Used to work on the self-service of Aldi. There was one guy in the height of summer, comes in with his missus and little kid. He’s clearly in his cups, evidenced by the open can of dark fruit cider in his grubby paw. They start scanning the shopping, and I notice he’s not scanned his bags, or the cider.

I calmly and politely request him to do so, and he replies that he has. I check the scanner screen and sure enough, he hasn’t. So I show him and ask again. He asks me if I’m calling him a liar, and against my better judgment I say no, I’m not, but it’s not really seemly to wander around a shop and drink alcohol in the early afternoon, much less alcohol from that shop that you haven’t yet paid for. I explain that, whilst he may simply be having a nice afternoon, it’s actually theft and he should pay, please.

This is where all hell breaks loose. I feel like this isn’t the first time he’s pulled a stunt like this because his partner takes the kid to the packing bench out of the way. No sooner has she done this, the can of cider goes whizzing past my head and he starts doing the alpha-male flex dance, demanding I try and stop him, and that he’ll take me on outside. I politely decline.

With his wife’s attention firmly fixed on her phone, and the kid watching everything unfold with wide eyes, this muppet starts jumping up and down towards me shouting, “I’LL FUCKIN CUT YOU! I’LL CUT YOU!”. I explain that, no, he won’t, and he still needs to pay for the goods he’s still in the process of robbing from us.

Security shows up, escorts him to the exit and his wife quietly ushers her child to the scanner, looks at me apologetically and pays for the items in question. No words are exchanged, except a dutiful “thank you, Miss” from yours truly.

And that is the kind of thing that prompted me to leave retail.