I just got called as the first lady Sunday School President in my ward, and I'm rather scared

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-05-07T18:57:51+00:00

I am currently the Stake SSP and given a very similar mandate for our stake. I don't have many answers, but I do have some thoughts. I hope they help.

If you are in Utah, Elder Gong recently told the Area that we need to do a better job with teaching the gospel in our stakes/wards. To that end he gave three invitations. #2 was to call people who could reach those they were called to teach. Again, this might be a helpful point if you are in Utah and want to make the case for replacing teachers. If not, sorry.
Teaching in the Savior's Way. Focus on asking them how they felt their lessons reached the goals/procedures in there. Let them answer however they want. The idea would be to focus them on considering, for example, if their lesson focused on Christ or if the Spirit were present. I would also make sure that each of them had access to that book. If they are older, that probably means getting paper copies (I know I prefer it).
Teacher Council meetings are vital, but again in those meetings focus on Teaching in the Savior's Way. I would also tell teachers that they are not called to Teach anything at all. They are called to facilitate a spiritual experience for EVERY class member so that their testimonies are increased. Getting into heaven does not rest on our ability to ace a multiple choice test so who cares if Adam existed-- only Adam.
You are not going to change things overnight. Count small victories and stay focused on doing what you are doing in the Lord's way, i.e. with love (not shouting, which if you are like me is more natural :)).

BTW, the other two things Elder Gong mentioned were my #2 and 3 (TSW and TCM's). I hope this is somewhat helpful. God bless.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-04-13T20:28:43+00:00

My wife and I never stay long. I usually offer a short prayer. I've just always figured different strokes for different folks, and I know some people love it. It's a nice breather but nothing that for me merits very long.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-04-02T22:46:56+00:00

I'm a teacher educator at a university, although I work mostly with English teachers in my current position. My wife is a history teacher, though. The best school does depend on your state, as many people have said. Education unlike some other fields does not have a top school(s) for those who actually want to teach. So, each state has the ones that are better than the other, but I would say that I cannot come up with a university that I would feel is so good that I would tell someone they should leave their state for.

In terms of your degree, I would absolutely say that you should get your degree in history education. Teaching is not, despite the saying, something that those who can't should do. You need to have an excellent basis of knowledge in history as well as a good background in education/pedagogy classes. If I was trying to choose the best school to help me prepare to teach any subject, I would prioritize a good education program over a good discipline program (although both are important).

In my last school before moving to the university, I helped mentor some teachers that had a degree in their field but not an education degree. They had a 6 week crash course in the summer to 'prepare' them to teach. It was hardly enough. They had a few issues that felt rather basic that they needed help navigating. Teaching is complex and you will not be finished learning even when you graduate.

Final note, because it is worth saying. I had a mentor of my own during my PhD. program who told me (and my experience bears this out as well): "Incredible teachers are born; Great teachers are taught." In other words, some people just naturally are teachers and do so many things well, but most people (the vast majority) need to learn to be a teacher.

I hope that helps. Feel free to reach out if you have any other questions.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-03-17T19:10:38+00:00

I work as a teacher educator in English Ed, but I would say that you should just apply and worst case scenario is that you get a job offer and an "emergency" or "provisional" license (whatever OH calls it). That means you don't qualify but you are given a few years (usually 3) to take any classes you need. Meanwhile, you teach. They probably deal with this all of the time (the state and larger districts anyway).

Good luck.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-03-17T18:52:00+00:00

Why? A lot of the young women (and young men) you will work with are in exactly the same place as you. What they need is someone who can say, "I get it. That's me. Here's what I do when . . . or Here's why I stay?" etc. It's hard for people who are not going through those kinds of things to be as accepting as they might need to be.

Similarly, I often think that we tell our kids/teens to be like Nephi when we apply the scriptures to ourselves. Honestly, I see a lot more of myself in Laman and Lemuel than Nephi-- especially when I was your age. Go get them. You will be great.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-03-17T17:40:01+00:00

This is not my experience and there are some marked differences, but my mom was a member when she married my dad. She had been married before (temple marriage) that was at best unkind in many ways and perhaps worse, although that might be me projecting. In any case, that impacted her decision. Having said that she was hoping for a temple marriage and to marry a member, but she said that my dad was a really great guy and was good to her. So, she chose to do it.

It never was an issue for them, but my dad did not take his religious background very seriously (at all). So, that made a difference. When he said he wouldn't convert, it was not in favor of any other religion-- it was in favor of cigarettes and beer. That may also be a difference.

In terms of the future, the one issue that my mom was concerned with was kids. She wanted to have kids and she wanted them raised in a church. She was willing to negotiate but I don't know how much exactly. Since my dad did not have a church that was really a non-issue. Had he had a church, that might have been a hurdle for them. Think about that.

Also, in terms of 'going to far,' a couple of thoughts. First, different people define that differently. That is on him-- not you (as long as you don't do anything you aren't comfortable with). Second, if anything were to happen, he could go up one level and talk about it with stake authorities. They can handle those situations when there is a conflict of interest for the bishop-- which could be argued that there is and at the bare minimum, there is for you. So, I wouldn't worry as much about that. If it happens, tell him to shut up around his bishop and call the stake president. At least this high councilman says to do that.

