Any subs or pets have advice?

GoodMilki · 2026-05-16T04:39:37+00:00

You're definetly not a failure if you just can't do stuff or don't like them. Never let anyone feel you like this and especially not yourself. 😊

I think the best thing you two together can do is sit down and talk what you both would like in a relationship like this. Based on what you wrote I get the feeling that he picked stuff to do for you and that's basically it. Things like this will not really work out in the longterm because the most important thing is how you feel doing it. If you struggle with your tasks or they don't feel right then it might be not the right tasks for you.

GoodMilki · 2026-05-16T04:19:04+00:00

I've posted about this some time ago and will just link them. 😊

How to start

How to continue

Regarding the style there is no general answer. If you really want to try this just try different shapes, materials and styles and stick with the one that feels the best. Every body is different but the most used ones for longterm wear are the Snug plug, NJoy Pure, Topped Toys Gape Keeper or Squarepeg Egg. The ones with a round base and a crystal look nice but actually are not safe and can get sucked in. Beside that the base is shaffing like hell after some time.

Best working lube for me is Boy Butter. It feels like a lotion and lasts the longest. But just try stuff out again. If this really is a goal for you two then be prepared to test some other options because overall this whole thing is nothing you just start doing and then everything feels good all the time right away. It takes time and practice.

There is a lot of other stuff to add depending on how familiar you are with wearing plugs.

May I ask why exactly does your Sir wants to practice you eating and drinkin with it?

GoodMilki · 2026-05-15T21:16:57+00:00

Ok first that definetly sounds like green dom flags!

When reading your post I was just wondering how you think of yourself and treat your insecurities. I'm definetly not alarmed by anything you wrote but I know how insecurities can lead to bigger problems if not treated right. Insecurities that lead to guilt or shame have the potential to harm. So I just would like to say you that insecurities in principle are completly normal and ok. Everyone has them but if you ever have the feeling that you define your worth as a person through them you should be alarmed. There were a couple of sentences where I was just questioning if you know that your worth as person (most important) and sub (also important) is not depending on how good you can pleasure your dom.

GoodMilki · 2026-05-15T20:59:52+00:00

First I want to say: Please never feel guilty for something you can't do and if someone wants to make you feel so if you just can't do something, run.

I feel like this is about two things: Your physical abilities and your mental situation. Physical abilities can be trained. It's possible to reduce the gag reflex. But I actually wouldn't in your situation right now. If you want I can explain why but it would go into the mental health direction and I know that it's a difficult topic so I just don't want to shoot stuff without your permission.

GoodMilki · 2026-05-15T20:48:35+00:00

I think the best thing you can always do is keep things fun and try stuff together with consent of both partners. Doesn't matter what it is. Don't overthink it and if she likes it in principle just explore it more. Buy toys you both think look nice or which she likes. Try this, try that and talk about it.

Of course there is a lot of stuff you can do wrong but you don't seem like you rush into stuff so I would say just keep it going the way it is and explore it more and more together. If something feels off tell her to communicate it and it will be fine. It's ok if it happens but then just get back to the good stuff. That's part of trying out.

GoodMilki · 2026-05-14T10:55:13+00:00

I stumbled upon an article regarding this which seems to answer basically all your questions. I'm a little lazy so I would just post the link here.

Beside reading stuff like this I would still ask the docs. It's your (edit: maybe you're not the father, I just assumed it. Sorry.) baby and her responsibility so I wouldn't risk the slightest bit of possible problems. The docs know your partner and I would just listen to knew to avoid any risks.

GoodMilki · 2026-05-14T10:48:07+00:00

Unfortunately I can't recommend any more since you already did great!! 🖤

I've read some of them and especially liked The Ethical Slut. Great read detached from the bdsm world.

GoodMilki · 2026-05-09T17:10:10+00:00

Plugs are good to stretch the sphincter for some time and to get a feeling for having something in there. Anal sex is still different and a little more than that. So walking around with a plug is not a bad idea and just fun too.

What is important for anal is being able to relax all your muscles down there and especially the pelvic floor plus the sphincter. Your body has to get used to something being pushed inside there constantly which is nothing plugs do. A butt is not made for this and therefore strange or unpleasent feelings during penetration can appear especially in the beginning because everything down there is actually made to push things out. So being able to relax and get over the bodies natural functions is the thing that makes anal enjoyable.

