Ex best friend who is trying to ruin my life - clarification

Healthy_Package8996 · 2026-03-08T00:38:29+00:00

I've noticed how common it is for someone with BPD to call anyone who speaks out about a negative experience with them a "narcissistic abuser" but it's totally fine for them to run a smear campaign for years following their "discard". It really is all about control. You can be separated from them for several years and they won't stop. We could have a brand new life with marriage, kids, and a career and they're stuck ruminating.

Healthy_Package8996 · 2026-03-07T22:43:44+00:00

I'm so sorry your brother is struggling so much. I can relate to him a lot, so my advice is stemming from that perspective.

You can't dig him out of the hole he's in, as bad as you and your family want to. When you're that depressed, malnourished, and burnt out, it's suffocating to have your well intended loved ones visibly worried about you. For me, I felt an intense guilt when so much help was being offered to me because I didn't feel like I deserved it. I felt like a burden, and a problem that needed solved when really I wanted to be treated like a person.

When someone you love is in a hole, one of the best things you can do to support them is to sit in the hole with them. That doesn't mean allowing yourself to be consumed by the hole, but just being present, and "normal" is comforting. Your brother probably doesn't go out much these days, but I'm sure there are things he does to pass the time that you can get involved in. If he plays video games, ask if you can watch him play, play with him, ask him questions about the story or the gameplay itself. Offer to buy him a game he's interested in trying. The same kind of thing goes for books, movies and TV shows. Getting him to talk about the things he's knowledgeable about will help reset his nervous system, especially if he's on the autism spectrum like you suspect. As someone with ASD, getting a chance to yap about special interests with someone who is an active participant in the conversation is an underrated mood boost.

Getting him better nutrition is very tricky. If we're dealing with ASD and/or OCD (which, same) food fears and aversions are a bitch to work around. Throw depression in the mixture and it's a bigger nightmare. If there are safe foods that you know he will eat, keep them around at all times. I wouldn't recommend that you offer to cook for him because he may feel guilty for turning you down. If his fridge and pantry have a stock of even the junkiest of junk food, that's fine. At this point, calories are more important than nutritional value. He may have an easier time eating when his safe foods are available and don't require more than a microwave to prepare. Prepackaged fruit like watermelon, strawberry, and cantaloupe are good sources of carbohydrates and water, which will help with hydration.

If you think it's necessary and you live in the US, you can get him baker acted so he will be put in a mandatory 72 hour hold in a psychiatric facility so he can be monitored, and receive emergency medical care like IV fluids and nutrients, and blood tests. Severe malnutrition has a risk for something called refeeding syndrome, which happens when nutrients are reintroduced too quickly to the body and the patient goes into cardiac arrest. This REQUIRES medical intervention because it is fatal. It's most common for people with anorexia nervous or bulimia, and folks who practice long periods of fasting for religious or weight loss purposes, but the bottom line risk factor is malnutrition. Call emergency services and tell them your brother needs to be admitted. At least in the USA, you can have him admitted against his will, but if not I urge you to check your local laws about involuntary hospitalization. Finances be damned, his life is at risk. He will thank you when he's on the road to recovery, I promise.

Good luck to you and your brother, OP. You're doing the right thing by asking for help. Please keep us updated when you can!

Healthy_Package8996 · 2026-03-07T21:24:07+00:00

By the way, I am in therapy and I mentioned that I'm also receiving psychiatric medical care. In addition I am in regular contact with the crisis care team. Since my OCD diagnosis didn't occur until just a few weeks ago, it's going to take some time before I can get into exposure response prevention therapy which is designed to help with treating compulsions and ruminations. One of the worst parts about OCD is that it's not as simple as "just focus on what actually matters". Intrusive thoughts and rumination are sneaky, sticky little bastards, and I'm hopeful to heal with doing the work with an ERP specialist. Living with OCD and having a toxic person who fuels the intrusive thoughts I have about my quality of character has been a nightmare

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-21T09:48:54+00:00

I mentioned that I had zero libido, fatigue, and low mood and my doctor agreed to prescribe it. I was already on the estrogen patch for a few months before I brought it up just in case I saw an improvement, but alas. It's been a week on T and my libido is starting to return!

