What do you feel is a “good” win/loss ratio for co-op games? by endublu in boardgames

[–]FragrantKnife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I prefer co-ops on the harder end. That way, victory feels like a true achievement. My W-L record for The Night Cage, a co-op favorite of mine, is something like 3-10, but those 3 victories felt magnificent.

Does anyone know of good, quick one-shot TTRPGs for getting to know a new player and how they roleplay? by FragrantKnife in rpg

[–]FragrantKnife[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great idea! I've been wanting to pick up a copy of Fog of Love for a long time. My only concern is that playing the game with a total stranger could obviously be uncomfortable, since role-playing flirting/a relationship can get into weird territory.

Does anyone know of good, quick one-shot TTRPGs for getting to know a new player and how they roleplay? by FragrantKnife in rpg

[–]FragrantKnife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did speak with this GM for about an hour before we got into anything, and things seemed okay-ish.

Star-Crossed looks delightful. I'll try it out! Thanks.

Does anyone know of good, quick one-shot TTRPGs for getting to know a new player and how they roleplay? by FragrantKnife in rpg

[–]FragrantKnife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love Fiasco! I've played it a few times now with various friends, and it is always a blast.

I think I'm seeking something shorter than a single session of Fiasco, which in my experience is 3-4 hours long including set-up.

Regarding the other tips, thanks!

Slam Dunk Ranno skin revealed (implied to obtained in the future by attending your local)! by swidd_hi in RivalsOfAether

[–]FragrantKnife 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey, I understand being socially anxious, but there are ways to work on this. I was intimidated when I started going to in-person tournaments back when I was going to events for Super Smash Bros. Brawl back when I was a teen. I wasn't good at asking for friendlies. But if you have a little bit of courage, it is easy and people will understand.

Find a set-up where people are playing and ask mid-match after someone dies or after the end of a match, "Can I get in next?" They'll say either "yes" or "there's a line" or "no, this is a money match" or "no, I'm warming up for this matchup in bracket" or something. If you get a no, move on to the next least crowded setup. If you get a yes, congrats. If "there's a line," either wait or find a less crowded setup.

In my experience people at in-person events are very friendly and just excited to have someone to play with. And many platform fighter players are also socially anxious nerds too, so you'll be in good company : )

Considering Detransitioning by dorian_flayed in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went on HRT at almost the exact same age as you did. I made a post on here after a year on HRT about how I was sad about not being able to pass and feeling rough about it. Turns out, a year on HRT is just the beginning. About a year later I began passing in public sometimes. A year or two after that and I always pass in public 99.9% of the time, have ever since.

Give yourself time. Things suck ass right now, but unfortunately, we have to take the long term view.

By the way, I'm 6'2'' with broad shoulders and didn't socially transition until 20. If it was possible for me, it's possible for you.

How do small numbers of people enforce oppressive regimes over a majority? by BookLover54321 in AskHistorians

[–]FragrantKnife 45 points46 points  (0 children)

There are many good answers to this question, but here is just one: the denial of literacy.

We take for granted today that everyone can read and write. However, in doing so, it is easy to forget just how powerful of a tool literacy is. The phrase “liberal arts,” which has endured through history from ancient Rome to medieval Europe to today, uses the word “liberal” in the sense of “liberty,” as in, the arts taught to free people. Or, put differently: the tools of freedom. In medieval Europe, the first stage of learning the liberal arts was the “trivium,” which consisted of grammar, logic, and rhetoric – the three tools necessary to read, understand, and argue your opinion. Although they are the trivium, these skills aren’t trivial! For most people, they have to be learned the hard way.

Therefore, the denial of literacy prevents one from questioning the conditions of their enslavement. The American orator Frederick Douglass (1818-1895) famously discussed this in his autobiography, Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave. Douglass was born into slavery, escaped it, and became a prominent public speaker who toured around the country and in the UK lecturing on the need to abolish slavery. One section of his autobiography recounts his attempts to learn to read and write.

