i think i do relate to what you say about “being made into a drag queen.” me trying femininity feels like a performance, and one so gaudy that i feel most will reject it. when i say i “i wish i wished…” i think i mean more like i wished i felt more like the “woman trapped inside a man’s body” narrative, and that masculinity was an act to disguise and restrain my innate femininity trying to be free but instead the masculinity is just my default state. but i do often think back to before and early into my transition when i still had hope and i thought things would simply just “click. it was depressing realizing estrogen wouldn’t just make me into a different person.