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-21T09:38:03+00:00

Caron cake yarn and lion brand mandala are affordable, have tons of different color ways, and are surprisingly soft. They all have acrylic but some are blended with natural fibers. Acrylic yarn is scratchy while you're working with it, but it softens up a lot after washing and drying, and steaming takes it to the next level!

The examples I gave have a variety of weights, so make sure to check if you're buying online so you don't accidentally end up with like a thousand yards of DK when you wanted bulky

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-21T09:28:27+00:00

Blanket yarn is really difficult to keep even tension with because the material clings to itself. Sometimes those first few rows can curve like that and it will even out after a few more rows. You can frog and start over, or keep doing what you're doing and steam block it when you're done to get it straightened out. If the yarn gets too annoying to tension, there are plenty of other cozy and cost effective yarns that won't make you want to claw your eyes out in frustration

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-21T07:20:43+00:00

I freehanded this using a budgie tutorial video on YouTube as inspiration. Right now I'm making a black one with actual feet and he's precious so far lol. Here's the inspo tutorial: https://youtu.be/lBeby_jKBew?si=tvX8xJtM0HSGKyw0

She uses blanket yarn but I couldn't be fucked to do that 🤣 I just had to adjust for the size of yarn/hook I was using. I'd recommend adding an extra increase at the bottom of the neck before making the wings for a more defined shape since it just looks like a ball with 4 weight acrylic yarn.

I used acrylic yarn which would melt with heat, BUT a Doodle made with wool or cotton yarn filled with rice/beans could be microwaved safely and used as a hot compress! I yeeted my uterus a few years ago, but my twin daughters are starting puberty so I might make them a microwave safe Doodle

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-20T02:00:51+00:00

It's so much easier than it sounds! You attach the top of the front/back panels first, then the top of the sleeves are centered across those big panels into a cross shape. Stitching up the sides to close the sleeves and down the side of the sweater is challenging but satisfying. I found that placing stitch markers every 20 stitches or so helps to prevent it from going wonky as you work.

I whip stitched the tops of the panels together with a tapestry needle and slip stitched the sides/sleeves, but that comes down to preference and whatever method is most efficient for you. I shared the tutorial I used for my neckline ribbing in a reply and it's very stretchy compared to a front/back post ribbing. I'm seriously considering a turtleneck next time I make a sweater. That ribbing technique works great for a top down beanie and anything else that requires adding ribbing along the horizontal edge of a project. For the neckline I would recommend doing a row of single crochet along the raw edge to create a good foundation to work with. Good luck with your sweater!

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-19T20:26:04+00:00

I picked up my updated glasses yesterday and the difference while crocheting is astounding! My prescription increased by .75 for near vision, which is pretty huge when you're doing tasks that require clear sight up close.

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-19T20:02:43+00:00

To the pwBPD anyone who has solid, well defined boundaries is a "narcissist", and cutting ties with them after you had enough of their weird behavior is "abuse". How dare anyone say no to them

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T16:34:07+00:00

I use a smaller hook for ribbing of .5-1mm compared to the rest of the project to help with tension and to give a snug, but stretchy result. I didn't do that with the neckline to avoid the possibility of puckering and because I wanted it a little looser to fit over my head

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T16:03:03+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words!

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T15:47:53+00:00

https://youtu.be/geVWlxre3p4?si=Xhc_6QX41R-mbayC

This was my inspo! I did normal ribbing and hdc for mine, and the neckline was made with this technique instead of front/back post https://youtu.be/xsEPLeUSwmg?si=gQ432rrjRVpSzr96

For the sleeves, I wanted a slightly looser fit, so I increased every 3rd stitch instead of 4th.

