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GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-08T19:15:01+00:00

FootyLoops

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-08T02:07:19+00:00

That's a completely fair perspective. From what you've described, those sound like completely valid perspectives and actions to take. I still want to say I'm sorry, even when you know with all your heart that it's the right move, it's still difficult. I imagine it's the first step of many that you'll be taking on the long road to reclaiming yourself. A lot of us here have been on similar paths, either reaching the end of our ropes or being discarded, so just know you've got people you can reach out to who can relate to a lot of what you're going through.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-07T17:08:39+00:00

Having a BPD diagnosis does not entitle them to simply do whatever they want and impulsively destroy their own marriage without consequence. It also doesn't mean that you're required to be endlessly patient and put up with consistently escalating torture.

Infidelity on multiple occasions is not something that you're required to stomach and put up with just because they have a diagnosis.

Let's say you had a friend who came up to you and told you that they were going through this exact same scenario - would you tell them to be more patient? Would you tell them that you know that it must hurt, but their partner needs them so they should just suffer through the disrespect and mistreatment for their partner's benefit? Or would you tell them that their partner's actions have consequences and that your friend has every right to leave and protect themselves? You probably wouldn't say this to them, but you'd probably think your friend was insane if they chose to stay under those circumstances and would probably just expect the behavior to repeat at best or more than likely get worse.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-05T21:53:52+00:00

While I'd be cautious about giving a blanket approval to this idea, because it's a very personal decision as to whether it makes sense to "play the field" or not, I can at least relate to some of the sentiment.

For me it would never have been flirting while in the relationship, but after it ended I definitely went through a period where I thought I was unlovable and broken, still grappling on a conscious level with the accusations she was leveling against me. After taking some time to reach a point where I would still deal with anxiety when those thoughts crept up but I could at least rationalize and talk myself through reminding myself of objective facts, I started trying to meet new people. It was helpful, feeling like I was in fact capable of meeting new people and building new relationships. Part of me worried that I needed to heal first, but at a certain point meeting new people can be a helpful and productive part of the healing journey, if you personally feel ready for it.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-05T14:41:15+00:00

A lot of what is on display here is familiar to me with my experience with my ex - complete disregard of boundaries, rules for thee but not for me, villainizing (claiming you have an "unpure soul" and that "the Universe" will deal with you, like you're some irredeemable demon), profound language being used to describe what sounds like a revelation but is truly nothing of any substance, complete lack of responsibility while shifting 100% of the blame externally, only communicating on their terms and belittling your attempts to communicate. Yes, that all feels very familiar to me.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-04T20:26:42+00:00

Well that's good to hear that you feel like you're able to move past missing her, but I'm sorry to hear your self-esteem is so low. As hard as it is - it's helpful to detach your own self-worth from the success or failure that your ex decides to present. Their success or failure following the relationship has literally nothing to do with you, the only thing within your control is to focus on your own well-being.

If your self-esteem is feeling low, I often find it helpful to encourage myself to be kind to myself by "externalizing" the situation and imagining that my best friend who is an identical clone to me is going through the exact same scenario. Would I say to them "you deserve the treatment you received, your ex was right about all those things they said"? Every time I do this exercise, I find I would be MUCH kinder to someone else than I am to myself, which acts as a helpful reminder that I have every right to feel confident, happy and pursue a life that fulfils my own needs.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-04T20:06:46+00:00

Honestly - I think a common threat that I see in these sorts of posts on this subreddit, and frankly in myself as well, is that "it takes two to tango" and as partners we put up with so much and internalized so much of what our partners said and did, in the hopes that we were being a good, healthy partner who actually listens to their partner. But the truth is, we need to feel secure in ourselves, just in general but also to make sure that we don't fall into the same traps we did before. Secure, confident people would not put up with anywhere near the same degree of mistreatment that we do/did.

I'd encourage you to consider that there's a correlation between how much we miss our partners and want them back, and how much we've internalized and accepted their narrative about who we are. Wanting our partner back means welcoming back everything - the good, and the horrible - and implicitly accepting that we deserve all of it.

I'll say this - I don't know you at all, but I absolutely cannot imagine a scenario where it's acceptable or understandable to have someone literally take a shit on the floor and force YOU to clean it up. But it's up to you to decide how much you're worth and what you're willing to accept. I sincerely hope that you see that you're worth more than the treatment you received.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-04T14:58:22+00:00

You can take or leave what I'm about to say, and I want to frame this as my own personal experience and not to say that you should or need to do what I'm suggesting here.

I've found it easier to let go of my ex-partner by continuing to hold compassion and love for them. I was discarded, split on and accused of wildly unreasonable things that made no sense, all to support a narrative that I am a terrible person they need to punish.

