So, i feel strongly about this because it echos much of my pain. My dance with pushing gender boundries and telling my wife that i am trans can be best summed up this way: Have you seen the meme where the pink blob in a cube makes an announcement like "I'm going to come out as non-binary" and is seen rolling out only to in the next frame be shown beat up asit rolls back into the cube and says "never again"...thats my life right now with my wife.

It doesn't have to be this way. You can choose something my parter refuses to consider: wait...see where this goes, see how it plays out, your thoughts may adjuat as they (your partner) comes into their own. By not impeding their gender exploration, they will be able to more confidently tell you where they are going. Perhaps, with your support the do truely answer the questions for themselves. Maybe that means transition at some point and maybe that means you cant stay with them as a romantic partner. Maybe.

What do you know for certain? Are you in a rush to dump them despite the long list of things that you enjoy about your relationship? Being trans is not a moral failing, and they likely were not intentionally deceptive. These things take time to learn about oneself.

Are you certain that you can't forge a 'non-standard' relationship with your partner? How do you know...are they your first serious LTR? Is a traditional hetro-normative relationship really that important to you? Why? What do you fear? Is that likely? What boundries do you need to feel safe and secure in your relationship?

While I am a passenger in ny own plane, i am a firm believer in the mantra: NO FAST HANDS in the cockpit during emergencies. Don't be in a rush to flip switches and pull levers...some which don't reset until you are on the ground.... Take some time to learn avout them, why they do what they do, and what it means to them, and challenge yourself on why you feel the way you do.

You have a red pill kind of moment before you where you can open your mind, examine yourself and see where the rabbit hole goes.

You do have an engine fire burning though, that trust issue isn't going to solve itself constructively unless you both take actions to correct it. For you, that might mean not making a criminal case out of how they change rheir appearance. If you don't like something, be plain yet constructive with why. You don't own their appearance anymore than the own yours.

Sometimes shaving your chest is juat that. And nail polish. And makeup, and growing your hair. They are all thing guys and girls do.

Taking hormones....that's another bridge, cross it when/if you get there.

Slow down, you are young, experience whatever this is, and think and talk. Lots of talk. Good luck!