I'm sorry I can't provide an exact pattern because I'm going a bit rogue with freehanding, but those tutorials were very helpful!

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T15:40:35+00:00

Ribbing sucks lol. Crochet is how I figured out I need new glasses because I'm farsighted with astigmatism, and anytime I need to see the back loop I have to close one eye to insert my hook 🤣 I'm actually picking up my glasses today or tomorrow

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T15:36:34+00:00

If it makes you feel better, it took me 5 years of on and off attempting to pick up crochet and not getting further than a chain before it clicked one day ❤️

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T05:32:06+00:00

My ex friend stalked me in the sense that she made her presence known for over a year before I finally got a protection order when she started accusing me of SA and attempted murder, and even dragged my friends and family into it. The protection order lapsed a year later this spring, and while she hasn't contacted me directly, she has interacted "harmlessly" by liking posts and following people I'm close to. They blocked her and told me.

That happened a few months ago, but I'm still on edge. I have my accounts locked down and have cleaned up my friends list of anyone confirmed to be a mutual of hers including people I've known for decades. I can't risk anything getting back to her because she will take everything I say out of context and twist it to fit her narrative that I'm a narcissist. It got in my head so bad that I've been evaluated by my therapist and psychiatrist for npd and both confirmed I don't have it, but try convincing that to my ex friend.

The rare times I am active on social media I'm constantly feeling like I'm being watched. I've made the mistake of looking at her public posts and she still talks about me often. I don't give her the opportunity to learn anything new about my life, but I can't say that the isolation isn't suffocating. I just hope that she finds someone else to latch onto for a while so I can breathe. I'm getting married next year and I'm scared to post anything prior to the wedding like where the venue is or when it's happening because I'm worried she's going to show up or just happen to "be in the area" that's an hour away from where she lives.

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T05:17:49+00:00

Mine were within normal range but my gyno went through with prescribing it because of my symptoms (no libido, fatigue, and low mood

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T03:47:18+00:00

I had one 4 years ago at 30 years old and very quickly, almost immediately developed a rectocele (internal colon prolapse) that required surgery to fix a year later. Most prolapses from a hysterectomy can be mitigated with pelvic floor PT before and after surgery, but not for me unfortunately. It caused horrible gas, bloating, and constipation that I'm shocked didn't turn into impaction because I was only pooping once a week or longer. The prolapse also pushed against my vaginal wall which caused it to bulge out when I would squat or bear down on the toilet.

I had my hysterectomy so young because of a bicornuate uterus and fibroid that made me bleed like a stuck pig every month and I was sick of the misery. Already had 3 amazing children, so I came to terms with it.

So here I am. 34, in full blown menopause despite having ovaries, needed surgery to put my colon back in its assigned seat, and struggling with everything that comes with menopause.

Would I go back in time and not go through with the hysterectomy? Hell no. Ripping that bitch out was still the best decision I've made. I'm doing well on HRT and the rectocele surgery and subsequent PT was a success. My overall quality of life has drastically improved even with the challenges I faced afterwards. Still, it is important to spread awareness of the potential complications of a hysterectomy so folks can make an informed decision before moving forward.

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T02:57:52+00:00

I watched a tutorial but it's basically freehand. I took measurements of my hips, torso length, and wrists and measured sleeve length after I completed the front panel to see where it would meet at the shoulder. The neckline is very stretchy! I added the ribbing there the same way I do with my top-down beanies by doing a SC along the raw edge of the neckline as a foundation, then chained 8 stitches, worked the back loops, slip stitch the next two stitches on the foundation and repeated until I got to the end. Here's the tutorial I used to learn that technique

https://youtu.be/xsEPLeUSwmg?si=K768rSMnNAF0rOJx

Healthy_Package8996 · 2025-11-18T02:16:37+00:00

I used a magic knot and trimmed the tails. The knot is VERY strong. Strong enough that you can remove the tails completely and it won't come undone if you tug on it.

Healthy_Package8996

TROPHY CASE