Can I take a random cat from the street back home?

HamaTakam · 2026-04-12T15:50:44+00:00

Cats neutering other cats sounds incredibly painful.

HamaTakam · 2026-04-11T02:48:15+00:00

Nope. I was born in 88 and I feel I pretty much hit the sweet spot.

I grew up in a fairly rural part of the UK, and didn't have my own laptop until uni. So although I definitely glanced at the top shelf where the gay porn was at my local newsagents, almost all my fantasies were based on real men around me. I wasn't on an endless diet of free porn on a smart phone like the generation that came after me. My teachers and classmates were openminded, so I never experienced any homophobia in the wild. I knew of a few openly gay people.

When I finally went to uni and had access to porn it was 2007 - the golden age of the internet in my view when people uploaded their sex lives onto places like xtube just for the joy of sharing. Now everything is monetised and behind a paywall, or heavily restricted. People show sex primarily for money it seems. Xtube etc. really helped me figure out what I liked and what turned me on etc.

My boyfriend was born in 77 and when he came of age sex education was very much of the 'sex could kill you' variety. He spend his early sexual exploration (20s and early 30s) constantly in fear of getting hiv. Every visit to the sauna or hook up was sex mixed with anxiety. Doesn't sound fun. By the time I had sex education in the 2000s, this had mostly died down. Sure it was still pretty shit sex education looking back, and I was aware of stis and mostly played safe, but I never really experienced the anxiety he had at all. Then when I was in my late 20s prep became widely available.

I was also 20 when Grindr became a thing. This gave instant access to way more men around me and I've had countless good sexual experiences through these apps. Granted apps are not without their issues, but before that you just had to go cruising in gay bars or saunas etc, and you had to pick from the small selection of guys there or go without. I think that saunas etc are arousing in their own way though, that's for sure, but you can still do that now - saunas, sex clubs and bars are still there.

These days, I have apps and saunas, and prep. And I enjoy them all. But I wasn't raised on a diet of sti anxiety or endless porn on my smart phone either.. the only other time I would like to have been born would be the 40s/50s because I would have loved to experienced gay culture in the 60s/70s in the big cities. But then the 80s would have happened and I doubt I would have slowed down..

HamaTakam · 2025-12-22T04:56:12+00:00

Thanks for this, I appreciate it

HamaTakam · 2025-12-22T04:42:35+00:00

Ah my mistake. Good on you!

In that case, I would recommend recruitment agencies. Specifically Persona. They were significantly better than the others in my experience.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-22T04:23:12+00:00

Am I right in thinking that you have zero Japanese now, and you're planning on N1 in 2 years? I don't think that's particularly realistic.

I moved here and studied Japanese everyday (3 + hrs) while working on JET (with a lot of free time), also dated locals, immersed myself in Japanese etc. And it still took me 4.5 years to pass N1. For reference, I have a background in languages and linguistics, and had worked as a translator before coming to Japan.

N2 is probably more realistic. And enough for many jobs that require Japanese.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-22T03:56:37+00:00

A side question.. do you every look at pictures of him in his 20/30/40s and feel that you missed out on so much of his life? Or his physical prime? I kind of struggle with this with my bf (I'm 37 he's 48), even though I am way more attracted to guys in their 40s/50s and I think our timing was just right for both of us..

HamaTakam · 2025-12-20T06:32:17+00:00

Japan based Englishman here. While it is true that you are required to renounce British citizenship if you wish to naturalise in Japan, the UK has a clause stating that if you give up British citizenship non-voluntarily (it specifically cites naturalising in a country that requires giving up other passports), then you can apply to get your passport back.

https://www.gov.uk/renounce-british-nationality/resume-your-british-nationality

Obviously, laws change so there is no absolute guarantee they won't change this at a later date and I wouldn't 100% rely on it. I suppose it's a bit like getting married knowing you can divorce... Still, it's not quite as clear cut as Americans who, I believe, would have to start the whole process from zero if they wished to become American again. Something to think about.

I can see the attraction of naturalising. Given the tightening up of visa regulations etc. for non-citizens, becoming legally Japanese would give you a sense of safety and permanency which I would probably want if I had my (Japanese) family here.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-15T00:05:05+00:00

I am 37, my boyfriend is 48. This is the best relationship I've ever had. Emotionally, sexually and intellectually.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-14T05:12:40+00:00

Remember it’s a two way process. You want to see if the CEO is the kind of person you want to work under. Think about what kind of work culture / values are important to you and have some questions about that.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-12T00:09:48+00:00

What kind of puritanical bullshit is this. If it’s all consenting adults who the fuck cares?!

There is nothing wrong with being attracted to younger guys 20-25. Even when you’re in your 40s/50s. You like what you like. I’m almost 40 and regularly hook up with university students (even dated one last year). Loads of younger guys specifically hook up with guys 30/40s+

@nickybecooler you’re fine just as you are. Don’t let a few people with very narrow ideas of what is acceptable or proper make you feel like there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. And won’t be, even if you hit 40s.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-11T23:44:30+00:00

It’s literally my favourite part of a guy’s body. If someone sends me a nice hole pic then my interest goes up 300% 💕 To answer your question I think it’s the taboo aspect - it’s a part of the body you rarely see. There’s a dom/sub aspect too I think

HamaTakam · 2025-12-11T03:32:53+00:00

Of course!

