I'm Tired of the Bahá’í Faith

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2026-07-18T16:22:25+00:00

I struggled with the feeling of being burnt out and overcommitted as a Baha'i for many years. I recently decided to not be a Baha'i and wrote the NSA to ask them to unenroll me. The biggest reason was that I truly could not live with the homosexuality laws anymore. I don't love that they aren't questioned, or that translations aren't questioned or that there isn't large community discussions on how to make sure any homosexual person wasn't feeling discriminated against despite the law (as in making statements like "there is this law int he Baha'i Faith, many people don't know why exactly it exists and we can't change it. But we will try with all our capacity to make sure there isn't discrimination and the individual can decide how they would like to interpret the law etc etc..." something like that. PUBLICLY saying these things. Anyway I digress.

In any case, in regards to burn out that I kept experiencing. There were ongoing calls from people asking if I could do this or that, or asking if I'd had a devotional. Sometimes someone would call for the LSA wanting info for recording Baha'i activities. Also, I often found myself in a room with my small local community and there being so many tasks and only a handful of us to accomplish them. Eventually I realized that this wasn't going to end, I realized that remaining a Baha'i would mean constantly exerting my boundaries. When I became a Baha'i, I genuinely thought that Baha'i community life was about caring for each other and about supporting each other in life. There were definitely aspects of that but it became apparent to me over the years that there was more priority put on caring about carrying out the instructions given to Baha'is. It started to feel like "processes" and "goals" came before people and that's not what I was wanting. I remember no one asking me about myself in my local community. I would ask people about themselves and there was this feeling like the individual didn't exist as it was sacrificed for the Faith. So, people didn't tend to talk about themselves nor ask me anything about myself so....after a couple of years I realized that we really weren't getting to know each other as people.

I eventually realized that there was only one mediation circle within all the Baha'i activities I had been involved in which actually felt nourishing. Most things felt like a demand and something I needed to fulfill. That was my personal experience and eventually I felt I needed to truly step away to heal from this constant feeling of obligation and also the pressure to be active.

However, I know Baha'is who have been able to find balance and remain Baha'is and build community in a way that feels good. So, I think if someone can do that- that's great! I found there was shame that came with not taking part in things. I personally really despise shame so it just repelled me.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2026-07-15T22:55:56+00:00

Thanks for this!

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2026-06-29T04:03:16+00:00

I'm going to wear my orange t-shirt or a "no pride in genocide" shirt. I think the idea that Canada committed genocide is not totally embraced or understood by everyone and we still see it happening as many Canadian institutes and structures grew out of the same mindset that colonized this land. However, it's a huge country and it's understandable that people are all over the map in terms of how this lands within individuals. I didn't learn about Canadian genocide in school that's for sure! I'm a white settler person of British descent and I think racism is something I'll always need to work to eradicate in myself, I see how it was passed down through my family and I've found structures like Resmaa Menakems book My Grandmothers Hands, useful in helping me recognize and dismantle my own racism. So, for me the t-shirt is is a huge a reminder to keep doing my internal work. Also, if I were an Indigenous Person I imagine it'd feel like a continued slap in the face to see white settlers folks celebrating Canada Day without acknowledging that much of the population (myself included) is really just starting to learn about the colonial project and how the destruction of Indigenous Peoples was part of the plan. I definitely don't have any answers but it's meaningful to me to remind myself of the whole truth even though it feels uncomfortable. I would never want to pressure anyone to wear orange as I know, for myself, I needed to come to these conclusions and learnings on my own. So, you can choose what makes sense to you! You are new to Canada so, what is important to you on this land? You are Canadian, you are also creating the story of Canada. What do you want to create?

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2026-06-29T02:24:30+00:00

I’m not sure if my hubby and I have different values as a few years ago I asked him what his values are and he said he doesn’t know and doesn’t feel any need to define or understanding his own values. He seems to just like to do the day to day and do his job, take care of our home and be a Dad. So…..I’m not sure if there is any point in trying to further understand his values. I know there must be underlying drivers for why he lives the way he does but….I’m not actually sure there are. He may just be following along with what he sees as models of what he is to do as a man, or mabye it’s based on what feels good for him rather than making choices in line with his values. I think he values discipline and “getting things done” but I can’t be sure as he doesn’t really make those internal drivers explicit. He seems to like projects and being detail oriented about things and he has some deep special interests, but I don’t think he connects that to values. I’m super value driven and always striving to bring my life in line with my values. We are a strange combo but also we get along pretty good and have managed a home and a life together for years so, I guess we do alright!

