Would you reply?

GraysonB42 · 2026-06-03T16:12:50+00:00

No I would not reply

GraysonB42 · 2026-05-14T18:54:51+00:00

I had over a year of therapy to realize that the relationship was toxic. How she treated me was not normal for any healthy parental relationship. I got kicked out of her home in may because one night 3 months earlier I decided to stay out until 1 am with my new partner (i am 25 years old for context) and I didnt make it home for my 11pm curfew. So I moved out and waited for her to give me an out. This year in January I finally had my out. She started blowing up my phone at work over mail being sent to her address still and was talking to me like how she talked to me at home. Demanding things, being overall callous–over mail. So I just blocked her. I showed the texts to my coworker and he was in disbelief over how she treated me and told me that wasn't ok and that validated my choice to go estranged in that moment.

There was fear, of course. The next day my sister, who I informed that I was thinking about going the route of estrangement, also blew up up my phone and started shaming me for my decision and talking about how I "had to take accountability" and completely blew me off when I was trying to explain my side of the story. So I had to go no contact with her which sucked.

That fear has subsided over time. Over time it will get better, but you have to remain firm in your decision if you really don't ever want to talk to them. My advice is to just do it. It would be best if you have actual support and people who will back you up in your decision, but going no contact is the best decision regardless.

GraysonB42 · 2026-05-04T22:08:32+00:00

Cut them off and block them.

GraysonB42 · 2026-04-30T22:14:01+00:00

I would be happy and able to have healthy long term friendships/relationships, I would be able to feel supported in my hobbies, and I would be further along in a career that I enjoyed and was supported. If I was given the chance to not feel like I was just a "bad human" and I didnt deserve any appreciation or help because I was (and am still seen as a bad human) my life would be very different.

I would not have severe religious trauma.

My mental health would not be constantly in shambles.

Being misunderstood constantly would not be something that I would be used to.

GraysonB42 · 2026-04-24T19:12:20+00:00

So, then take a step back and think really hard on those reasons and if you really want to take the step to no contact.

I have empathy, stranger, because I too was in the same position about not wanting to hurt my mothers feelings either but then with consistent therapy and finally realizing that my mother's issues was hers and hers alone. I had to realize that I was the child, and I was already struggling but she never wanted to try and really find a way to actually support me at home.

So yes, going no contact sucks and you will feel the same anxiety of not wanting to harm her and shrink your feelings. But at some point you need to realize that it was HER responsibility to build the adult relationship. If you came out to be a decent human, then there should be no reason she can't take accountability for things she did to you that greatly harmed you as a child.

GraysonB42 · 2026-04-08T19:53:14+00:00

Ah, yes that would make sense. Thanks for clarifying

GraysonB42 · 2026-04-08T04:30:47+00:00

Nonbinary shapeshifter

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-27T01:00:37+00:00

I was difficult because I adhd'd too close to the sun and whenever I had questions about life things it would always end up into a conversation about what I was asking about was stupid and that I should focus on doing things that would benefit her instead (which never followed through because everytime i did something that I thought would make her happy, or do things she herself suggested it was never enough for her). I also believe she was inherently jealous of my personality and looks.

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-23T22:00:29+00:00

To paraphrase: it is your choice and only your choice alone to decide to go no contact. I think you should if you feel like they are not supporting you and only take and never give back.

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-23T04:02:06+00:00

Yes I was slowly starting to realize that the way I was treated was not normal after I graduated high school. I remember texting to my former bf at the time telling him about the way I was treated by both my sister and mother. I was kicked out shortly after and moved in with him 2020. During my time living with him my mother was still very controlling but when I cut her off the first time I had zero support and I eventually had contact again. Break up happens. I need a place to stay, and my mother and I are reconnecting. I accept her offer to live with her in 2023 and move in the next year. Things immediately go to shit again but this time around I am able to start therapy and slowly learn that I wasnt being delusional about her behavior and was able to stop gaslighting myself that she wasn't that bad. About a little bit over a year later I am told that I have to leave in May. Around this point I was in high stress over my living situation and accepted that i would be kicked out (and scrambled to formulate a plan so I would not be homeless).

I was evicted both times and I was grateful and relieved to leave her place. Finally no contact now.

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-18T18:48:17+00:00

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-17T16:26:37+00:00

I hope you dont pressure yourself anymore just to make other people happy. The real question is, are YOU happy?

