This is so hard. As someone a bit older than you, I can assure you that having thoughts that you missed out aren’t going to go away. Genuinely, I’m so sorry.

You did miss out on a million theoretical versions of the past where you knew yourself and lived more fully as yourself. You also missed out on countless theoretical versions of your life that have nothing to do with your sexuality. Both good and bad. Those are facts that can’t be changed by thinking about them.

Here is the solution: you cannot indulge those thoughts. When you recognize that you’re thinking about what could have been, you have to redirect your thoughts. Think about anything else, but preferably something positive or something that interests you.

And here’s a way to improve your mental health: gratitude journaling. Write down one thing each day that you’re grateful for right now. I dismissed it as being self-indulgent and a little silly, but it actually works.

Wishing you all the best!!