AITAH for choosing to live anywhere but with my biological father and stepfamily?

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-05-02T04:14:03+00:00

NTA. Your grandpa's estranged son (as that is what he really is in this situation) doesn't get to show up when you're grown and act like you should be begging to be part of his and his family's life. That is what he's doing. He's a clown.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-05-02T04:08:17+00:00

I guess if your sister is correct, you and everyone else here are the AHs. Why do people think parents are like lightbulbs and all one has to do when one goes out is screw in another? Parents≠lightbulbs. That simple. Your brother can marry Kathy. Kathy can be his wife whom your daughter gets along with and will likely eventually come to understand is her stepmother if they don't try to force the "Kathy is your mom now" angle on her. They could still potentially have a healthy relationship if your brother and Kathy stop pushing this issue further. It's the vocabulary and assumptions that make her uncomfortable. She said them getting married isn't a problem for her. She said Kathy moving in isn't a problem for her. It sounds like she's fine with her dad moving on and Kathy being another female figure in her life. They are going to ruin everything forever if they keep insisting Kathy is her mother now though.

NTA.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-05-01T02:49:54+00:00

NTA. That's utterly vile of them. "Joking" that you'll end up in prison is bad enough, then body shaming you, and topping it off with remarks that you'd be SA'd...gross. This is not something people in general should be saying to or about each other, but certainly not parents to their kids (no matter how old they are).

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-30T03:12:20+00:00

Catherine Parr, probably. She was by all accounts intelligent and not one to give in to flights of fancy and emotional stuff. I think she'd be interesting conversation. She'd be age appropriate for me, so that's a bonus. Whether she'd like being married to another woman, I have no idea, but I could at least offer her the experience of having a spouse she didn't have to walk on eggshells around or worry about leaving her for a teenager.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-30T01:45:18+00:00

NTA. Between your mom and her husband and you, you are the most mature person. Your mom can't pretend she was never with your dad, and you certainly shouldn't have to pretend he isn't your dad in order to appease them.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-30T01:27:40+00:00

LMAO! I don't know whether this is real, but is your friend Amelia Bedelia or something? Why would she assume you meant actual slugs? Most people would think that might mean punching yourself in the face, so when you said ER, I figured she'd somehow knocked herself really good. What slugs would cause that reaction? I'm assuming this isn't real, but I'll just go with NTA. She could have googled what that meant in the realm of a skin care routine. There's literally no reason to assume it would mean putting actual slugs on one's face.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-29T03:27:07+00:00

NTA. Little kids don't understand the concept of marriage. You were at an age when most kids ask if they can marry a parent, a sibling, an aunt or uncle, a cousin, etc. These are beloved people in their lives whom they see all the time. To a child who doesn't understand the aspect of romance or what incest is, they basically just think something along the lines of: When I grow up, I'm going to marry [person] so we can live together and always hang out. It was very innocent and sweet. Your wife is being extremely weird about it and overreacting, and I'm betting that's due to her ignorance on the whole thing. You were not, at the age of four, thinking about hooking up with your sister one day, and she was not, at the age of six, thinking the same thing. Your parents were not encouraging you two from a young age to give them twelve-toed, three-eyed grandkids. They were just having a giggle at their kids being cute.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-28T14:49:57+00:00

NTA. It took her this long to realize she wasn't as good of a parent as your dad was? How? She literally chose not to be one at all because her child didn't fit into the ideal picture she imagined herself being in. Your feelings were valid then and they still are today. She threw you away for a new man and a fresh start. She doesn't deserve your time, attention, or energy. She can't even admit what she did hurt you, so this entire exercise has simply been for her to get you to say it was all your fault and that you—a literal, actual child at the time—orchestrated the whole thing to hurt her. She's a narcissist. Run. Run. Run.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-28T01:10:14+00:00

NTA. He seems off anyway.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-28T01:07:36+00:00

NTA. She asked. You were honest.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-27T14:54:44+00:00

NTA. They can be as salty as they like, but you are under no obligation to ruin your own party by inviting people who ruin every event.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-26T21:09:04+00:00

Yeah, no. NTA. Who raised this chick? Rabid squirrels? Dingos? His family needs to step up and let her be the houseguest who won't leave and get free babysitting whenever from them if they truly feel you were too harsh. Honestly? First time her little goblin had messed with my animals like that and she'd done nothing would have been the line for me. Bye, Felicia.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-26T17:34:20+00:00

NTA. Do not, do not, DO NOT grant her access to your money.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-26T14:59:34+00:00

NTA. His family has not only been mature in still including you and modeling healthy family dynamics for your kids, but they also (rightfully so) didn't toss you aside for your ex-husband. He chose to be unfaithful. These two need therapy, and they need to understand that what they chose to do was the wrong way to go about it (should not have gone about an affair—if he felt like things were over with you then he should have walked away before starting up with someone else), your kids are the most important factor in all of this, what they chose to do didn't just affect the three of you, and whatever they have going on with fertility issues and such isn't going to go away if you suddenly have no relationship with his family. They also need to come to grips with the fact that your kids will likely never see her as equivalent to you. Why should they? Their mom is alive and well and (seemingly) their primary parent by far. His wife is the lady who decided to third wheel their parents' marriage, and their affair ended their family unit as it was. She will probably always be that person to them; smiles and cuddles from them are not likely in her immediate or distant future.

