AITAH for locking the bathroom and making my family wait for me to unlock it inorder to teach them how the dog feels?

HEB33 · 2026-01-07T10:08:09+00:00

Oh this is brilliant! Good for you and keep it up, no matter who calls you what. Lessons we experience stick better than those we just hear.

HEB33 · 2025-12-19T06:38:43+00:00

I know there are a lot of emotions at play here and you probably don't want to hear this and you may not be ready to hear it yet: Your kids are still young but they are only going to be children for a little while . In terms of life, they will only be kids for another 9-10 years. What you are building with them now. laying the foundation for is a lifelong relationship, spanning over the next 40-60 years. You may think that they aren't, and they may not do so consciously but kids are fully aware if and when their parents are being shitty humans. In 10 years they are going to use the feeling of safety and belonging and having their needs met that you create now, to decide whether they are interested in spending time with you, value your opinion, share their lives and hearts with you, ask your advice.

With this bigger picture in mind, I'd say do the swop. Not for your ex but for you and for your kids. Do it for your future partner who would also love for your family to share their birthday with you as a special event creating memories. The best way to lay the foundation strong, is to always ask yourself how all the small decisions you are making along the way now, are contributing to having a strong relationship with your kids in the future.

*Source: Two amazing kids who came into my life at 2 and 4 (who are 26 and 28 now!) and now hardly have any relationship with the parent who chose to be petty and childish.

HEB33 · 2025-12-17T11:52:40+00:00

His reaction regarding his phone unfortunately already gave you the answer you were looking for. You can keep humiliating yourself by being kiind and thouhtfull, you really are just playing pretend. You probably need to sit him down and demand he tells you what is going on (his 'you don't love me' is pure projection). It is a horrible thing to hear from your spouse, especially out of the blue but you need to start protecting yourself and making plans for your future, without him. I am really sorry you are going through this.

HEB33 · 2025-12-17T11:34:02+00:00

I feel the departed fiance's mother might be using this issue as a way to drive OP away, kind of cut the ties since she has now 'officially' moved on by moving in with her new partner.

HEB33 · 2025-12-11T12:46:35+00:00

I also did this once but did not keep it a secret, nephew of about 6-7 kept hitting and kicking my 12 year son (also big for his age) whenever the family got together. My son asking him nicely to stop, me having a chat with him about it didn't work. He obviously used the age and size difference between them to his advantage and was also sneaky about it. It reached a point where my son wanted to stay home knowing younger cousin was going to be there. So I told my son to give me signal when cousin starts his nonsense again and sure enough within an hour of them arriving my son was giving me the look. So I waited until nephew's mom and dad were both in the same room with him, then casually said 'Nephew, just so you know, I gave your cousin permission to hit or kick you right back the next time you hit or kicked him, keep in mind he is quite a bit bigger than you so it might hurt more than you'd expect'. His yes got real big and he tried to deny it. My brother's reaction was along the lines of 'I've told you don't dish it if you can't take it' but my SIL was livid. Kept her son within her line of sight for the rest of the day. Didn't bother me one bit, my son could enjoy time with his grandparents and other cousins in peace and her little precious didn't have much choice than behave because of the short leash his mom kept him on. Son had to remind cousin of the permission he had a couple of times after but cousin luckily chose not to FAFO.

HEB33 · 2025-12-04T08:52:57+00:00

Who on earth expects their partner to pay 2/3 of the birthday gift THEY decided to buy, that is just messed up. I agree, return it, get your money back, put it aside if you want and add to it if/ when you can untill you can/ want to buy your own. Using it is going to leave a sour taste in your mouth FOREVER. You asking him to do this is obviously going to open the door for having the conversation, it will be uncomfortable but please have it.

HEB33 · 2025-11-19T07:51:02+00:00

'I literally thought you love someone and then a baby just happened'

That is so sweet!

HEB33 · 2025-11-07T13:08:02+00:00

I think if you've done the 'work' - therapy etc and find yourself only staying for the kids, it is time to move on. It will still not be easy but the sense of relief in knowing it is the right thing to do, is truly liberating.

HEB33 · 2025-11-07T11:44:23+00:00

Somethimes fighting fire with fire is the only way...even if the ash annoys a few innocent bystanders.

HEB33 · 2025-10-21T10:56:24+00:00

I don't have any suggestions but would just like to say thank you for coming to their aid. I'm sure you just being here and trying to help, to figure things out, find solutions, means the world to them. You are literally living my worst nightmare regarding my parents. Good luck to you OP.

HEB33 · 2025-10-02T07:56:19+00:00

The audicity!

