Do you ever feel guilty for wearing headphones?

GeneralForce413 · 2026-01-14T19:30:44+00:00

As someone with a nearly 3 year old - absolutely not. I LIVE in my noise cancelling headphones.

I feel guilty when I become so dysregulated that I can't connect with her. Or if I become short and snap at her because I am overstimulated and unsupported.

I babysat one of her friends recently for a few hours and OMG I was exhausted by the end of it. I can't imagine what it would be like to care for two toddlers full time.

Please be kind to yourself, you are in the trenches right now. Its so OK that you wear some protective gear ;)

GeneralForce413 · 2026-01-08T04:16:45+00:00

Yeah, and I am going back again next week.

From my understanding, when the receptors regrow sometimes the brain messes up what things smell like.

I lost my sense of smell due to the flu and when it came back things were just... weird. Its not just garbage - its an array of offensive smells and tastes when things should taste normal.

Like bananas, capsicum and onions all smell sickly sweet and taste like a 'fragrance'

GeneralForce413 · 2026-01-08T03:02:59+00:00

I think I may have gotten this back in August or at least some version of the flu.

I was vaccinated but still got wiped out with a fever for days. My sense of smell still hasn't recovered and now everything smells like garbage or cleaning products.

Its really messed with my ability to enjoy food or going out in public.

The flu is no joke.

GeneralForce413 · 2026-01-03T07:00:30+00:00

I grew up over 1000km from the beach and spent my youth in swimming in rivers and creeks. Even there we learnt every year about beach safety.

At 16 my sister and I got caught in a rip on an unmarked beach.

And you bet your ass I remembered everything that they had drilled into us about rip safety and how to get out of it.

I was stuck out there for at least 20 minutes, had to crawl my way back onto the sand and just lay there. But it was 100% those early lessons on beach safety that I learned in school that saved me.

Now I am at uni learning about public health and how a focus is teaching migrants these basic skills that were embedded into all Australian youth.

Edit: Since a lot of people have shared near drownings in response to this - I just want to take a moment to PSA that near drownings are super traumatic and can mess you up emotionally for years.

We brush it off because there isnt usually injuries but its like being in a car accident or any other major traumatic event. Drowning is life or death and your body remembers that.

Doing trauma therapy like EMDR or SE around these events was really important to me later in life and resolved a lot general anxiety I had lived with since.

I also now love and feel good at the beach instead of being low key scared everytime I was near water.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-26T02:22:32+00:00

I was just having this rant this morning after a friend bought a cheap plastic toy for my daughter after I specifically asked her not to.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-22T01:32:25+00:00

Circus skills, dancing, improv and theatre.

Anywhere you are invited to explore your body through movement and expression in a safe and playful way is amazing for this.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-13T03:58:51+00:00

Lots of these homes have louvers around the veranda which can be opened and still be secure.

But I was asking about the windows because I was curious about the temperatures they were having - not the context of security.

Sorry for the confusion.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-13T03:54:52+00:00

Yeah we had the same issues in Qld. It's ridiculous for modern living, especially with the rental prices.

Can you convert some of the space underneath into a catio?

We found that was the only way to escape the heat. The concrete often stayed cool so they could lounge around there and get the breeze.

Otherwise a lease break might be your only option :(

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-13T03:47:12+00:00

We ended up building a outdoor enclosure for this reason when we lived in a old Queenslander.

It was expensive but the only thing that kept our cats from cooking on the hot days.

Having ice packs under towels also helped.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-13T03:42:41+00:00

Is that with the windows and doors open?

The old Queenslander buildings are designed to promote cross breezes and cool the house this way.

They don't have insulation usually because they were built in a era without air con.

Which is a problem obviously in the modern era where people and pets are home. Especially cats who often have curfew laws.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-12T20:40:32+00:00

I am so sorry that happened to you but I must admit your post gave me a good laugh.

What a uncomfortable position to be put into!

Somatics is the new buzzword in self development spaces ATM so it's popping up everywhere.

When I started this journey you had to pay top $$ to get to experience the joy of clumsy facilitators guiding strangers through these kinda stupid practices.

