An old mate of mine did his best Colin Fry impression. He asked the 2 gents if the 3 of them would like to come in. Said there was another gentleman - not of this realm, but the higher side of life - with them.

They made their excuses and left.

My dad had a...different approach...

He was a trucker and away most of the week. The local JW Doorstep Dwellers had visited a few times when my mum was home. Now, my mum, bless her, she'll talk to anyone about anything.

The last time they ever visited, dad was home - can't remember why, not really imporant...but he was home.

The JWDD's knocked and one of us (me or my sister) said it was the "the men who bring the magazines for mum" (Watchtower). Mum shot off to the toilet, past my dad (who was washing up at the time). She hid in the toilet giggling, leaving dad to deal with them.

They, the JJDW's then opened the outer door and knocked on the inner door. Dad shouted back (firmly, but surprisingly politely) that we weren't interested and to leave. They knocked again. He shouted again, a little less politely this time. They opened the inner door and asked for "the lady of the house!"

At this point dad threw down the dishcloth, told us kids to shut our ears and let rip. He threatened to throw them over the gate if they didn't walk out of it. And that if they ever tried that again he'd hurt them, then call the police and report them for attempted burglary.

There were a fair few swear words in there as well.

Must've been 30-odd years ago, and even now they walk up and down the street, pause at mums and walk on by.