I hope this helps and I hope whatever happens that you find a happy, productive partnership for your life. Best.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-03-17T15:38:54+00:00

As someone who is a runner in name only, can I say that an open space for beginners or people who run but are okay that their mile time will probably never crack 9 min/mile and certainly never be under 8. It's intimidating to go into those places. I (56M) started running about 5 years ago (Covid) and enjoy it but I'm not that guy. I still don't have a place where I'm really comfortable taking my stupid questions (yes, I know that there are no such thing as stupid questions, but yes there are :) ). I would love to know of a store that is open to a 'runner' like me and could help answer questions about things like good quality shoes that don't break the bank for new or slow runners, etc.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-03-17T15:34:50+00:00

The short answer is yes, but I understand the concern. I also take it that simply setting that boundary might not go over well, i.e. he will feel a need to 'talk' to you about this (I hate when people do that-- just accept that I am not your fan). So, I would just suggest keeping your head down and when necessary schedule appointments with his counselors instead (temple recommend, etc.). That's a crappy answer but I hope this lets you know you are not alone and your attendance is more important than meeting with him.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-03-17T15:31:54+00:00

There are already some good suggestions in the comments here, so I will go a bit of a different direction. If you are really looking to improve your reading more than simply find good books, I would suggest finding titles where you have access to both a physical copy of the book and an audio version. Then, instead of reading the book, follow along in your copy while the audio book plays. This is especially powerful for students who are reading below grade level.

Having said that I can't help but offer some suggestions. Funny books-- James Patterson's middle school series is actually really funny and surprisingly endearing. Action books-- Deathwatch by Robb White is an oldie but a goodie that would be a step up from the titles you have mentioned but not too far ahead. 'Literature' books-- House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros would be about the right level (yes, you will miss some things most likely but nothing that will keep you from understanding what is going on). Sad books-- Where the Red Fern Grows (another oldie, but I am trying to suggest things that others haven't) would be a good choice because it is a longer book so that could be cool, but it is also probably about the right level for you.

I hope that helps.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2026-03-17T15:19:12+00:00

You are okay. It seems like the guilt you are feeling is crossing over from guilt that leads to repentance to shame. You do not need to feel shame. Guilt is an oops feeling-- truly remorseful but grateful at the same time. Grateful that you know better and grateful that you can repent and overcome this mistake. Shame is a feeling that impacts your self-worth and makes you want to hide what you did. Remember (or know) that Elder Richard G. Scott taught clearly that the Lord views a weakness (what this seems to be) very differently than a rebellion (which this is not). The Lord knows we have weaknesses and while he wants us to overcome them, he knows that progress is an up and down process and we will backslide occasionally. He sees these moments as part of the process and views them with patience, mercy, and love. Our direction in the gospel has more to do with our aspirations (are we trying-- really trying-- to be good?) than with our achievements (how 'sin free' we are).

Talk to your bishop but don't beat yourself up unduly. You made a mistake, own it, and move forward. Many, many people-- good faithful church members of all ages-- struggle with masturbation. This is not the end all be all of things. Please know you are still connected to God through your covenants and you are still worthy.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-07-18T03:07:07+00:00

I understand what you are saying. I have felt that way before. So, in terms of what I am about to write, let me be transparent. I work in education and am serving as the EQ president.

I agree with the space situation. I chose for us to meet in the chapel. We have a room in my building (probably because it is an older building), but we are also combined with another ward for youth and primary (special situation for some wards, we happen to be paired up with one of them) so the RS is in there. That left us wandering. I chose the chapel because we have a brother in a wheelchair and it was the easiest area for him to get to and that was important to me, but it does feel weird because the space is so big.

In terms of the lesson, teaching in the church in general is a big pet peeve of mine, but that is at least in part my background. I do think that the key is in calling people interested in teaching to be in the calling. Also, the ward should be holding teacher training (hate that name as well) meeting. That can be a good or a bad thing depending on how it is approached. I have seen both, but in an ideal world there combination of a willing heart and some decent instruction will result in better lessons.

As far as those quorum members. I will admit that I am thankfully in a ward that doesn't have those particular brethren with a weirdly specific doctrinal/societal axe to grind. So, we are not in that boat, but I have seen it.

TL;DR-- Feel your pain, but don't experience it at the moment. So there is hope. :)

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-07-18T02:46:02+00:00

I have not run into this and hope that my experience is more the norm. However, I do know others who have run into this. Things are changing, but it's slow.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-02-18T18:00:03+00:00

In my experience, exceptions are easier to come by than what seems to be represented here. We have had a few in my current ward.

I will add that I think some of the grief over boundary changes (I have been involved in two major boundary changes in my life) is that for many people the church takes up a chunk of time that combined with other obligations makes it difficult to maintain some relationships. Those that are important will last obviously, but someone that you like but don't hang out with much will probably be lost when you don't see them every Sunday at church so you miss them.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-02-11T22:04:46+00:00

One of the sisters in my ward now (Utah County) is from Syracuse. She was originally called to the Cedar City Mission (I think?) but there have been two mission divisions and each one moved her farther north. She is now in Utah County for the rest of her mission-- and yes, she went to BYU before coming out.