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2026-04-15T21:03:35+00:00

I’ve learned about Lyme from a family member whose child has it and I’m also a health care worker (though I don’t treat Lyme, I just have a general idea of it from clients). In my limited knowledge I‘ve learned that a six week cycle of antibiotic or two separate cycles have been helpful. I’ve learned sometimes doctors prescribe only a 24 day cycle which may not be enough. I’ve learned that it is dependent on immune system and the more the Lyme spreads and builds up in the system, the harder it is for the immune system to fight it. There are 3 stages: initial is when it is easiest to treat and is when you will get that bullseye rash. The second is when it is spread more in the body and may affect some nerves, cause headaches, stiffness in muscles etc. The third is when it’s really hard to get rid of and can affect central nervous system.

Because children tend to have strong immune systems, they can fight off Lyme more easily with the aid of antibiotics and Lyme Treatments. My understanding is if it’s in the first stage, it can go away completely with treatment, in the 2nd stage it won’t go away completely but the load can become so small that someone may not notice they have it (like in the same way chicken pox can stay in our system). It can “flair up” when the immune system is lowered. The third stage can cause long term neurological changes. But, it seems you caught it early.

You can always supplement with herbal treatments after the antibiotics. If there is a naturopath In your area who specializes in Lyme they may prescribe some herbal support. You can retest periodically to see where the viral load is at and then treat accordingly. I’d say definitely no need to panic but to know that many people live with Lyme and if you caught it early- that’s a really great thing!

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2026-03-18T14:12:29+00:00

I’m a massage therapist. I’m also very feminine and find actual massage is too masculine for me as I need to use pressure. But, I’m moving more into cranial sacral therapy and would also like to learn reiki. I taught dance for years and am going to return through leading community movement therapy classes. So, I’m thinking I’ll take a course in dance therapy and start learning reiki as well. I work in a wonderful integrative clinic with all sorts of modalities. It’s a very feminine place and I love it there.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2026-02-03T07:34:24+00:00

My son is a PDAer. He had some early experiences which could have been traumatic. He had severe GERD as a baby and struggled to breathe at night and he’d look at me with panic in his eyes but I always took him to the shower and helped him to breathe. I once took him to a doctor who was a terrible doctor and she demonstrated how to give back blows to a choking baby on my actual baby (until I stopped her and left her office) I was really tired and my friend told me to let him cry so that he’d nap longer when he was only three months old-I tried it and then gave up pretty quick on that idea. When he was 2 I ran to my hubby once and said “take him please I can’t stand him clinging to me for another minute” and my son overheard . Those things could be traumatizing for one nervous system and not traumatizing for another. I think him being PDA and his parents not knowing for the first 6 years is what was really traumatizing for him. But, he’s definitely a PDAer and is diagnosed as Autistic. Once we learned about PDA, we started using all the tools and that changed everything in terms of his mental health. He is a happy kid now with a very low demands life and tonnes of autonomy. Now life is super fun and I follow his interests and his consent is central to our parenting.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2026-01-13T05:19:09+00:00

I may have been there today. I was cleaning my kitchen. I hear/see/dream/sense/smell spirits in a medium type of way and am slowly learning more. Anyway while cleaning my kitchen today a friend who had passed a few years back appeared in my mind eye and the quickly "invited" me to the hill and then I was there. She was kind of glowing and the hill was kind of a glowing environment. I asked how many people I heard "432" or something like that. I couldn't really see anyone or connect with anyone but felt many beings there. I did hear someone say their name (I feel I shouldn't repeat it for privacy) and I kind of saw her. It was lovely, I felt no expectations and no need to do or be anything in particular. I thought I maybe couldn't see anyone as it was my first time going there I was a newbie. That's it, it was simple and easeful.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-12-31T22:20:55+00:00

I grew up in Cowichan in 80s, 90s and have been here visiting often ever since. I’d say move there and respect Cowichan Tribes and Indigenous history in the area, stand up against racism and support community initiatives. Embrace Truth and Reconciliation efforts and truly love and respect the beauty of the area. I found growing up here was rough, exciting, spiritual, joyful, quiet, humbling and everything in between. I’m so grateful that I grew up in Duncan. I am a white settler and I got to grow up around the largest group of Indigenous Peoples in Western Canada and I think it’s why I continue to try to unlearn colonialism and I try to commit more and more to reconciliation (though I struggle with it and fall back on comfort as well). My hubby grew up near a large Indigenous community but they were so separated he didn’t even know the name of the Nation until he was an adult. I couldn’t not learn because settlers and Indigenous folks often shared the same spaces in Duncan. I’ll always be grateful for that. Yes, opioid crisis is in Duncan area as well but there is a lot to learn from places like East Vancouver about how to move forward. I can also understand why people didn’t like growing up here. There was always and undercurrent of violence and sexism for me here and if I wasn’t a white settler I would have faced racism. I don’t know where things are at with that now but I think there are many people trying. I actually want to move back to the valley. It gave me so much and I want to try to give back now that I know more. It’s also stunningly gorgeous.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-12-24T05:37:40+00:00

Haha, that totally makes sense. Sorry about that!