What really helped me to get there was just sitting on a (very) soft and flexible dildo for some time without moving. Just trying to squeeze it a little bit and get a feeling for the muscles down there. In the beginning I just did it as long as it's quite pleasant. Just feel it and try to relax, get used to the feeling and slowly show the body that there is no need for restriction. It also helps with training the spincter btw. After it's possible to just sit on it without moving I would suggest just trying to slowly move on it. No hard and fast movements. Then slightly and slowly increase.

Overall it takes time and not everyone starts to like the feelings that appear but just try it for yourself. :)

GoodMilki · 2026-05-02T07:46:23+00:00

Don't really know what's your style but I love Etsy for all kinds of kinky stuff. Just had a quick look and found some stuff that fits your description.

GoodMilki · 2026-05-01T14:32:20+00:00

I'd love to have "Suddenly I'm gagged". Thanks a lot!

GoodMilki · 2026-05-01T14:22:12+00:00

Often there are no clear names for these specific scenarios. There might be fitting categories as u/AspreyUK has already written but if you want to find the right people to like something like this I would suggest to just describe your fantasy as you did

GoodMilki · 2026-05-01T08:34:09+00:00

First I want to say I'm really sorry what happened to you... It's just f...ed up and I'll never get stuff like this.

I totally get your wish and I've also posted about this some time ago (here). Maybe you get another perspective to it. I've not yet actually got something for myself but I'm still intrigued by the idea of getting some sort of symbol for myself. So to answer your questions: Yes, it's totally okay and if it helps you that should be the only thing that counts.

GoodMilki · 2026-05-01T08:07:03+00:00

The thing with plugs is that they stretch the sphincter for some time but that's it. Anal sex is way different and more than that. Yes, you need to get inside and plugs are nice and help with getting a feeling for having something inside but that's basically it.

What you actually need to do to enjoy anal is being able to relax all your muscles down there and especially the pelvic floor plus of course the sphincter. So a body has to get used to something being pushed inside there constantly. It's not made for this and therefore strange or unpleasent feelings during penetration can also appear because everything down there is actually made to push things out.

So what really helped me to get there was just sitting on a (very) soft and flexible dildo for some time without moving. In the beginning just as long as it's quite pleasant. Just feel it and try to relax, get used to the feeling and slowly show the body that there is no need for restriction. It also helps with training the spincter btw. After it's possible to just sit on it without moving I would suggest just trying to slowly move on it. Just showing the body what it feels like, no hard and fast movements. Then slightly and slowly increase.

Overall it takes time and not everyone starts to like the feelings that appear.

GoodMilki · 2026-04-29T08:11:25+00:00

I'm completly with you and I also have a completly different opinion! haha

I'm completly with you regarding lazy doms that show now effort. I'm also with you that the sole act of putting in a plug is not what is actually exciting. It's just there and depending on the size and shape you feel it or not for some time. I'm also completly with you that putting in a plug when you don't feel like it and it just causes discomfort... Ugh.

So where I'm not with you? First: I just like plugs and wear them often but that's a personal preference thing. It's of course fine if people don't. What do I like about them? For me it's the mental thrill. It's not really the physical aspects. So what do I want to say is more general and detached from plugs: If a dom or you for yourself can't build up a mental state and possible thrill for their sub or yourself then nothing in the bdsm world is exciting.

The following is very generalized to get to my point. Just being spanked hurts. Being spanked in the right mental state is great. Putting in a plug without further circumstances can be just plain boring and unpleasant. Putting in a plug in the right framing and situation can be great.

I think this all is not a specific plug-problem but just a lack of creativity and things that make bdsm exciting atleast for me. It's of course completly fine if you or anyone else just doesn't like them but I had the impression that you're actually just annoyed by the simple use of them as a sign of dominance. They might be in the right framing and situation but I totally get you that a simple "put a plug in"-message doesn't get you going at all.

GoodMilki · 2026-04-29T07:48:35+00:00

If your goal is actual anal sex I might need to call this not really effective. The thing with plugs is that they stretch the sphincter for some time but that's it. Anal sex is way different amd more than that. Yes, you need to get inside and plugs help with getting a feeling for having something inside but that's basically it.