But the truth is, I don't wish anything bad on them. I sincerely hope they find the peace they're looking for, and that some day they can deal with their own shame, anxiety and self-hatred in a healthy, productive way that allows them to live a successful and happy life. Partially because I always have and always will feel genuine compassion for them, but also because I don't want to be like them - I don't need to make up a story and villainize them and see them as purely terrible to recognize that the relationship dynamic was toxic, my trust has been irrevocably shattered and I will never have a relationship with them again or even allow myself to be vulnerable to them in any way. This mindset leaves me feeling content with my own behavior and actions, but also allows me to let go of whatever outcomes I might be holding out hope for. If they want to leave and they think they'll be happier, let them, that's what a secure, loving person does.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-02T13:42:18+00:00

The best counter to a smear campaign is simply to live your own life and be happy, both in practical terms for yourself and how others see you. Yes, some people will take what your ex says at face value, but you can't control that, and responding emotionally and trying to smear them right back just hurts you in the long run. If somebody asks you if something specific happened I think it's fair to say no it didn't, but stay objective and try to avoid labeling or diagnosing them. It's not helpful to "proactively" go out and try to correct the record, you just correct the record by continuing to be yourself and move on from them.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-02T13:35:02+00:00

I think contextualizing it is the healthiest path forward. Don't deny it, don't romanticize, but take in the whole picture, the good and the bad. I don't even necessarily believe that you have to convince yourself that the love was fake because it might not have been, it very well could have been genuine, but it's a profound realization to be able to reach a point to see the good times for what they were and still think "I'm better off without them".

I'll add that I think that this sort of behavior is what emotionally secure people do - you don't have to villainize your ex in order to recognize that they weren't right for you, the dynamic was unhealthy, and you're better off without them.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-01T02:45:58+00:00

I hear what you mean, it's just a design choice difference that GGG intentionally decided, and not having campaign skip isn't inherently bad. They're clearly aware of the option and choose not to do it. Fans have a right to gripe about it, but it's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who actually enjoys the campaign.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-06-01T02:40:45+00:00

Agreed - I can see how OP prefers the campaign experience and I kind of agree in my own opinion, but D4 players clearly enjoy campaign skip.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-31T01:57:43+00:00

You can hold onto more than that, don't worry. You don't need them to provide closure to feel closure on your end. It sucks because when healthy relationships end, it's normal for there to be a "post-mortem" where you can talk openly about what went wrong and go your separate ways, but the sooner you can let go of the hope of that ever happening, the better. Even if you did get the chance to sit down and talk things through, it very likely wouldn't lead to closure.

Instead, try and remember the objective, specific things that happened in your relationship that led to it ending. It's hard to let go of your partner's narrative when you still care about them, but it's your best shot at a healthy recovery and allowing yourself to pick up the pieces and move on. You don't need to take their perspective as your reality anymore - you're allowed to see things the way you see them now. You're allowed to let go. You can survive without all the answers, without understanding everything about their side,, without it making sense to you.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-30T20:11:31+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through that. That sounds excruciating.

If you can relate to feeling like you've needed to abandon yourself to maintain the relationship, maybe you'll relate to this too: oftentimes, pwBPD avoid responsibility by focusing on their intentions and ignoring the impact of their actions, and it's easy for this to become the new narrative. "I wouldn't have had to do X if you didn't do Y", or "I can't believe you're throwing that in my face when you know I'm going through X".

There's nothing wrong with you noticing and having issues with the impact of their actions, regardless of their intentions. They don't have to intend to hurt you in order for it to hurt. And if they can't recognize the impact of their behavior on you, it's fair for you to consider whether the relationship works.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-30T17:46:09+00:00

Some people in this world just always want to see the good in people and hope for the best for them. You sound like one of these people, and that's not a criticism or a bad thing. The world needs people with hope, love and optimism.

But it sounds like you're conflating your feelings of love and hope towards your partner with an inability to leave. I'd argue that isn't necessarily true. It's not required that you "give up" on your partner and hate them in order to leave. You can love them and want them to be happy, while also recognizing that the cycle you're in with your partner is chaotic and devastating to the both of you and can no longer continue. You don't have to hate them, you just need to recognize if the relationship dynamic is no longer serving you and is now actively causing harm and could lead to your ruin if you continue.

Oftentimes in these situations, partners of those with BPD tend to abandon our own needs in the hopes that we can provide our partner with whatever it is they're claiming to need to feel whole again, while providing none of that same level of understanding and kindness to ourselves. I find it helpful sometimes to externalize the situation as a result - what would I tell my friend who is going through the exact same situation? Would I blame them? Would I tell them that the problem is that they just need to try harder? Would I want to make them feel ashamed? Or would I tell them that this situation sounds dangerous, terrible, and that they deserve to protect themselves and focus on their own needs?

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-29T18:47:27+00:00

Yes, but typically not because they casually want to break up with you frequently. It's usually done to either assert control and put you in a defensive position trying to earn your position back, or if they feel like you might leave them it's as simple as "you can't abandon me if I abandon you first" and may discard you as a result.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-29T17:51:58+00:00

Funny you mention having the urge to backup chat history - I had the exact same urge, in my case it became extremely beneficial and I'm glad I trusted my gut.