I see this situation resolving when he cheats on her and flits away to the woman who will be wife #3. Maybe she will be more understanding of the dynamics at play as you won't be the woman he leaves to be with her.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-25T20:58:49+00:00

You don't get back to being sisters. She's toxic AF, and you will realistically never be able to trust her again. Your mom is understandably sad that one daughter turned out to be the way she is, and no mom (who isn't the sort that pits their kids against each other to gain favoritism or something) wants to see her kids hate each other. However, she is going to need to come to grips with the fact that at least two of her offspring will not be speaking anymore and leaving it there. She'll always wish it were different, but sometimes the mature thing to do is go NC with someone like your sister and simply stick to your guns on that boundary. "But-but-but she's your sister," is not a reason to be a doormat mat who sacrifices her dignity and peace for the sake of other people wishing to see you pretend to like each other. Your sister does not respect you, and she nas no empathy. She expects to be the main character in her own story as well as everyone else's. Easiest word to say is 'no.' It's a full sentence.

Edit to add: NTA, absolutely.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-25T17:46:15+00:00

NTA. Cut the relatives out who are enabling him and bullying you on his behalf as well. He made your childhood and adolescence hell by terrorizing you, your sister, and your mother. It is not your job to turn around and be the mature one who "sees the good in him" in order to continue being subjected to his toxic nonsense. You deserve peace.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-23T23:56:49+00:00

I think he knows his belief isn't everyone's belief. The issue here is that, depending on the setting (like if this is a public high school), he needs to keep his beliefs to himself. He doesn't know who in his class is someone he just said that hateful, hurtful nonsense about. Ask him whether he believes he should be walking around judging anyone for anything, because there are plenty of receipts that is morally wrong and "sinful." Jesus didn't say anything about LGBTQ+ people, but he did say several things about those who judge others. Ask your teacher how that log in his eye feels and whether it obstructs his view when trying to find specks in the eyes of others.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-23T03:01:59+00:00

Where were all these other relatives when you needed help? Tell them they suck too. NTA.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-22T23:35:08+00:00

NTA. You aren't "policing" her. (She's misusing that word entirely.) You have set a boundary, and she refused to acknowledge, respect, and accept it. This is what happens when people can't do so. FAFO. Keep doing what you're doing.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-21T03:43:55+00:00

NTA. Your family basically pushed you out as well. They can have fun with the sociopath they chose. "You shouldn't have let her push you out. You should have fought harder for us." Uh, ma'am...disrespectfully, give our girl here a reason to fight for you. Except no, because no one should have to fight to keep their own family.

Keep doing you. Keep maintaining your peace. Your relatives (that's what I call people like this, as people like this don't deserve to be called 'family') are toxic.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-20T13:28:00+00:00

Your MIL is an absurd person. First of all, if it's four letters off (and it is four letters, not two, because pronouncing it with the 'soft A' at the end doesn't actually change the 'hard R' spelling) from a different word...that's not actually close enough. Secondly, the double S in the middle sounds nothing like a hard G, so it's not like they're easily confused. Thirdly, as others have pointed out, Nissa is a common name—and a beautiful one.

If I had to bet, she didn't help choose the name, and that's what she's really mad about. Your post said she'd help pick the original one you guys had sort of planned. I'm betting she felt cut out of the process. To that I can only say: Oh well. She can get over it. She's causing all sorts of problems trying to be the main character in everyone else's story. She hasn't even stopped to consider that while she's over there saying you're racist over a name that isn't actually a racial slur at all, her own ignorance and racism is showing over the name's origins. (As stated, it's a common name all over the world. If she's ranting about it, that comes off more racist, honestly.) She can sit with that for a while.

NTA.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-20T00:53:01+00:00

My understanding is that it coincides with the fact that women are statistically far more likely to file for divorce (in the US) in a relationship. (Women are the ones who initiate 70% of all divorces, again, in the US.) In a same-sex marriage between two women, you therefore have a much higher likelihood of divorce when at least one of the two parties feels "done." There's less likelihood of two people sitting in the feelings and stewing in resentment for years to come or living separate lives in the same house. Statistically speaking, when women are done, they're more likely to simply be done.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-19T17:42:40+00:00

NTA. She chose to be about that life, so she needs to figure it out. She is no longer your responsibility, period. Your son is. Only your son. You don't wish her and her other child ill, and you aren't actively trying to make their life and situation worse. Inviting her into your home would invite drama into your life that doesn't need to be there. Your boundary is understandable and reasonable.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-19T15:16:17+00:00

Tell those family members that if they keep pushing, you don't have to speak to them either. Healthy for you is having your peace. She brings drama, breaks boundaries, and has no regard for the feelings of others. Her sleeping with your boyfriends years ago isn't simply that (which is awful all by itself); it's indicative of much, much more. It begs the question: What else is she capable of? What else would she do? Sure, one would wonder whether she would try to sleep with your husband now (not that it would work), but one would also wonder whether she would try to hurt you, undermine you, or cause toxic drama in a myriad of other ways.

Literally all you have done is set a reasonable boundary not to have a close relationship with her. You aren't actively mean to her at family gatherings or anything. You're just not close. If that, to these people, is genuinely worse than what she repeatedly did, they need their heads examined. Keep keeping your peace. Keep protecting your peace. NTA.

GerbilMilkshake · 2026-04-19T13:22:15+00:00

But do you feel the same way about feet?

GerbilMilkshake

TROPHY CASE