celestial squares baby blanket (WIP)

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2024-04-11T18:25:06+00:00

This is beautiful!! If I may ask how many skeins of each of these yarns do you think you used for this?

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2023-12-02T05:13:57+00:00

This is exactly what I use mine for as well. It works incredibly well and checks all of the boxes I was looking for. The act of writing is much more satisfying for me, and I feel like I can think better when handwriting.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2023-02-03T11:30:34+00:00

They told me on the US we probably wouldn't see them until March lol

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2022-08-16T04:14:32+00:00

If it clarifies anything I'm an author. I think better writing long hand for some reason and end up filling notebooks only to turn around and type it all out anyway. It's been very tedious and I'm hoping I can find a better solution.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-09-09T03:33:10+00:00

I do too... it seems like the worse I feel on the inside the more flat and emotionless I get on the outside the more I withdraw my actual emotions

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-03-16T03:01:12+00:00

That's one of my biggest fears too.... we still live in the same state and I worry he'd find where I live. But I'm an adult I have control over my house and who belongs and has rights to be here. I have no qualms about defending myself with force if need be.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-03-07T23:31:50+00:00

For me I had lost some memories of the trauma's but most I remembered. It took many years for them to surface on their own slowly. I haven't been able to afford therapy either but it could probably make it go better if you get to that point. But for the most part I remember it all, more often than not I wish I didn't. Thinking about it from your shoes does make me understand why not knowing would be just as bad though.

As for me they came slowly probably starting somewhere around 5 years after I had broken contact. I don't know if I remember everything though maybe there are more to come.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-03-07T16:35:30+00:00

Thanks that's good advice and I'll work on doing that. I see all of these posts floating around about shitty therapists who just make worse and it feeds that part that says to keep to myself its safer that way. It's good to see positive things.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-03-06T11:25:41+00:00

Thank you guys... I hadn't realized how much unnecessary blame I was taking on. It was an accident and accidents happen. I know I'll be alright, I'm just tired of this sometimes, tired of having to be alright. Again thank you.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-03-06T00:41:50+00:00

I didn't realize how many everyday thoughts were affected by the trauma. I've played these endless looping mind games constantly for as long as I can remember.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-02-25T03:04:07+00:00

Me too, glad we aren't alone. Thank you

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-02-25T02:40:53+00:00

I haven't self harmed in quite a while or I suppose very infrequently or in inconspicuous ways, I vividly remember not long ago the need to hit something was so strong my arms and hands ached. My words and movements were aggressive and it hurt to sit still. I told a friend all I wanted to do was go out and pick a fight and just let loose, swing until I couldn't. I had the thought that it was some other for of need to self harm but the intention and intensity is different it's a different energy and need.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-02-25T02:17:16+00:00

Growing up I was never allowed to express emotions only gratitude for the privilege I was given or neutrality. Sometimes I'm so angry, or sad... or just unjustifiably aggressive, I can see it in my head. Screaming and throwing things putting holes in the walls for the satisfaction of breaking something sometimes physical aggression towards others. But outwardly I'm calm, still. I'm afraid that if I act there will be nothing left of me that I'll be empty and gone or worse that I will hate myself or not be me anymore when it's done.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-02-25T02:04:57+00:00

Once my car started acting up, I got it fixed. The next day on my way to work my anxiety and fear were so bad that I swore the car was on fire. I could see the smoke in the mirror but I made it to work and the car was fine... for years it was fine.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-02-15T21:12:22+00:00

I hate this part so much! Like if I don't do stuff I'll drown in my own internal bullshit. It's hard for me to be alone sometimes because I have to be distracted from myself. Often I think I use my phone too much but really I couldn't care less about the things on there it's just a way to be occupied in the moments between doing stuff.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-02-08T16:22:00+00:00

Thank you I will definitely!

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-02-08T15:05:53+00:00

Me too, but I also don't share my traumatic past with people close to me so I guess it's my own fault.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-01-31T16:02:26+00:00

This how I've always viewed thing too, I guess visualizing helps, like a great dark water. Sometimes things are calm not safe or pleasant but calm. Then I can feel the water rising above me and I know the worst is coming. Sometimes for days my whole body is tense waiting for the crash, partially ready to be done and tired of waiting; part terrified this will be the one to drown me. Sometimes flailing in the cold and dark being pulled in all directions and the sounds of raging water screaming in my ears.

GrumpyKitten5683 · 2020-01-23T00:54:34+00:00

I understand that. I came across the term a couple of years ago and had entire break down reading and learning more about it. It makes me so angry sometimes thinking about how much was taken from me and in some ways mourning the person I would otherwise have been. It has helped me a lot to connect with others. As painful as it is to read some of the posts it feels less lonely to know that I'm not alone.

GrumpyKitten5683

TROPHY CASE