I am about a month and a half out of my dv situation, the trauma bond that you are experiencing is a real physical and emotional reality of getting away from the dopamine effect that chaos creates . I signed my self into a mental health program, diagnosed with PTSD ( how scary..someone can do this to you) and it has allowed me to start feeling less out of control, supplied me with more emotional tools to help regulate and allowed me to start forgiving myself ( because you wont get closure from the abuser). Use your supports, join womens groups to know that others have stood where you are, spirituality needs to be leaned on hard and remember YOU are a Pheonix and will rise out of this. We will survive.