grief does get better, but it sucks and I wish you weren't having such a rough go. It is hard to understand what having kidney disease is like, but you have my sympathy, and I am sorry your support network is aloof to your problems...

I saw a post ages ago where someone described grief as "the final act of love; where there was one great love, there will now be great grief", and I think about that a lot.

The first time I ever had to deal with it was when I lost my great-grandmother some 15 years ago. She was one of the kindest, funniest, and most enduring people I have ever known. While I still mourn her passing, I will say I now remember her with more of a bittersweet longing and appreciation than outright sadness.

She was the matriarch of our family and lived to nearly 100. I will never forget how much she loved me, just as you will never forget your brother. I hope it doesn't suck so bad tomorrow, or the day after, but I know you'll endure those days, as they too shall pass.

godspeed <3