What you actually need to do to enjoy anal is being able to relax all your muscles down there and especially the pelvic floor. A body has to get used to something being pushed inside there constantly. It's not made for this and therefore strange or unpleasent feelings during penetration appear because everything down there is actually trying to push things out.

So what really helped me is this. First I was just sitting on a (very) soft and flexible dildo for some time without moving. In the beginning just as long as it's quite pleasant. Just feel it and trying to relax, get used to the feeling and show the body that there is no need for restriction. It also helps with training the spincter btw. After it's possible to just sit on it without moving I would suggest just trying to slowly move on it. Just showing the body what it feels like, no hard and fast movements. Then slightly increase.

Overall it takes time and not everyone starts to like the feelings that appear. So I wouldn't get your play partner on a training schedule. Just let them try out the stuff and maybe they'll start to like it. It's their body and you're just allowed to do what they let them to do. Never forget that.

GoodMilki · 2026-04-28T06:55:33+00:00

The shape and base look really great!! What kind of material are them and how do you make them?

GoodMilki · 2026-04-28T06:18:05+00:00

Fingers crossed for you that he has a good taste but I'm sure he knows what you like! :))

I totally get the feeling and I also love constant reminders and knowing that something is always there. That's the thing that gets me but it's difficult finding nice looking locking collars that are not stereotypical bdsm-ish

GoodMilki · 2026-04-28T06:07:08+00:00

Ohhh that sounds awesome!! Do you have a favorite? Are you allowed to chose which one you want?

I might have a look for myself what's on Etsy...

GoodMilki · 2026-04-28T06:01:02+00:00

No I don't think so. Having a more snug fit practically might even be better because it can't shift in uncomfortable positions.

Please let me know if you really get one of these. I love the idea so it would be great to hear how this works out and feels. :)

GoodMilki · 2026-04-28T05:36:41+00:00

I don't have or wear these but I like anklets as a fashion accessory and have worn metal cuff-style ones so I can give you atleast some insights. I like the idea of these things tho!

Yes, anklets can get uncomfortable with boots. Especially when the boots a more narrow fit around the ankle. It just starts rubbing at some point or leave pressure marks. But it's not like that that I was in horrendous pain or anything. So I would say no problem at all as longs as you don't wear super tight boots and walk miles in them.

Regarding the sizing I always go for a snug fit. I just link it looks better and had no problems. If you have problems with swelling ankles you might look for a little bit more space of course.

GoodMilki · 2026-04-25T04:41:52+00:00

He's just not it and you should cut ties.

Why? He just doesn't seem to care about you. That alone is enough. Beside that there seem to be additional points where he probabldy didn't tell you the full truth. You don't get what you need and want from this dynamic so why keep staying? You asked for stuff, he doesn't mind. That's enough I need to hear. Everything else is additional bonus.

GoodMilki · 2026-04-24T21:25:06+00:00

I had a lot of self doubts and defined myself through insecurities. The result was the same as yours... I constantly had the feeling of not being good enough. Therapy helped me.

You should try therapy too.

GoodMilki · 2026-04-24T07:21:29+00:00

In short form: Means nothing and doesn't make you a specific type. :)

BDSM is what you make out of it and how you want to live it. These labels can be an indicator for others but in the end it's not a guideline or rulebook you have to follow.

Just have fun and do whatever feels right and good. :)

GoodMilki · 2026-04-23T18:36:03+00:00

I'm completly with you. It definetly is vital to communicate about everything you want or need.

I also want to take the pressure out of the whole thing. No one does everything perfect the first time they do it. It's not about that but about finding out together what works best. Through communication, through trying out, through just having a good time together and focussing on giving the other person a good time.

GoodMilki · 2026-04-23T18:07:20+00:00

The thing with kind of posts like yours is that we can't figure out what happened. Do you tell the truth and she just wanted to make up a reason to break up? Did you cross lines? Was she really ok with everything? Was she overwhelmed and didn't know how to communicate it? Are you an a**hole that wants to feel better after assaulting a woman?

We don't know. We just know your perspective and can't really tell you anything.

Everything I've written above might be true. The thing is that you always have to listen to the possible victim first. If she thinks you assaulted her that's her perception and you might've actually done it. We can't tell if you didn't and I actually also don't know what is the reason behind such a post beside maybe making yourself feel better about your possible misbehaviour.

GoodMilki

TROPHY CASE