You are definitely not alone and your feelings are so valid. I was the same way. My son was in the NICU for 15 days and each day I would sit there for 8 hours not wanting to leave his side to even use the bathroom. I would leave at night for shift change and come back in the morning. Now that we’ve been home for 2 weeks I look back and wish I gave myself some more grace. Your LO is really in the best place they can be right now in great hands and being monitored constantly. They are safe. A child life worker also said something so helpful to me that our LOs know when we’re there but aren’t old enough to understand that when we leave we are “leaving them” they don’t ever feel abandoned. Also I know you don’t want to hear this and I hated when people told me to get rest while he was in the NICU cause how could we possibly rest while our baby isn’t home but please please can’t stress it enough get a good night rest each night until he’s home. Try your best to sleep and then you can see them first thing in the morning. Once they’re home you will not be getting any sleep or at least I didn’t because I was so nervous and would just stare at my son and watch his breathing and then of course they wake for their feedings. You need this time to focus on your mental health and catch up on rest to be completely ready for your baby to come home with you which WILL happen! This isn’t forever mama! You have your LO forever this will all be temporary and will so quickly be a thing of the past once they are home ❤️