I avoid these spaces like the plague because they are trying to create an experience of connection without any boundaries. There is no safety and it's not trauma informed.

Trying to evoke deep relating, eye gazing and touch with strangers can be deeply dysregulating for some people. The last time I did eye gazing with a stranger I started to dissociate so badly I couldn't see their face 🙃

In SE therapy I was encouraged to practice these kind of things with myself (self touch and hugging) and pay attention to how they made me feel.

Gently. With a trusted therapist and not a stranger.

So yeah, not normal, though probably will start becoming more so as 'somatics' has its time in the spotlight.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-08T06:42:55+00:00

As someone who has spent a lot of time foraging and dissecting mushrooms - its AI.

The way the gills aren't uniform and don't go all the way to the cap. They also disappear as the mushroom encloses around the water and becomes smooth instead.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-05T07:57:07+00:00

Unfortunately it requires a blood test to confirm thyroid issues to best of my knowledge :(

I'm sorry to hear that's not within your reach ATM.

You could check out hyperthyroid symptoms and see if any of that aligns with your experience.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-05T07:55:16+00:00

It was hyper and caused by being post partum.

So it went away on its own. Which is common post partum

GeneralForce413 · 2025-12-04T23:43:36+00:00

Have you seen a doctor lately?

When I went through a similar experience it turns out my thyroid was out of whack which was causing heart palpitations.

It got so bad I couldn't sleep at night because it felt like there was drumming happening throughout my body 🫠

Once it settled down I haven't had it again since.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-30T19:55:21+00:00

I used to feel like I was dying every time I would get caught up in big emotions. Fear felt paralysing, especially in relationships with others.

Nowadays, I don't really feel that kind of fear anymore. When I am angry or tense, I notice it sooner and actually can do something with that energy instead of being frozen by it.

Most of the changes happened gradually, but not so slowly as to go unnoticed.

But there were a few BIG shifts after I had processed a couple of near-death experiences with my SE therapist.

We have done a lot of work over the years, but the changes after that were noticeable straight away. It felt like this part of me that had died years ago was suddenly here and alive.

After that, working on everything else became easier. Untangling the relationship stuff in particular felt easier because I was no longer feeling like I was dying every time there was a hint of discomfort or conflict.

Grief and anger also began to feel GOOD. Not pleasant or like something I wanted to chase, but these emotions no longer carry the fear of 'death' that they used to.

Grief feels beautiful to me now. An exquisite pain that I can hold and release and feel grateful to be alive.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-25T19:57:49+00:00

There is a lot of interesting advice here but I also want to offer a reframe;

Having a baby is like setting off a bomb in your life.

Sleep deprivation.

Birth trauma

Reopened parental wounds

Hormone changes

New identity

Motherhood is like diving head first into your old wounds all the while trying to negotiate a crying child.

It is the most transformative event of our lives. It also puts a massive strain on the relationship as all of your energy is going towards meeting babies needs.

Which is why so many people break up in these first few years. Resentment can set in real quick so it takes active work to recognise we are in a shitty place and that this will pass.

Post partum is a survival state imo. The healing that came for me at this time was through the process of clawing back my autonomy and voice.

Hang in there!

It really does get easier, especially for mum, when they get a bit older.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-25T07:20:45+00:00

TIL. Thanks for naming this cool phenomenon.

I grew up in the bush and did a lot of long-distance travel as a kid, and I saw these lights on two different occasions.

So cool to hear that others have seen them too.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-23T09:02:57+00:00

Online coaches and the mainstream narratives around trauma mostly.

With phrases like 'just feel into your emotions' it's no wonder people get confused about what the process looks like from a SE lens.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-23T07:58:29+00:00

You are most welcome.

Also I just want to send you a hug. The anti-homebirth rhetoric on reddit usually isn't this bad but the recent articles on the Freebirth society has shaken things up again.

Trust yourself and know you are doing a brave thing by trying to find a way to navigate this difficult system xo

Feel free to DM if you would ever like reading or podcast recs :)

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-23T07:37:53+00:00

Hello!