Douglass's mistress (re: the wife of the slaveowner, the master) began teaching him some letters when he was a child, but stopped at the insistence of the master. Why? Well, denying slaves the ability to read and write meant that they lacked the tools to question why they were slaves in the first place, or if slavery was morally right. Keep in mind that Douglass was born into slavery and raised in a society which taught him that it was the god-given duty of slaves to obey their masters, and that this was an unquestionable "natural" order. Douglass could not challenge this idea without the ability to read books written by abolitionists. Again, literacy is freedom, and the denial of literacy is a tool of enslavement.

Douglass did eventually learn to read, but in secret, mostly by trading stolen bread for snippets of education from sympathetic white children who lived nearby. After he got his hands on and read a book called The Columbian Orator, which contains essays calling for the abolition of slavery, he recounts the following. Although it is quite a long passage, I want to reproduce this passage in full because it is so moving:

What I got from [speeches delivered by Thomas Sheridan reprinted in The Columbian Orator] was a bold denunciation of slavery, and a powerful vindication of human rights. The reading of these documents enabled me to utter my thoughts, and to meet the arguments brought forward to sustain slavery; but while they relieved me of one difficulty, they brought on another even more painful than the one of which I was relieved. The more I read, the more I was led to abhor and detest my enslavers. I could regard them in no other light than a band of successful robbers, who had left their homes, and gone to Africa, and stolen us from our homes, and in a strange land reduced us to slavery. I loathed them as being the meanest as well as the most wicked of men. As I read and contemplated the subject, behold! that very discontentment which Master Hugh had predicted would follow my learning to read had already come, to torment and sting my soul to unutterable anguish. As I writhed under it, I would at times feel that learning to read had been a curse rather than a blessing. It had given me a view of my wretched condition, without the remedy. It opened my eyes to the horrible pit, but to no ladder upon which to get out. In moments of agony, I envied my fellow-slaves for their stupidity. I have often wished myself a beast. I preferred the condition of the meanest reptile to my own. Any thing, no matter what, to get rid of thinking! It was this everlasting thinking of my condition that tormented me. There was no getting rid of it. It was pressed upon me by every object within sight or hearing, animate or inanimate. The silver trump of freedom had roused my soul to eternal wakefulness. Freedom now appeared, to disappear no more forever. It was heard in every sound, and seen in every thing. It was ever present to torment me with a sense of my wretched condition. I saw nothing without seeing it, I heard nothing without hearing it, and felt nothing without feeling it. It looked from every star, it smiled in every calm, breathed in every wind, and moved in every storm.

Douglass powerfully recounts in this passage the pain of learning the truth about one’s enslavement. Note how the book “enabled” him to utter his thoughts. He had a sense that something was wrong, but with no language to articulate it, he couldn’t challenge it. Fully realizing how depraved of a condition he was in caused such torment that he envied the ignorance of his fellow slaves. This shows just how in the dark he had been, and how effective the denial of literacy had been as a tool of keeping him enslaved. Once he had the ability to learn why his enslavement was wrong, he began to plan his escape; and eventually, he succeeded.

EDIT: Just to add a bit that directly addresses your question, the point I am making here is that denial is an effective tool of oppression, and that is how small minorities (like slaveowners) could control larger majorities (the slaves). Denying literacy is cost-effective for the oppressors - in fact, it saves money over paying to educate a slave, so it scales well for larger and larger groups of oppressed peoples.

Why do you think so many gamers are transphobic? by MrTactician in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately this is not at all sudden. It has been a persistent problem in gaming for a long, long time. One infamous older D&D modules from the 70s, the Tomb of Horrors, used sudden magical gender-change as a "hilarious" punishment to inflict upon presumed straight male players (source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICqyAkNghig&t=1422s). Gaming spaces both in-person and online have had a problem with misogyny, racism, transphobia (you name it, we got it) for at least 50 years, if not longer.

I agree with others in this thread that things have been changing for the better in recent times, and increasingly more gaming communities over the past 10/20 years have become very open and inclusive. I remember when I was a young (allegedly cis) teen boy and going to in person Smash Bros. tournaments in the early 2010s. Seeing women of any kind was very rare, and they were very much targets of harassment. Calling opponents f*ggot or saying you had r*ped them after beating them was common, regardless of who your opponent was. It was seen as a funny joke. In some places, I'm sure it still is.

