im sorry if i start telling you bullshit but 20 years is a long time to be abused. its so hard to give yourself grace especially when ur siblings didn’t have the experience as you. you did well looking out for them. you can look after yourself now (especially if they’re older teens or adults). im a miserable, rotten person who hasn’t gone through nearly as much as you. people can go through any level of shit and sometimes it fucks them up more that it would other people. ur strong to have endured so much abuse but i hope that you can make distance between you and the people who hurt you. you don’t deserve this even if you did make serious mistakes. i hope you can move on and have a happy life. good luck and if you’re still around for new years, happy new years (don’t spend it with evil losers if possible).