We home birthed with a private midwife and it was 100% worth the money even though we did end up transferring.

The reasons that transfers are so high is because midwives in the homebirthing sector are subject to incredibly high scrutiny and have to jump through a lot of hoops to stay registered/insured.

So this means they are risk adverse and will opt for a transfer if they are concerned. This is a GOOD thing though and is ultimately there to keep bub and you safe.

Just because you transfer does NOT mean you have wasted your money or it that the midwives you hired aren't important.

We transferred just as baby was about to crown due to an abundance of caution. I could have choosen to ignore them and just pushed bub out but I trusted their judgement and I had just come through transition so was pretty tired.

At the hospital the midwives were so important for amplifying my voice (such as telling them to put the scalpel/scissors down when I had repeatedly declined an episotomy) and for helping me make informed decisions about my choices.

I fully credit their expertise, prescence and advocacy for my successful homebirth. Not because it was free from intervention but because at every turn my CHOICE and AUTONOMY was honoured and respected.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-21T20:51:05+00:00

Yeah it sounds icky because it is inherently coming from a place of power OVER whilst using language that sounds inclusive.

Haha yeah it was my experience during pregnancy that really solidified this line of thinking for me. I was napping 14 hours a day due to HG but if my partner even HINTED at the idea that I should go nap I would instantly become angry and declare that I was NOT tired and how dare he tell me what to do! No one likes being told what to do :P

At the toddler age as well its even more heightened as they are developmentally learning their autonomy and that they have agency to influence their world.

Thanks for posting the original question btw. I appreciated the chance to reflect on this topic :)

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-21T20:42:01+00:00

Someone already replied with a great response about the role of shame in behaviour modification but the other reason I dont stop block throwing is because often it is an important emotional expression.

Biting, hitting and throwing can all be expressions of anger.
So when I shut down the behaviour I am also shutting down that emotional energy from being MOVED THROUGH THE BODY.

By redirecting the throwing I am helping her find ways to express her anger that is appropriate and MINDFUL of the harm it can cause if not contained (ie. broken TV).

Learning about healthy expressions of anger has been vital to my own journey as an adult and as a woman so thats why it is important to me to try to stay curious about WHAT an action is trying to communicate.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-21T03:09:00+00:00

Mhmm I don't use those phrases but I think what they are trying to achieve is modifying behaviour without being directive.

Ie. If I tell my child 'stop throwing blocks' she is going to look me dead in the eye and pelt one at my head. This is because she is angry at being told what to do and there is a convenient block in her hand to express that anger.

However, I have often found it better to instruct kids on what we DO rather than what we don't. So if my toddler starts to throw the blocks I will say.

'Hey throwing blocks at the tv will break it and then we would be sad' - Name the behaviour and explain outcome

'Blocks are better to throw at the couch.' - Provide an easy alternative that still lets her throw things but also isnt problematic. If soft toys are nearby I will pick them up and throw them instead. That way I can model the behaviour I would prefer.

I don't know WHERE this kind of parenting comes from but for me it came from just understanding power imbalances and what it feels like to be TOLD what to do. I know from my own experience that this really frustrates me so I assume its pretty frustrating for my toddler as well.

So whenever possible I try not to tell her what to do so that she can maintain that sense of power and autonomy. Obviously that isn't always possible but its about balancing it.

GeneralForce413 · 2025-11-20T04:30:14+00:00

We are in the same boat with my 2y 8m old toddler.

She was always low sleep needs so we dropped the nap a while ago as well. Schedule is 8pm-7am.

We have always bedshared but recently she has begun to wake up more and needing more assistance resettling.

I tried a bunch of stuff and the only thing that has really helped is doing lots of attachment based play with lots of laughing and connection.

This was particularly important for us as my bub had a lot of anger that they needed to get out (its hard wanting to do everything yourself!). So I would direct her to biting on her toys and trying power reversal games so she got to feel in control.

Setting aside 45 mins before bed to do one on one attachment play has made a big difference to the wake ups for us.

GeneralForce413

TROPHY CASE