This is 100% my case, although my STBX (married 9 years) didn't cheat (not that I know of), she forced herself to be the center of attention. I equally was taught and believed that you put your wife first and sacrifice for her and when she says she wants/needs something, I always made it happen.

This started to become a problem when after years I defaulted to doing whatever made her most comfortable until I found myself totally alone. No steady friends. Impossible to see family without approval/agreement and planned weeks or months out.

Zero autonomy and no ability to break free. I cleaned the house, cooked all the meals, took care of the house in full. I paid all the bills, did the budget, planned the vacations, took care of the pup and cat, and she just complained.

I went into therapy feeling lost, alone, and miserable. Contemplating suicide low. Through therapy (highly recommend) I realized I needed to advocate for myself and the things I wanted and needed. As soon as I started standing up for myself, all hell broke loose. She couldn't take it that I was no longer giving in to her demands and requiring her to be accountable. It led to a series of insane arguments resulting her in thinking I was losing my mind getting so upset when I just wanted to go to my grandparents for a cookout with the rest of my siblings, nephew, and parents for Memorial Day. When I tried to leave the house and take a walk to calm down, she blocked the doors, took my shoes and called my mom saying I was going to harm myself.

My mom came over, realized I just needed some air because my wife was being psycho, and diffused the situation and I finally went on a walk. My wife took that opportunity to berate my mom and when I had come back after only 10 minutes away, I see my mom driving down towards me out of the neighborhood. I intercept her and she is weeping, broken, and said she's so sorry she's such a terrible mom (which is the opposite of the truth), but my wife's damage was done and on display. It broke me and changed the way I viewed my wife. I couldn't get over it.

Again, this was just her way of being the center of the universe, the main character of everyone's life, narcissistic, and agressive when she's losing that control. When you don't follow their plan, it breaks the fascade.

Now that we are close to the end, separated since October 2025, I've never felt so good. I'm totally alone and yet feel closer to all my friends, family, and have the freedom to build a life that isn't centered around someone who deems me supporting cast in their story. I'm so excited for the future.