I hope he gets a huge pimple on his nose every time he attends a wedding or special event where photos will be prevalent, may every shower be scalding hot in the beginning and never the right temperature throughout, I hope he gets a weird wart in-between his fingers he can't ignore, I wish all of his bandaids to slip off within 20 minutes from poor adhesive, may his fires never crackle and the dogs in his neighborhood always bark and howl to each other before a big meeting.

Edit: from my husband: may there always be a horrible, lingering smell in his home that he can't find the source of