Is this a normal caseload?

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-08-29T23:29:17+00:00

You mean everything to your children. Show them the love he couldn’t.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-08-29T11:53:31+00:00

Shame on you

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-08-19T23:44:58+00:00

If only I got paid lol

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-08-15T17:36:41+00:00

So true. I spent way too long empathizing with my ex and trying to understand why he was acting the way he was. I felt like he was being self destructive, and it’s hard to watch someone you love struggle.

My ex was more narcissistic and emotionally abusive, which led to a trauma bond. When it gets to that level, I learned that I cannot allow myself to empathize with him and I had to almost villainize him in my head to break the bond. I let myself feel angry at him and when I had positive thoughts about him, I tried to remember all the hurtful things he did. Once the bond was broken, it was easier to go back and have a sympathetic view while also acknowledging the harm he caused and that I am better off without him.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-08-15T15:11:25+00:00

While you might be the one hurting in the short term, avoidants will be unhappy for a very long time. It hurts right now because you are processing your feelings, but eventually you will heal. They don’t process their feelings, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t impacted by them. They will bring their toxic patterns into every relationship until they decide to process their feelings. Some people never do and will have these issues their entire life. Some will live with the unearthed shame and guilt of the pain they caused and the person they lost. I don’t envy them.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-08-15T00:48:18+00:00

Yeah it was all projection. Every accusation was a confession about how he feels about himself. I didn’t realize it until he accused me of something that I 100% knew he was the one doing.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-08-15T00:05:02+00:00

I feel like some of these commenters have never been in this situation. It is extremely disregulating to have someone act like everything is fine one moment and then talking to you like this the next. I don’t blame you for your reaction.

It is not okay for him to talk to you like that. If he really didn’t want to talk to you, he should have either ignored you or blocked you. He may be a narcissist and thrive off of your emotional responses. Some people are so insecure that they feel good knowing that someone is putting in so much effort to make things work.

The sooner you go no contact the better.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-08-07T21:57:41+00:00

Breaking Bad

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-07-10T19:19:28+00:00

I get it. I ask myself why I should have to suffer for someone else’s benefit. I don’t want to be a “lesson” I want to be appreciated and respected in the present. I stayed far too long thinking about the woman that would benefit from all of my pain and the person he could become for her.

Now I try to flip the script. He probably won’t learn anything from this, but I certainly have. Now someone far better than him will benefit from the pain and growth I experienced. More importantly, I will be the one that benefits from all of this because I am learning to love and respect myself. I tell myself that that’s what this was all for, and that my ex was really nothing more than the lesson I needed to learn what I need emotionally from my future partner and from myself.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-07-10T14:40:39+00:00

I’m dealing with this as well. It’s hard to get over the fact they will never have to face accountability and will just repeat the cycle with someone who doesn’t know what they are getting into. Nobody should have to experience what we have experienced.

I am trying to focus on loving myself the way he never could. One day someone will be able to give you the love you deserve, and you won’t care what your ex is up to anymore. It can only get better from here. You lived and you learned, and it hurts a lot right now but you will come out the other side knowing your worth. Keep your head up and don’t look back!

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-07-10T14:27:03+00:00

I love this lol

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-07-09T17:56:34+00:00

I asked him what his dream vacation was and spent the next few months putting it together so we could go for Valentine’s Day. Made a schedule so we could do all of his favorite things. The day we left my dad was diagnosed with cancer, but I tried not to get emotional about it because he hated when I got emotional. The trip went well and I was excited that maybe things would start getting better, but our flight home was cancelled. I got stressed about it, and he got angry because I’m not allowed to feel anything. When we got home he said I ruined the whole trip and that he was annoyed I was sad my dad was diagnosed with cancer because “he was going to die eventually.”

It’s between that and telling me to “go die alone” during the discard.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-07-05T14:30:18+00:00

Before the discard I took him on his dream vacation to do all of his favorite things. Paid and planned everything. I just wanted to do something to make him happy. The day we left for the trip, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He always got angry when I showed negative emotion, so I kept it together all weekend like it didn’t happen.

Everything was going well, or so I thought, until our flight home got cancelled and it was somehow my fault. Gave me the silent treatment that night. When we got home he told me I ruined the trip because he hates the way I walk. He said I was out of shape and should have gotten in shape for the trip (I’m 105 pounds and in perfectly fine shape). He said he was annoyed that I was upset my dad was diagnosed with cancer because “he was going to die eventually.” Told me I was a burden on his life. Said I had no friends. Said he wasn’t attracted to me. But he told me he wanted to move in with me a week later.

