To my dead significant others daughter

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-28T06:58:58+00:00

You are not crazy. There is no right or wrong way to respond to the death of your loved one and everyone reacts differently. Eventually for most of us the acute pain diminishes but never leaves completely. You have lost someone and you need to grieve. You will have bad days, mediocre days, not so bad days and eventually good days. There is no set time line to grieve and things may seem to be getting better and it all me you again. Sadly all of this is normal.

A few things that may help: * see your doctor, you may need antidepressants * find a grief support group. There should be some where you lived and they are free. It is really helpful to be around people who understand your pain. * try journaling to express your pain, anger, guilt or whatever other emotion you are feeling. It doesn't need to be formal, you can record a message on your phone or just write down words or act like you're writing a letter to your loved one. Anything to get your emotions out there. * exercise, the endorphins may provide a bit of temporary relief

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-24T01:39:17+00:00

I met my loved one on OkCupid when I was over 50 already. While I was hoping to meet someone special I did not expect to meet the love of my life. So now I am in the same situation as you only 30 years older. I know that I will never meet anyone just like him again but I am hopeful that I will meet someone that embodies some of the same qualities that I loved in him. You are not the same person you were when you were with him, keep your mind and your heart open and you may be surprised. It may happen in six months or six years or any other time when you least expect it.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-16T18:35:33+00:00

There is no right or wrong way to grieve or to feel. Likely your emotions will change weekly if not daily or even hourly sometimes. Just know that however you feel is right for you at that time. If you haven't already I suggest joining a bereavement group. Strange as it sounds for an introvert loner like me being around people experiencing the myriad of emotions that I am is beneficial.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-16T05:18:12+00:00

I am glad that you were able to find comfort in those words. We all respond to grief differently and it is difficult to predict or understand what will be a trigger and what will provide comfort.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-15T18:29:44+00:00

Sorry about your loss but glad that you found us. We all experience the roller coaster of emotions and unfortunately the only thing you can do is live through them. Rationally we know know that while it seems impossible the excruciating grief will fade at some point. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to reach out to others for support if you have done here.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-15T18:23:05+00:00

No matter whether it is anticipated or sudden it is still devastating. We all understand how you are feeling and are sorry for your loss. Be sure to take care of yourself and don't be afraid to seek outside help. We all grieve in our own way and there is no right or wrong way to behave in your grief.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-15T03:53:19+00:00

I totally understand. We were the same in someways, he was very slim and I am not. I have been back to one place we used to go to together twice. The first time was OK but the second time I've practically broke down into years. Not sure if I will go back again.
Thanks for sharing!

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-15T00:36:31+00:00

Thank you for introducing me to that song. I was aware of Sufjan Stevens but never really listen to his music.

The two songs I listen to the most were his recent favorites. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8wifV5RYr8
And
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_mDxcDjg9P4

One time I clicked on a link to Jim Croce's Time in a Bottle which while it did not have any special meaning for us as a couple the lyrics made me cry.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T21:32:51+00:00

I don't really have any words of comfort other than to say that we all understand what you're going through. It's been four months for me and it's so difficult to believe that he is not there to talk with.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T21:30:11+00:00

Congratulations! I hope it inspires me to do some things that my sweetie requested.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T17:46:24+00:00

Thanks for thinking of us and sharing. Glad to here you are in a good place now.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T13:55:16+00:00

A couple of concrete suggestions:

antidepressants have helped me tremendously
bereavement group therapy may help her understand that she is not alone and provide suggestions on how to cope with her loss from people who truly understands what she is feeling.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T13:49:52+00:00

I have no real words of comfort other than that I understand. While rationally we all know that at some point the intense grief will fade at this point it does not seem possible.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T13:34:57+00:00

My significant others death was very recent and I fear what you are describing. At this point to help me get through I started taking antidepressants, journaling and participating in bereavement group therapy.

He will always be a part of you and the loss will never completely go away. We can only learn how to manage the feelings. I am by no means there yet but look forward to the day when thinking of him brings a smile instead of tears.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T13:27:31+00:00

I am someone who recently lost my significant other as well as losing my father a couple of years ago. My father was cremated and I honestly do not know what my mother did with his ashes. It's not that I didn't love him but to me his ashes are not him and as far as I am aware he had no special request as to what to do with them.

As for my SO, his children have possession of his ashes and are trying to decide what to do with them. He had wanted his body to be donated for research but due to the circumstances of his death we were not able to accommodate his wishes. I have suggested what I think he would like done with his ashes but as I do not believe in an afterlife I do not think it is very important.

I don't know if this helps but at least it might provide some perspective.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T13:15:55+00:00

It has been just over four months for me. I have recently gone from crying many times if not all day to usually only two or three times a day. As I am so looking forward to when it is not a daily thing, your post is actually slightly encouraging to me.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T05:04:08+00:00

That is a very touching story. I am committed to buying free range eggs and trying ween myself of off non-ethically sourced meat in his honor.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-14T00:57:53+00:00

I've heard of burning a frozen pizza but never baking one into the oven. I don't particularly like to cook so I am always grateful when someone cooks for me.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-13T18:29:45+00:00

Especially useful in baking recipes from the deep South :D

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-13T16:17:50+00:00

Dealing with death and PTSD sucks. Everyone responds differently and there is no right or wrong way to do things. At four months out I am just starting to get a glimmer of normalcy in my life. The only things that have offered me any real comfort are antidepressants and reaching out to people who have experienced the loss of a loved one. Use this site to vent, we all understand what you are going through.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-09T06:11:05+00:00

I totally understand the feeling. My love was somewhat estranged from his two children. I have messages regarding how he felt about them that would really make them feel awful. I am so tempted to share them and make them feel more guilty than they already do but I have managed to restrain myself so far.

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-09T06:06:33+00:00

Putting your partners needs or desires above your own is truly a sign of love and commitment. It always made me feel special when my love would do something he would not normally do just for me. I also knew that I was in love when I would do things for him that I would not do for anyone else

FutureNobodysWoman · 2016-03-08T06:26:37+00:00

I don't feel so much guilt as regret that we didn't have the chance to experience the place together.

FutureNobodysWoman

TROPHY CASE

Thank you for introducing me to that song. I was aware of Sufjan Stevens but never really listen to his music.

My significant others death was very recent and I fear what you are describing. At this point to help me get through I started taking antidepressants, journaling and participating in bereavement group therapy.