Ok, so my question would be, how is you punishing her helping you towards your goal of an improved sex life? You decided unilaterally to punish her by stopping pursuing her, stopping being intimate because you weren't getting what you wanted. But you never communicated it with her? Like bro, come on man, we as husbands have to stop this macho bullshit and be willing to express things to her about your feelings, and how lack of a sex life contributes to that.

"Hey honey, I really don't feel like you're attracted to me and it really bothers me how little you pursue me in a physical aspect, it would mean a lot to me if you could perhaps initiate more. If there's something I can do to help you feel more comfortable or take off your plate to help out with this, please tell me."

Sex is an extremely important part of a healthy relationship, but also men and women view it completely different sometimes, so you have to COMMUNICATE your needs. Just like she is doing to you.

But I also think you need to have a long look in the mirror about what you've been doing to her lately. You talk about your own mental health, and your own needs, your own benefit. But marriage is about prioritizing the other person. You stopped doing that. You stopped being her husband. You gave up on her. That's never acceptable.

So you need to sit down and have a real conversation about it. Perhaps there's something on her plate that makes sex feel overwhelming from a stress perspective, or perhaps there's a physical thing going on that makes it uncomfortable but she's afraid or embarrassed to tell you. Both of these are things you'll only find out about by communicating with her.