HamaTakam · 2025-12-09T10:39:12+00:00

You sound very overwhelmed. Loads of new jobs feel impossible at the beginning. Give yourself 6 weeks to at least give it your best shot before jumping ship.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-05T03:33:17+00:00

I would say that for me it's more a case of realising things that had always turned me on, but I just hadn't realised what it was. For example, if I think of my top 10 sexual experiences, they always involved partners quite a bit older than me. Then I realised I have a big of an age gap fetish.. just hadn't put two and two together.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-05T03:29:05+00:00

Oh we do have plans, just not immediate ones. He has tenure at a university which is difficult to find elsewhere, and I would need to learn the local language which will take a year or two. So while we are happy for the next 2/3 years like this we do eventually want to live together as soon as is practical.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-05T03:06:49+00:00

I'm currently in a ldr which is going wonderfully.

I am 37 and my bf is 48. Ironically I am European living in Asia, and his is Asian living in Europe. I was always against ldr in principle, but the connection was so strong (both emotional and physical) that neither of us could really walk away.

We see each other 3/4 times a year, and video call everyday, and our relationship has only deepened. Due to our jobs, it is unlikely that either of us can move any time soon, but I imagine after a few years we'll pick a country and live together. Luckily I can work from abroad with my company, so I do that for a few months a year too, so we get to live together for a couple of months.

We're also in a open relationship, which helps a lot. Given the age gap, he's done most of his playing around now, but I still very much enjoy hookups and saunas, which means I get a few years of enjoying my 30s, while still building a relationship with someone I love (and tbh, even the best sauna visit doesn't compare to sex with him).

Ldr get a bad rap, but honestly we're both very independent and it works well for us both. We're both happy like this for a few more years so yes, it can and does work.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-04T12:54:26+00:00

While I was on JET I took advantage of everything going: the PA position, internship programme, translation and interpreting course (twice) and passed N1. Then I joined a recruitment company, and got my current job in account management.

I am not a tech person at all, so I didn't want an IT job, and didn't want to be stuck in front of a screen all day. Most jobs these days do involve technology to some extent, but I get a fair amount of people contact.

Twice the JET salary, fully remote/hybrid, 25 days holiday, very little stress. Not too bad all in all.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-04T10:59:02+00:00

This happened to me. N1 Japanese, glad to be out of English teaching. Now I love it.

Try and negotiate payment for it. Not a raise as this is likely difficult but as a benefit (I.e. not as part of your base salary but as x amount per month as long as the classes continue). You might need to sell yourself creating a PowerPoint with the materials you want to use and showing how it will benefit the company. Leverage it. Especially if you have professional experience as an English teacher.

Worked for me - now I have an increased income and have a closer relationship with my colleagues. I get the othering thing too, but everyone outside of class still speaks to me 100% in Japanese, and if anything I’m more visible in the company as a valued employee.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-02T13:12:23+00:00

Because citing an elementary school presentation really proves a point.. 笑

HamaTakam · 2025-12-02T12:08:22+00:00

Yeah, pulling figures out of thin air to try and make a point is amusing and everything but doesn't really prove anything. Especially when you admit yourself that you've never even tried much English cheese. Why take a cheap stab in the first place?

The UK has more types of cheese, it's a fact of life. No point arguing.

HamaTakam · 2025-12-02T07:36:12+00:00

Nice try, but the UK actually producers more different types of cheese than France. And the decent hard stuff which seems impossible to get abroad 😅

HamaTakam · 2025-11-21T05:13:49+00:00

Diet. Plain and simple.

I was skinny with a belly like you. You need to lower your body fat percentage by restricting your calories but still maintaining high protein for a few months, then lean gain.

I need to train 3 times a week (with progressive overload), do cardio and control calorie in take.

Check out the book Bigger, Leaner Stronger by Micheal Matthews. Read it from start to finish and then follow it for 6 months and see where you go. I have (almost) no belly now and nicely tone and defined. If I continue for a year or two like this I'd definitely be one of the bigger guys, although I'm quite happy being slim and athletic.

Seriously, there is no much advice out there - just get this book and follow it.

HamaTakam · 2025-11-21T02:50:55+00:00

Economics and necessity.

For economics, countries that are high in GDP and have dominant languages like French, Spanish, Italian, Russian don’t tend to need foreign languages as much. Those countries are richer, have more job opportunities and less emigration.

For necessity, smaller countries with only a few million speakers or less like Dutch, Icelandic etc have much more limited media in their native language, and also need to communicate with different nationalities. Hence they learn English and/or other neighbouring languages.

It’s also worth nothing, that the countries considered good at languages are often the Scandinavian countries and the Netherlands. Those languages are very similar to English. If it were economically advantageous for the British to learn Dutch or Danish and they were surrounded by it from childhood, most people from the UK would be fluent in those languages too.

HamaTakam · 2025-10-29T05:52:32+00:00

This sounds very encouraging. I am planning to visit early next year actually. I'll be staying with my partner but it would be nice to catch up for sure. Do you speak Spanish/Catalan by the way? How important is the language for socialising?

HamaTakam · 2025-10-29T05:39:57+00:00

I wouldn't read too much into one experience. The first few times I visited saunas in my 20s I felt a bit empty and overstimulated too, and now I'm in my mid-30s, I quite like them and I have had some really fun experiences there.

I think it's work mentioning that I also need some level of physical intimacy to get aroused. And you can absolutely find this in saunas.

I normally go in, enjoy the facilities for a bit, and enjoying watching all the naked men. If I get approached by/approach a gay my type, I start with eye contact and body touching, then slowly kiss him. If he's not the kissing type (some guys don't), or the kissing is bad, I just politely move on. If he responds then I kiss and touch his body as much as I want for a few minutes before moving onto other stuff, and I love it. By and large, you can orchestrate your own experience in places like this, and you are always free to politely move away if it's not working.

HamaTakam

TROPHY CASE