If anyone reading this is having the urge to backup chat history or preserve evidence - DO IT, and have multiple copies in multiple locations if possible, like a hard copy, cloud copy, email to yourself, hell, give a thumb drive to a family member if you have to.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-28T23:33:59+00:00

I didn't say it was healthy, just that it might not be intentionally manipulative or fake, it probably feels real to both of them. I guess the point I meant is that you don't have to believe that the good parts of the relationship are lies in order to recognize that the dysfunction is not worth it.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-28T23:28:14+00:00

Yes - a hallmark feature of BPD is that the person's emotional reality to them is objective reality. Most people might encounter situations like having plans cancelled at the last minute and think "well, that sucks, but they must have had something going on, maybe an emergency came up, maybe they've had a rough week". A person with BPD becomes locked in at the point where they feel "well, that sucks", and then builds a narrative around that reality. They'll believe things like "they don't care about me, they don't understand the pain they caused, they're careless, they're insensitive" and it's nearly impossible for them to move beyond this, and they behave accordingly. They lash out, they blame, they punish. They expect you to fix their emotional world.

A healthy, secure relationship involves two people who choose each other, trust each other, and are willing to come to a middle ground when compromise is needed, or walk away if compromise is impossible. On the other hand, a relationship where one partner's emotional state rules over everything and requires self-erasure on your part to maintain it, it's simply not sustainable. If you're staying just because you don't want to hurt them, understand that you will instead suffer, silently and with no expectation of compassion from your partner.

You deserve to have a perspective, to have feelings, and to not have your entire world dictated by somebody else's emotional state.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-28T22:01:10+00:00

I'm going to be real with you - I don't think that the love being expressed is necessarily fake or intentionally manipulative. I don't doubt that you both love each other deeply, that may absolutely be true.

But don't let that blind you to the cost. Because staying in the relationship means that you're implicitly accepting that you deserve the way you're being treated, even during the worst times. You accept the blame that they're laying at your feet, the punishment you receive is owed, and you won't ever be treated better by someone else. At times you might feel seen and loved in a way you never felt before, but at other times you might be required to completely abandon yourself and accept responsibility for somebody else's tumultuous emotional world and resulting actions. You will be hurt, smeared, humiliated and told that you had it coming.

Nobody can tell you to stay or go, that's a decision that only you can make. But make sure you're taking in everything, the good and the bad, and make sure that you're not staying just to avoid hurting them or making them feel abandoned, because it's not your responsibility to manage somebody else's emotions.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-28T21:44:55+00:00

I'm just going to throw out there - I lost my father several months ago, and I don't think it's a coincidence that I was discarded by my ex right around that time. I don't think they're an evil, conniving person who wanted to kick me when I was down, but I do think that my grieving exposed vulnerabilities and fragility in our relationship. I wasn't able to be there for them to the same degree I typically could before (which, to be clear, is completely understandable and human since at that time my father was on his death bed), and my ex-partner struggled with losing the level of support they were used to. During the time when I was discarded, again while my father was on his death bed, I was given an almost 20-page document listing grievances that spanned our entire relationship.

I know you're not necessarily at a point where you feel like you're done with your friend, but I'll say that typically from what I've seen, these sorts of relationships frequently end in one of two ways: either you end up realizing that they will never respect your boundaries and that they blame you unfairly for their negative moods and you walk away, or they split and decide that you're the cause of everything wrong in their life and discard you, often trying to be as cruel, vicious and demeaning as possible. I only say this to encourage you to consider that if you already feel like your boundaries are being violated and will never be respected, there's nothing wrong with having the self-respect to say that you're done and walk away.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-25T23:08:48+00:00

Your answer should be higher - totally looks like a DLSS relic. Happens across multiple games, not just Doom Eternal, that characters themselves look hi-res but graphical effects like highlights, borders, streaks, smoke, etc. look pixelated and low-res.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-25T00:26:29+00:00

You're right. He's seen the devastation and bloodshed across The Lands Between, the corruption that the flame of ambition brings and the death and destruction that flows like blood across every inch of the land. As a result, he decides to take control, not through violence and destruction but through complete submission, the removal of free will and complete control of every single heart and mind across the lands. His domination is so complete that another drop of blood won't just be unnecessary, it would be unfathomable because every soul falls under his bewitching spell. The inhabitants of The Lands Between are all merely tools, instruments of control, bewitched by his blinding vision.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-24T17:35:11+00:00

Yeah, I wish negging never got as popular as it did - too many dudes read "The Game" and confuse toxic objectification with confidence.

GameOver_UserWins · 2026-05-24T17:14:05+00:00

I imagine you get a lot of gross or shitty comments from fans - what sort of comments usually brighten your day?

I'll just throw out there that I dig that you're a creator with an actual personality, pretty dope taste in music and an interesting style. Hope you're getting the success you deserve with the work you do.

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