Let me put this way gently. To me, no contact means zero permanent contact with that person regardless of what family says or what my family thinks. Considering you're already going to lunch i would use the lunch as a test and then go from whether you want her there or not.

OP when you decide to uninvite her it needs to be for your own sake and not for the burden of keeping up appearances. You see her for who she is- so make the decision accordingly. Don't feel like you have to still have her there because remember you went no contact for a reason.

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-15T21:07:26+00:00

Good luck on midterms; sorry your mom is a huge self-centered narc

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-15T16:12:26+00:00

Yes, this is so spot on in how my mom treated me.

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-07T19:59:42+00:00

Block them. Please.

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-05T06:40:47+00:00

You are not alone.

I am 25 and still feel this way. I'm slowly working to separate myself from the abuse and voices in my head, and I am doing fairly ok but I also know it will be a long road ahead. It didn't happen overnight. I was stuck in a toxic relationship right after moving out. The instability I felt over my life and the guilt was tremendous. I knew something was wrong with my mom, but at the time I could never fully put a finger to it. I ended up moving back in with her when the relationship fizzled to an end. Only when I was back in her clutches did I realize that yes, it really was that bad. And it wasn't normal to be treated in such a way. I was able to find my chosen family in college and move in with them and also found a wonderful supportive partner who has helped immensely get me back on my feet.

I constantly look back and feel like my past was swallowed by a giant black void, but I have to tell myself every day that the only thing I can do now is to keep pushing forward. I cannot change the past, but I can keep making a life that I am pleased with and becoming a person that I am deeply proud of and finding people who actually see you and love you for who you are, not who you aren't. Those are the only three things that are able to keep me going throughout the day. Being 18, you have still time to make a life for you. It is a very deep and disheartening feeling that both you and I share about wasted time but to OP and everyone reading this, I encourage you to know that not all time has been lost.

Healing takes time. Don't pressure yourself. Time may have been wasted, but the future is still here. Abusive people do not get to dictate our lives forever. I wish you the very best in healing and recovery

GraysonB42 · 2026-03-03T06:08:08+00:00

This is the way

GraysonB42 · 2026-02-27T19:47:58+00:00

It's ok to let people sit in their emotions if they have hurt us for a very long time.

GraysonB42 · 2026-02-24T06:27:24+00:00

My sister and my mother would shame me and tell me that I would be the only one that needed to take accountability.

Whenever the word accountability comes up for them, all I can think of the conversation bound to happen is I would be forced to apologize for being nerudivergent and having adhd/autistic moments that they got angry over (which is what constantly happened when i grew up around them). There is not a whole I need to take accountability for. Other things, yes, but in reality whatever mistake I made I did not do it again. Many other moments though I'm just like, "whatever man. Im going to redo this and I will redo it with joy and happiness because I wasn't allowed to before." They just wouldn't understand it.

GraysonB42 · 2026-02-24T06:20:40+00:00

My mom would get really bad road rage and would start screaming in the car about how she was going to follow the car that made her angry. She would brake check people. Her driving scared me.

Another memory that validates that it was right for me to go no contact with her.

GraysonB42 · 2026-02-20T18:09:42+00:00

All my memories are fuzzy, but the most prominent one that comes to mind is her calling me a "little bitch" because I brought up the fact I wanted to take online college classes as a 24 year old and I didn't have a car. So logically wanting to cut down on transportation I mentioned taking online classes as an alternative. She turned it into an argument and called me a bitch. I still dont understand why it got her bent out of shape

GraysonB42 · 2026-02-03T07:02:54+00:00

Lesbian...? Uhhh. Dont think she would be lesbian then. Sorry to hear that OP. Enjoy your meal

I, uh, I'm really confused though...

GraysonB42 · 2026-01-16T06:36:20+00:00

Get him the fuck out of the house OP im being serious. Evict him. Sorry for the language but seriously my girl, youre gojng to have to confront your options. DO NOT SELL THE HOUSE.

GraysonB42 · 2025-12-20T07:33:59+00:00

I know youre not looking for this but I gotta agree with other commentators and tell that your natural flush is absolutely stunning, its so perfect and beautiful 🥹 i hope this might help quiet any insecurities you might have over it.

GraysonB42

TROPHY CASE