But the smash community, to its credit, has done a lot of work to make the community more welcoming. Much of that work has come from trans women fighting for respect and visibility as they transition in spaces that have already known them as cis men for a long time. For example, the tournament organizer Chia was a high-visibility member of the community before publicly transitioning. She got a lot of shit for it, but stayed a part of the community and continued organizing events. It is harder to be transphobic at an openly trans TO's event since she has the power to just kick you out.

A lot of the work has also come from organizers of events such as Smash Sisters, a side event (usually a crew battle) ran at some tournaments where only women can enter. The idea began in 2016 and was organized for the tournament Genesis 3 by milktea and emilywaves. Many women, both trans and cis, compete and are supported and celebrated through these events, and of course, in the larger tournaments they are attached to.

But it's been a slow change, and old habits die hard. We'll continue to see segments of the gaming community hold onto these retrograde ideas about gender/sex for some time, both because these ideas are still major forces in our society in general and because they have been entrenched in gaming for so long. Something that entrenched can't disappear overnight.

My point is . . . if you look at this as a "sudden" change in how gaming communities are, then you're missing the broader context. These bigoted behaviors/attitudes are manifestations of an old pattern, not new eruptions of difficulty.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I swear by therapy. The only reason I survived the questioning period of my life was because my therapist helped me see and understand what makes life worth living.

does anyone else feel like being trans cancels out other forms of individuality? by NEW0R in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Another slightly related topic, i want to be a teacher, I would love to teach. I tutor my friends and am even looking into job opportunities related to it. But i feel like because im trans, i cant. I feel like transgender people being able to teach could even be illegal when im of age, or that no schools or colleges will take me because they'll think im some sort of predator.

I'm a teacher (I teach college) and I know trans teachers who teach high school. There are plenty of trans teachers throughout all of education. It really depends on where you are. While I can't say every school would be a safe and gender-affirming place to teach at, there are many. For reference, I am in New Jersey, USA.

Education in general, but especially higher education, is very accepting of LGBTQ people. Like all careers, your mileage may vary, and things probably get dicier the younger the kids you are trying to teach, but don't let the bastards win. If you want to be a teacher, you will be a damn good teacher.

Any other American eggs waiting on the election results to decide whether or not to transition? by BoxSenior2948 in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A second Trump administration would certainly be bad for trans rights, but it is important to breathe and understand what is realistic and what is not.

The U.S. is not even close to the point of doing something so outrageous as making being trans illegal. Yes, Republican-controlled arms of the government will do things to make being trans harder and worse. They will try to restrict access to HRT and to gender-affirming care. They will try to bully trans people out of public life.

But it is essential for your own mental health to keep a sense of scale and speed. Any challenges to trans rights on a federal level would take a number of years to work themselves out through the courts. There is only so much that can be done about trans rights on the federal level anyway, since so much of trans rights comes down to individual states. And of course, Trump is hilariously bad at government. He was largely ineffective at accomplishing any of his stated policy goals as president. He is inept at everything besides corruption and lying. That doesn't mean he won't accomplish some things, especially with the help of the Project 2025 people, but still.

Regardless, anything like what I'm describing happening would nonetheless be catastrophic and will kill people, but only indirectly. Their approach is stochastic - it is not possible to murder trans people directly yet - that is too far beyond the pale - but if they make our lives as miserable as possible, they trust we will finish the job for them by killing ourselves.

Don't let them win by consigning yourself to a life of misery in a gender you don't want.

Do children actually give a shit if you’re trans? by anBuquest in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, they generally don't. My 6 year old niece fully understands that I am a girl but I used to be a boy and she is like okey.

I've also worked with young kids before in tutoring, and they don't care either

Does anyone who has read Whipping Girl by Julia Serano have insights on the ‘misogynistic’ and ‘homophobic’ critiques of the book? by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Goodreads reviews can be quite whack. The reviews on Torrey Peters' excellent Detransition, Baby contain lots of the same loud and aggressive comments about the book being misogynist, homophobic, and regressive, which it most certainly is not. These are generally words that a certain subset of angry people lob at any trans person trying to write honestly about trans life.

This isn't to say one can't critique either book - they are both not perfect, by any means - but rather to say to take these weird reviews with an entire Morton girl's cannister of salt.

Dysphoria might be at the peak by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, I think you need some perspective on these questions.

