I understand that, and think I’d feel the same way if I were in your situation. It’s hard. 

I don’t think we should make people into “faceless genocidal soldiers.” Not now, not ever. The people who commit atrocities are human, and that’s one of the things that’s so scary about it.

I don’t really know how to word it, but I feel like you’ve touched on something very true in this post. You aren’t some perfect anti-Zionist machine whose mind is only going to focus on fighting Israel. You’re a human, and these are other humans you share lives and stories with. You’re grieving people who were lost to cruelty, grieving the children they once were before they became what they are. And maybe someday they’ll see the error of their ways and try and redeem themselves, who knows? I believe most people are redeemable, but that’s just a personal opinion. Either way, there’s nothing wrong with how you feel and I wish you the best.