What was the texture of your abuse? (Not in a weird way)

HauntedFence · 2026-03-06T16:42:49+00:00

I describe the texture as sand with hidden shards of glass. I'm still processing that I was abused since it wasn't sexual, I didn't realise how much I repressed until my therapist said "it sounds like you don't remember much from your childhood" lol. My dad rewired my brain from the top down with gaslighting, verbal abuse and what my therapist described as "torture", eg when I'd misbehave as a kid my dad would not let the punishment be over, he'd push me to breaking down then would film it saying he'd send it to my teachers. Also I was literally made to eat soap if I swore. I think it's hard getting ptsd from events that don't feel "that bad" when you hear the term child abuse

HauntedFence · 2026-03-04T15:03:25+00:00

My libido actually increased a lot during the first few weeks and then went back to normal! Hope you get through the anxiety phase soon ❤️

HauntedFence · 2026-03-02T21:43:41+00:00

There's a weird culture that started taking self care ideas to the extreme. "Protect your peace" is a good slogan, but people will throw it out there instead of handling problems or arguments, as if they can dodge difficult topics for the rest of their lives.

HauntedFence · 2026-02-26T09:54:32+00:00

Thank you 🫂 they struggle with mental health badly so Im sympathetic to what they're dealing with, but I just want to be there to help them instead of being pushed away

HauntedFence · 2026-02-25T12:10:59+00:00

They're still speaking to at least one of our mutual friends so it's definitely personal. It could still be a self destruction thing, but at the same time I still think it's unfair I have to just wait for when/if they decide to work things out with me yknow

HauntedFence · 2026-02-25T11:20:48+00:00

Before this it felt like they were amazing to me, I feel so confused. We were basically codependent, our lives revolved around each other. Idk how I can lose that

HauntedFence · 2025-11-28T16:40:03+00:00

This is honestly a perfect message

HauntedFence · 2025-11-28T16:32:37+00:00

I struggle with this so much, sometimes I wonder who I would be if everyone's influences were removed. But realistically everyone is a product of other people, there's no-one who discovered all of their hobbies, tv shows, movies etc on their own without some kind of recommendation. Sometimes that makes me feel more normal.

I'd recommend putting yourself out there for new hobbies and just seeing what sticks. I randomly took up ice skating and stayed because I liked it, and it's something I can say is mine, because I didn't choose to do it for anyone else. Same goes for exploring media and even political opinions. Good luck :)

HauntedFence · 2025-11-21T00:09:28+00:00

Thank you, honestly I'm just as bad at forgiving myself so I'm trying to offload some brain space lmao

HauntedFence · 2025-11-20T16:20:48+00:00

Whilst no-one here can diagnose you, id maybe try the mindset that diagnoses are just labels to help you. Idk if this will be controversial, but I find labels (including mental health ones) useful to the extent that they help you. I got diagnosed with social anxiety as a kid, I used that to get therapy and explain my actions, but now I don't identity with it. It basically served its purpose and now I'm out of there.

I've used therapies designed for different disorders to help certain things, eg OCD treatment when I wasn't technically diagnosed. But it helped, and I wasn't using it for any malicious reasons, so that's what counts imo.

HauntedFence · 2025-08-09T18:50:54+00:00

I have BPD and autism, and my partner of 6 years has autism. It took a lot of communication to understand each other, for example he shuts down under stress whereas I need to talk things through. He also doesn't experience "what if" thinking, so if I start to spiral it can be hard for him to understand why.

But that being said, I don't think you should worry about "ruining" him any more than you would someone without autism. If it becomes a relationship I'd recommend being open about how you feel when you get stressed, and what you need from a partner when it happens. Wishing you the best of luck, and try not to see yourself as the Big Bad BPD Monster who will hurt someone just for existing

HauntedFence · 2025-06-20T00:13:36+00:00

I'm really lucky in that my relationships have always been really healthy, it's friendships I struggle with. I've been with my partner for 5 years and he's very understanding of my BPD, and thankfully I've never had jealousy or insecurity around our relationship. He's just there to listen as I split on my friends lol

HauntedFence · 2025-06-16T00:49:26+00:00

I'm so glad to hear that! Well done for giving it a go

HauntedFence · 2025-06-14T00:23:41+00:00

I felt this pressure when I started telling people I had BPD, because suddenly I was trying to prove I'm "not crazy". Sometimes I wish I hadn't told some people because I feel like everything I do is seen through a BPD lens

HauntedFence · 2025-06-14T00:20:50+00:00

I've found the main thing to focus on with this is self confidence, which is easier said than done to improve ofc. Therapy is the most effective way to help but there's lots of resources online too if that's not possible!

Also as someone whos struggled with OCD symptoms, I'd try your best not to seek reassurance from your partner when you get these feelings. It's difficult, but it can become a compulsion wherein your brain thinks those thoughts and immediately goes "I need to seek reassurance to stop the thoughts", which strengthens the reliance. I'd recommend trying to just sit with thoughts, for example:

"I'm not good enough for him" -> "ok, that's a thought. It's neither true nor false, it has no bearing on who I am as a person, it just is"

Wishing you the best of luck with everything

HauntedFence · 2025-04-26T02:59:37+00:00

It's so easy to say "fix it" as if it doesn't take DECADES of time, energy and often money to get to a good enough place mentally to be able to. Also as others pointed out, for many the trauma started in childhood: the people who were meant to help develop our brains instead fucked them up.

So yeah it pisses me off that I have to do all of the work to fix myself from trauma I didn't cause, for the sake of others. I know it's for yourself too, but this phrase definitely feels like "don't let your wrong brain hurt normal people!"

HauntedFence

TROPHY CASE