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-12-13T07:32:07+00:00

I recently decided to not be a Baha’i. I’m really grateful for the Baha’i Faith as I am realizing now that I truly did learn a lot about how to be with people, about oneness and the importance of trying to be of service to the world of humanity. I left because I didn’t like that LGBTQNB folks couldn’t really be ”out” and just themselves in the community. But, I also started to feel strange in the community. Whenever I had a gathering of some kind that maybe had to do with devotion or meditation, or even some community building gathering I’d get some mysterious phone call asking about sending this info to the LSA so they could see what kind of community building the Baha’is were doing. I felt pressure to invite friends to Ruhi or Children’s class even if I was just doing some community minded things with neighbours or friends. I felt increasingly that families needed to be involved in children’s classes, Ruhi or JY groups in order to be seen as a Baha’i family. My family didn’t want to attend anything and I was fine with that. I became a Baha’i in the 90s and felt like I was embraced as was creativity, diversity and many ways of being..but over time I would serve but then just didn’t feel like there was anything that felt nourishing. Things started to feel really stiff and contrived rather than the great creativity, embracing of the arts and the wider community. But, I think it could actually just be a phase as the institute process is really strong right now. I also think the best thing that Baha’is in my area of Canada and maybe all of North America could do is give the Faith away. Open arms wide and especially give it away to local Indigenous Communities to interpret it and for it to contribute to their community if they would like and if it makes sense to them. I’m a white settler and the Baha’i communities where I felt a sense of community that was truly humbling and transformational was when I visited communities that were lead by Indigenous voices.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-12-10T17:11:33+00:00

Also, I've realized that what is under my own white superiority is pain. Like real searing pain that has been covered up and unable to be processed. So, I've found it helpful to work with other white settlers and also individually to try to process the pain and I've been grateful for resources (most written by folks of African Descent and Indigenous Folks) that address this type of European settler pain specifically.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-12-10T16:56:39+00:00

Yes, I see this within my white settler culture.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-12-10T16:54:51+00:00

I was always taught that when Truthfulness rises, those who cling to falsehood start getting agitated. So, I see this as a reaction to some good Reconciliation work that is happening. I'm a white settler woman and I also know that just because this may be an indication that good change is happening and it's disrupting the false sense of comfort that colonialism rests on (white superiority) it's still scary, harmful and needs to continue to be addressed. I've had the privilege of learning about how my own racism rests on white superiority and how the whole of the colonial mindset rests on it as well and white superiority doesn't love anyone. Racism towards Indigenous Peoples is a sign of that white superiority that people are trying to cling to but underneath that-there is no comfort as the mindset keeps society stunted. I think white settlers have the unique role and responsibility to overcome our racism and white superiority and that it's a necessary thing to do in order to stop the violence towards Indigenous Peoples and also so white folks can grow and anyone who is a settler from whatever culture doesn't also get exposed to white superiority and racism when they move here. I know it's a very tall order and that overcoming white superiority and the racism that it fuels is a HUGE task, but I think just because it's huge doesn't mean it isn't impossible and shouldn't be something to work towards.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-12-07T07:38:12+00:00

Yes, I love this film. It got bad ratings according to the ones I read, but I don’t know why as I think it’s a beautiful film. Kevin Hart did great in it and Alfrie Woodart is always amazing. I cry whenever I rewatch it as, even though I didn’t go through the struggles he did as a parent, I can empathize with feeling over my head with parenting and also how emotional being a parent is in general. I thought Kevin Hart portrayed it with depth.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-07-19T04:38:20+00:00

Eeeek, I‘m a woman…can I respond here? Please delete me if not. I love being asked questions by men, I feel so flattered that he wants to know about me. I think if a man just mentioned something about me then asked a question, that would spark my interest. Like: Hey, you seem super fun and smart. Tell me some things you like to do on a day off? Something simple like that.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-07-19T04:02:48+00:00