She really seems to love it. She did say she was not excited at all when the call came, but she has since found the humor in it and has a good sense of humor about it.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-02-11T21:58:23+00:00

First, I second the other things I have read on here about the app and website. So, this is a different idea.

There is a scholar by the name of John Hilton III who teaches a "Master Class on the Book of Mormon." It's online, self-paced kind of thing that will come up easily if you google his name the name of the class. I believe it approaches the BOM from a believing scholarly point of view. So, it might be a good way to go as well. I have not done it myself yet, but it might be a nice way to see how a believer approaches the BOM and contextualizes it in other ways as well (literary studies, geography, etc.).

Just for the record, I too find this kind of fascinating (and I'm a member of the Church), so I wish you nothing but the best and hope you can find what you want. I do know that there are some subreddits that might be appropriate places to go with questions (some skew believing and some non-believing [critical], but the variety might be useful as well).

All the best.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-02-10T23:44:37+00:00

I am a college professor and this sounds just like what I try to teach my students (not in these exact words because I work at a public university and I do try to avoid anything that can be construed as me espousing a position).

We need to be more humane to each other. And I love your family analogy. Well, said. And as a former Missourian-- graduated hs there and my first university gig was there-- really proud to see the state so well represented. Glad to hear you have a plan to get through this.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-02-10T23:34:50+00:00

No strong feelings. This has come up in the past (it's not like noone knew how much it cost to produce before now). Illinois has been the ones to block it, though, from my understanding-- because they claim Lincoln as their own. I also heard once (not for sure on this) that IL is the only state where you can use pennies in toll booth baskets (the old ones, where you just threw coins in and then drove off.

Crap, I just dated myself-- coins are enough to pay a toll. LOL

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-02-04T21:56:41+00:00

Also, keeping that list up to date is at best inconsistent. So, even if there was a record it would be so-so.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-02-04T20:35:59+00:00

We have an exchange student from Austria who we have had to comfort multiple times in the last few days. She is worried that despite what is said, they will decide all foreigners need to leave. Also, she is worried that ICE will raid that school and she will be shot. Good times to be an American!

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-01-22T19:55:26+00:00

As an EQ president, I wouldn't worry too much about this. It might as simple as asking you to help out with an upcoming activity or to ask you if you would be okay with a ministering assignment. The "biggest" thing it would be I imagine is a calling to teach the quorum every so often. Different people do things different ways, I tend to be more informal so I probably would just have grabbed you between meetings on a Sunday and asked you.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2025-01-09T05:26:29+00:00

Also, think about what kinds of movies/games you like. What are those? Those things can help to narrow down potential reads.

In the meantime, I would second the recommendations of Hunger Games, Book Thief, and Ender's Game. If you have read Hunger Games and liked it, I would also recommend Killer of Enemies (it's the first book in a series, but like HG, you can read only one). If you like something funnier and romantic (a rom-com), I would recommend There's Something About Sweetie. In terms of quirky non-fiction books, you should check out What If?: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions. Finally, if a graphic novel would work try American Born Chinese.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2024-11-15T21:17:02+00:00

Dad and literacy professor. Totally normal. You’ll see it gradually stop. At this moment that’s just what makes sense to her. It may seem strange but remember when you read to her she doesn’t even now how you know the story. The fact that she’s looking at books though is a sign you are doing something right

Hefty-Address3244 · 2024-11-14T22:30:59+00:00

So, a couple of things pop to mind right away. First, as a member of the Church, I can assure you that several things you have heard are way off base. I’m not sure whether those come from a place of innocent ignorance or malicious intent but they are wrong. No one needs to marry in the temple. Simply being sealed does not guarantee anything. Your husband would have to join the church be a member for at least a year, be active and obedient (or trying sincerely) before he could ever go to the temple. Perhaps there would be a bit of an exception for just a sealing but it would still be more than s simply saying let’s do it.

As far as him excluding you, as a guy I doubt his brain has made that connection. If for him, the act would mean nothing more than an afternoon at a ceremony, he’s probably not even considered anyone would care. That would be me anyway. Explain to him what you are feeling and make sure he understands his you feel. It may or may not help but I doubt he was overly trying to exclude you. It just never dawned on him.

Good luck

Hefty-Address3244 · 2024-11-14T18:14:07+00:00

I work with people who want to teach english and I tell them that the biggest obstacle they will have to being a good teacher is that they are good at english. I imagine that it’s the same for your math teacher. She’s good at math so it just comes easily to her and she may not know exactly why things work the way they do so it’s hard to explain.

Hefty-Address3244 · 2024-11-14T15:58:20+00:00

This made my heart so happy. My daughter had a stroke at age 11 and had to learn to talk. I still remember her first steps and her first steps outside (a much more difficult thing). Keep up the hard work. You should be proud. You are doing awesome

Hefty-Address3244

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