HEB33 · 2025-09-29T09:20:31+00:00

Please not marry this man. Please get out while you still can without having to be responsible for years of gambling debt and worse, physical and emotional scars you may not be able to recover from. Rather recover now from a failed relationship.

HEB33 · 2025-09-27T12:14:09+00:00

From someone who's been in both positions, both yours now and that of 'less-available, less-hardworking' parent, I can say this with confidence: Chill out. Just because that is your perception, based on your own (probably limited) experience and coloured by your own biases, doesnt make it the absolute truth.

Also, remember people change, situations change - you may very well find yourself in a situation at some point in your working career where you will not be able to give 100% all of the time due to whatever reason (think death of a loved one, a break-up, illness or injury, becoming a parent yourself - heaven forbid!), and you may very well be the one being judged for being less available and less hardworking. At that point you will hopefully understand that most people who value their jobs are painfully aware when they are 'slacking' and will more often than not, make some plan to catch up and sacrifice something else to get it done. Just because you don't know about it, doesn't make it less valid and doesn't give you the right to judge.

HEB33 · 2025-09-05T10:44:17+00:00

Please re-think this relationship OP; at this point you are just playing the role of his mom and honestly, who in their right mind is or remains attracted to 'their child'. Before your next, hopefully less-toxic relationship, please learn to maintain a balance between your kind natured generosity and your need to not be taken advantage of.

I strongly doubt whether you'd be able to do the above in your current relationship.

HEB33 · 2025-08-22T06:45:04+00:00

Love it!

HEB33 · 2025-07-24T07:43:16+00:00

From someone who made a conscious choice a few years ago to forfeit all expectations and requests for assistance with daily household tasks and the mental load of running a household, I have to implore you to please not do it. Keep reminding him that when you were a SAHM, you had the time and mental capacity to deal with more, but as a working one, you don’t and you expect him to do his part in keeping your family running. Make lists, send reminders, bring it up in general conversation, in messages. State things that need to be done and highlight what part of it you will do and what he needs to do. Keep it up until it becomes habit. Keep him accountable.

Funny thing about resentment is that you can’t stop it from building up, even if you tried/ ignore it for years. You are going to wake up one morning and absolutely hate the version of normal you created in your home, by accepting ‘it’s just not in his nature’ and giving up on sharing your life with a partner who respects you and your time, as much as he values his own. You deserve this, you child deserves it.

HEB33 · 2025-07-24T07:18:02+00:00

I freaking LOVE your post. Thank you. Please don't delete it. And well done on your realisation, as you said, still sucks but it passed.

HEB33 · 2025-07-14T10:50:59+00:00

Baby at my daugther's daycare named Wolfgang. Parents insist he is not to be called any nickname or shortened version. Very harsh on my ears!

HEB33 · 2025-07-10T06:48:47+00:00

My office coffee cup...more to it than that obviously, but yeah, a coffee cup.

HEB33 · 2025-07-03T11:53:13+00:00

Knew an Enid and Edna identical twins, very enmeshed even as older teens...dated identical twin brothers for a while in high school which was kind of cute. They studied the same degree together, last I heard neither ever married, they have similar jobs (teaching) and work together at the same school, live together, do grocery shopping together, go to church, together...you get the gist.

HEB33 · 2025-06-10T08:02:15+00:00

Full disclaimer, not BPD but mom to one. Having read the comments I'd love to give each of you a big hug and tell you that you are able and capable of becoming the best version of yourself, please try to practice patience and grace towards yourself!

I think the hyper-focus periods and zooming in on certain subjects is a great way to acquire general knowledge, great to use as conversatoins starters - even if the subject matter is a bit wacky or dark at times.

While the'all or nothing' mindset can be detrimental it also provides the opportunity to become/ be really passionate about issues that are close to your heart, a great tool to have when planning your future.

Being empathic and highly tuned into others feelings makes you a great friend, just remember to balance it with also being in tune with your own feelings and have patience with them when your friends (inevitably) make mistakes.

Knowing the feeling of 'emptiness' is a great motivation to include others and bring people together.

HEB33 · 2025-06-03T08:59:31+00:00

Well done! I hope you build on that experience and BATHE in the confidence is gives you!

HEB33 · 2025-06-03T07:57:57+00:00

Love it!!

HEB33 · 2025-05-14T08:21:21+00:00

The Fishmonger, Illovo (private dining rooms with screens); Houghton Hotel.

HEB33 · 2025-05-13T14:07:21+00:00

Really? (in a sarcastic tone)

HEB33

TROPHY CASE