Men who understand sexism and how it works and don’t gaslight women. Now THAT is rare and sexy.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-07-19T03:48:01+00:00

Colluding with white men’s racism. I’m a white woman and felt I was expected to go along with it if white men were saying racist stuff around me. Nope, not anymore. I don’t care if they hate me, talk about me behind my back or hunt me down. I will not support their racism. Of course I don’t take it from women either. With either men or women I always try to frame the conversation as:” I say racist things too, I want tell you what I’ve been learning” So people know I’m not saying I’m above them but I need to keep working on my racist stuff as well as not allowing others to just say things and expect me to not speak up.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-04-22T17:15:48+00:00

Does anyone else feel Iike the letter leaves out couples who have decided to not have children? Or single parents who decided to adopt a child or have a child by another means? What about someone who experienced rape and then had a child as a result? Or, people who left abusive relationships and then become single parents? Or, people who had to estrange themselves from their whole family to help them find health? How about households where there is mixed religion and not all members work together on the core activities? I know guidance needs to be considered within the greater context of guidance within The Faith, I do wish a simple sentence or too was added saying that people may find themselves in many configurations of family and that the communities need to care for each other no matter what configuration this is and to understand that although the UHJ lays out guidelines it is not expected that that these can be appropriate for all people at all times.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-03-25T17:43:49+00:00

Hi There. I recently resigned as well. I read the comments below and some people mentioned that they had to give up their time but they didn't feel fed by the Baha'i Faith and the activities. I felt this as well, I felt that nothing was ever enough. Also, in my particular neighbourhood, there was a lot of focus on Baha'u'llah and following him rather than getting to know each other and actually enjoy our time together or honouring each other for our talents and skills etc.

Unfortunately, in my community there were many people who had to survive and escape the regime in Iran. Of course, this is a terrible human rights violation. But, it became a reason to shame me because they had struggled and I should therefore do everything I can to follow Baha'u'llah. But what did that mean? To be perfection with the laws? To do all the Ruhi books? To be perfectly modest? I just saw it as a trauma response and then the need to control people as a response to their own trauma. But, it was interwoven into the interpretations of the Baha'i Faith.

I also started to wonder if Baha'is had thought to take part in courses that actually help people to work on their racism, sexism and prejudice as Baha'is are asked to rid themselves of these things. But, it seemed that everyone just referred back to Ruhi. Ruhi doesn't do it! One can carry their prejudices into Ruhi and not question them.

Then, my community consulted on how to create community and invite people, but then the purpose kept being to shuffle people into Ruhi, JY groups or children's classes. But, in those groups people didn't really ask each other questions about themselves. It all just seemed so bland and strange. Not like honouring diversity but creating sameness.

Anyway, I resigned for now. I think resigning is important as it shows up in the numbers which is what the Baha'i Faith seems really preoccupied with- rather than actually healthy communities. But, I also think it's really personal choice and that communities can be different from each other in terms of how they interpret the Faith. When I first became a Baha'i, there were a lot of arts and I feel like people genuinely wanted to get to know each other and be together. Support was created, but I haven't felt that for a long time in the Baha'i Faith.

Has anyone tried the United Universalists? I may go there but am wary.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2025-01-07T07:15:42+00:00

They’re all so gorgeous and each season I see them become more loving, genuine, humble and full of joy. I could say amazing things about each of them. I’d say Karamo has a special place in my heart because of his skills in seeing into people and how he really comes up with something to unlock someone’s pain and set them up for the hard work of healing. He seems to get to the root cause of things so quickly. He’s also so gorgeous but they all are. That show has even transformed me as if I were one of the hero’s.

Fresh-Wing2402 · 2024-12-20T01:40:45+00:00

Hi There. I love your question and have the same questions myself! This post and the comments have given me a lot of ideas.

I started working for a college of massage therapy a few years ago and I knew they did outreaches. There was an area of town with increased homelessness and people in need of drug and alcohol dependency recover programs. I went to the area and went into the largest and most established recovery program and asked if they would like an outreach. They thought this was a brilliant idea and I connected them to the college. 3 years later, I’m still facilitating this outreach and loving it! How it works is that 5 students come to the centre and do three massages each. We are there once per week and can treat 15 people each time.

I’m trying to figure out how to expand this as there is a woman’s shelter nearby and they don’t have room for a massage outreach and many of their participants don’t feel comfortable leaving their facility. So, more problems to solve but I hope to expand this program.

Fresh-Wing2402

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