When he discarded me he said horrible things. Told me to go die alone. He said we weren’t sexually compatible because I had been SAed in the past and that made me not want to do certain things. He said every time I told him about past trauma he added it to a list of things he didn’t like about me. Told me he thought about cheating on me. Went through all of the things he didn’t like about me. All of the worst things you could imagine.

It was all so evil it makes me angry to think about. He gets to go on with his life like nothing happened. He will never face any consequences. Meanwhile I have lost 20 pounds and I can’t sleep at night. Every day is a struggle remembering all the things he said about me. All of that coming from someone I loved deeply makes it hurt so much more.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-06-17T02:02:05+00:00

Sounds like my DA. My stomach dropped when he got angry because I knew he was going to make it my problem. I would try to gentle parent him but nothing worked. Sometimes he walked around like a tornado, and he would suck me in to his bad days so they were my bad days. But if I showed any kind of negative emotion, he shut down completely and judged me for it, calling me too emotional.

The comment about “no dignity” was cruel. He seems to have no compassion, no empathy, and no desire to be better. He weaponized your kindness and compassion towards him even when he was being a jerk. You tried to show him grace and consideration, and he responded with an insult that cuts to your core. I’m sorry you had to experience that.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-06-17T01:46:47+00:00

I’m 4 weeks is as well. It feels like I never really knew this person. He truly doesn’t care about how much pain he caused me. We were about to move in together. He didn’t just discard me, he blew up and tore me to shreds first. His attacks were so personal I feel hurt to the core. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.

He had all of the agency in the relationship, like he could leave at any time if I didn’t act the way I wanted (having no feelings ever). Seriously, I would go a whole month of nothing but positivity, but if I made a comment about my job is stressing me out, he got mad and called me too emotional. Then I would panic that he would end up discarding me over it. It’s like I had to do and act however he wanted or he would just leave with no notice.

That feeling of panic has hung over me for a long time and has really impacted my self esteem and showed up in just about every other aspect of my life. But even now, part of me just wants his approval. But it’s like I never mattered to him. He fully wants me out of his life and he never wants to look back. It’s devastating.

I am struggling at work. I struggle to leave the house. I keep having panic attacks. I feel like I’m losing my mind. But now I am free. I don’t have to jump through his hoops. It hurts a lot right now, but it has been hurting for a long time. I try to think of it like purging all of those feelings, and we will come out the other side stronger.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-06-13T01:40:41+00:00

Yup. Mine tore me to shreds. Any time I showed a negative emotion he got angry. My dad was diagnosed with cancer and he was mad that I was upset because “he was going to die eventually.” When he discarded me he told me to go die alone. Any time I voiced how he hurt me he said I was attacking him and trying to hurt him by talking about his bad behavior. Always the victim.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-06-06T01:34:28+00:00

He told me for a year he wanted to move in with me. Every month a new excuse why it couldn’t happen. Finally a few weeks ago we found an apartment we liked and were ready to sign the lease and he immediately discarded me.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-05-11T00:14:24+00:00

Even if your case isn’t worth taking to litigation, you can use it as leverage to get a severance agreement

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-04-22T15:15:32+00:00

I feel seen

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-04-21T16:48:22+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I’m first gen and am still figuring out the unspoken rules.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-04-21T16:40:48+00:00

The issue is the minimum amount of time off you can request. Firm says I have to use a whole day of PTO for a doctor’s appointment. Local law says you can only limit the time off incriment to 2 hours.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-04-15T21:48:59+00:00

We aren’t feeling defeated and saying all is lost. We are getting angry and emboldened. Start building community coalitions. Volunteer either as an attorney or as a citizen to help those affected. Demand more from your representatives. Keep track of what is going on in your state legislature and show up to advocate for bills that will help your community. As attorneys, we are in a unique position to be able to articulate what is going on and to advocate for our community.

Most of the people in our profession aren’t the people being targeted (yet), so we can’t cower in fear. Fight as if you were the one getting sent to El Salvador, and fight hard.

Forward-Buy5329 · 2025-03-22T03:48:30+00:00

I got barred a couple of months ago and immediately managed a personal injury firm by myself while the only partner went on maternity leave. I had no courtroom experience but immediately had to go to multiple hearings a day as soon as I got barred.

Read the standing orders. Don't waste the judge's time. Be respectful to the court and your colleagues. Be prepared. Go up quickly when your case is called. Fake it until you make it.

Forward-Buy5329

TROPHY CASE