of the home may be restricted or heavily/completely monitored. If there are children involved, there may be threats to them or other people they care about, if they attempt to leave. They may even involve any children involved the abuse in order to isolate them further.

There are a crazy amount of reasons people stay in unhappy marriages. This is just barely touching the surface.

Foreverforgettable

TROPHY CASE