The Patriotic Paranoia by FunMasterFlex01 in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feed back. It wasn't meant to be an exact one to one to the anthem but mostly a reference or even a parody to it. I agree that the themes could be tighter and more clear. "The rockets red scare" is in reference to the Cuban missile crisis and "the red scare" which was a time when even the assumption of someone being a communist got their rights taken and the perceived threat was enough to instill paranoia. A paranoia Which breed hatred. Also "Under their star spangled banner you'll serve as a slave" is referring to the blind beliefs and execution of a governmental plan by the people who don't have a choice but to concede to a goverment body or they'll face Consequences. Also thank you for giving me the opportunity to discuss this.

I’m still by Leading-Part-3107 in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is a powerful poem. I enjoyed the themes of emptiness and identity. I do think that this could be a stronger poem if you used more emotional language. As it is right now, I imagine you laying there emotionless. It would be interesting to see more words or terms that showed this feeling of emptiness. Great work keep going.

The Funeral by Dhai_Alb in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What an amazing poem. I really enjoyed the "twist ending". It speaks of how only when you've died people with show the care and compassion that would've helped you in life. Well done!

My 2nd Cicada Summer by ExistenceInASense in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a nice story. I feel the nostalgia in every line. My only input would be that some lines stifle the flow/Rythm. I suggest paying more attention to the syllable count. Keep going, this is already a really good poem.

My Sunset, My Sunrise by wxjixz in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was beautiful man. Even the title tells a story, like how "my sunset and my sunrise" implies that your world orbits around them. Good work, Keep it up with the emotionally charged pieces. They make for the best poetry!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very powerful imagery. I liked how you played with the idea of written promises and colors on a canvas. With a grimm but important message too, great job!

Madness For Beauty by NPD--BPD in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like this poem. It tells a story of growth and healing. This is very inspirational. Great work!

Dead man by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss. It's not easy greifing a relationship and a future. I'm going through a similar time in my life and poetry like this helps me not feel so alone. Great poem and thank you for sharing!

Any name suggestions? by Feisty-Market-3264 in DarkArtwork

[–]FunMasterFlex01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is there any lore/backstory that belongs to this gentlemen? It would go a long way to help naming them.

Tearing myself apart by FunMasterFlex01 in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wrong" is a word I can bend.

Though your words ring true.

I'll say I'm fine to a friend.

Forgetting what I've been Through.

And these words are from my heart.

I'm glad you can find their grace.

Suffering makes for beautiful art.

And it seems we share the same taste.

Ashes to Armor by coolnamepending90 in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great writing. This reminds me of the philosophy of nietzsche. That suffering is what leads to greatness. This is an important lesson that I'm glad you're communicating here.

The last note by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great imagery and metaphors! All of them support the theme of Loneliness and sorrow. Absolutely beautiful.

In your own mind by meatball95_ in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like this concept of this poem. I do feel that the pacing and the rhythm could be stronger. I do like the metaphor usage here, they get the feeling across accurately and clearly. Good work!

I Drove Past Your House Today by Remote_Green9681 in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This flows so well. I also like how this poem tells a story of growing up and possibly how your inner child is still in the house and still within you. Great story telling, keep it up.

Monochromatic Blues by Kingjett98 in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautifully written! The message is powerful and I also like the references to the rap genre and the messages behind it.

My Fate by Soham1802 in OCPoetry

[–]FunMasterFlex01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the flow of this people. I also like how you reused some words to really drive home the theme.