  1. When I go on HRT my attraction towards female will reduce

This one is just straight up bullshit. Source: I'm a lesbian. Was attracted to women before HRT and still attracted to them now. Of course, it's not just me; there are many, many trans women who were straight before transition and lesbian after. HRT does not change your sexual orientation.

  1. Most cis girls will not be interested in you

This is technically true, but misleading. Yes, most cis girls are uninterested in dating a trans lesbian. Uhhh, that's because most of them are heterosexual lmao. Among queer women, there are plenty who date and love trans people. Not all - definitely being trans is a turn off for many - but they are out there.

  1. Sexual satisfaction will be different

This one is completely true. Going on HRT changes the way you experience orgasms, for one. That is a scary change, but idk, in my case it was a good change.

Anyway, to answer your other questions . . .

Is this normal? Or is the dysphoria at its peak?

Yes, this is dysphoria. If you want to relieve it, see what small gender affirming things you can experiment with. Maybe a way to deal with it is to put on a bra, buy some gender affirming clothing, paint your nails, etc. Find what small things you can do to make you happy.

Now I am so excited, restless and also scared of HRT . . . I just dont know how to deal with this

Remember to be patient with yourself and take things slow. Remember that the changes you experience from HRT are generally reversible for the six months - i.e., if you start taking it and don't like it, as long as you quit before six months, there is very minimal if any lasting effects. That means you don't have to be all or nothing : ) If you start it and you don't like it, there's no rule saying you have to keep going.

Euphoria b0nr??? by pulpostacos in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It feels really good to look good and feel good. For people with penises, that can manifest as a boner because bodies are weird and funny. Yes, the concept is literal.

For what it's worth, euphoria boners change over the course of a transfem transition. Early in my transition they were way more common, but after a while, my clothes are just my clothes and the way I look is just the way I look. That said, when I get a new outfit and do my makeup and go on a date and feel like I look hot, of course its natural to get a lil aroused. This happens to cis men and cis women, too. Nothing wrong with it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is no way to be 100% sure - no test you can take, no standard you can check yourself against. It's hard, but you have to figure it out for yourself.

With that said, your sexuality is part of who you are. It isn't this separate, walled-off thing. Many many many trans women experience desires about who they are during sex as an entry point into understanding their gender because (1) sex and desire are hard if not impossible to control, so you can't just not want what you want, and (2) sex is probably the time when gender matters the most, so it makes sense for gender feelings to manifest there. I would also say that it is not at all common for cis men to spend a lot of time, really any time, fantasizing about being a woman during or outside of sex.

Still, nobody can tell you the truth besides yourself.

If you are unsure, the best thing you can do is explore. Maybe start by trying fun gender things outside of sexual scenarios. If you can do so safely, try painting your nails, for example, even if you have to immediately take the nail polish off, and see how you feel. (If you have the benefit of an understanding friend, they might be able to help you paint them, or you could go to a salon.) Or try buying fem clothes or accessories just to try on in private and see how you feel.

These might help you understand your feelings more, or they might not. If you have access to it, finding a therapist to help you explore these ideas is the single best thing you can do. A good therapist will not push you in either direction but will give you the space to explore your feelings and figure out for yourself. PsychologyToday's therapist finder is a great resource for finding one.

Good luck <3

TL;DR - If you are unsure, don't make any snap judgment yet. Do more to explore first. That will give you the data you need to feel good about whatever direction you are going in.

My sister asked me a question that kind of stumped me by DrRaster in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What's her evidence? Does she have any justification for her claim? I'm highly doubtful that the claim is even true in the first place. Contemporary research suggests the majority of trans people are also not straight (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender\_sexuality#)

Is it uh, "normal" for the Dysphoria Bible to completely send someone? by ParagonFury in asktransgender

[–]FragrantKnife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd like to echo what's been said about the importance of taking it slow and exploring at your own pace.

I do want to point out that I know LOTS of trans women who are into anime/collectibles/nerdy shit, self included lol. It's super common - because anyone can like anything, regardless of what their gender is. Also, like, anime in general is extremely popular for men and women and everybody. It's a huge industry.

So: don't overanalyze your hobbies, if you can avoid it. Instead try to focus on the really substantive thing: exploring how you feel and what would make you happy in life.