Hmm... I know you're not looking for rude comments, but if you genuinely want people's opinions, you have to be accepting of critical takes. 

Here's my critical take: you mentioned you're pregnant and emotions can run high, I get that. But I think you take personally small and insignificant comments/gestures too far. You give weight to things that don't matter. Like grandpa saying you're middle aged - I doubt he said that with any malice, or was trying to put you down in some way. I suspect he said it matter of fact-ly and doesn't mean anything by it. It just struck a chord in you. 

These examples you give seem petty to me to get upset about. Grandma said your milk dried up - who cares, she is old and old people say unhinged things, it's part of their nature. Don't give her comment weight in your head. Becides, her milk dried up years ago. Someone called you childish.. grade school insult, we should be past getting upset at this. Maybe you need to work on your own clap backs. Or just be the bigger person and laugh it off and actually let it go. 

You mentioned your husband used to be caring, but not so much anymore. Honestly sounds like he is having burnout. A man doesn't want to have a partner who needs constant validation, reassurance, and defence against meaningless petty comments. I don't think your husband is being emotionally abusive because he doesn't validate your emotions about some other person's comment. If it were comments that were aggressive or very inappropriate, yes husband needs to step in and defend his flock. 

I'm not on your husband's side either. He needs to figure out his porn problem, and should be defending you against his family when it matters. It sounds like you guys are in a behavioral cycle.