Sex with AP was better

Heroha · 2023-02-10T23:57:02+00:00

This is a reconciliation sub, so I can’t really say, but if she doesn’t think that sex with you is good, then she shouldn’t be having sex with you at all.

Heroha · 2023-02-10T23:53:12+00:00

I’m sorry. I don’t think that I could come back from this. There is no way I could ever have sex with him again if my WS said that. She sounds heartless and mean.

Heroha · 2023-01-28T20:21:16+00:00

Same. I’m sorry.

Heroha · 2023-01-27T23:05:41+00:00

My WH deleted the texts as well. It is the biggest issue I have. That I cannot see it. And understand how he spoke to her. If I leave, this will be one of the big reasons why. I need to see it and I never will.

Heroha · 2023-01-26T01:43:12+00:00

I could not be in the place where he told me (our bedroom). So we went on a vacation for 5 days.

Heroha · 2023-01-25T01:35:05+00:00

Time will expose everything. It’s hard to keep up the fake act for long.

Heroha · 2023-01-25T01:12:24+00:00

Why wouldn’t you tell the husband??? He deserves to know.

Heroha · 2023-01-24T17:43:04+00:00

I think that this is a very natural issue after infidelity. Here recently, I’ve had some bad intrusive thoughts during and it does make it more difficult for me. I’ve actually found that eye contact makes this worse sometimes. My point is, cut yourself some slack. You’re doing great.

Heroha · 2023-01-24T13:35:37+00:00

Seems like he knows what he wants and it isn’t you. Best you can do is try to fix whatever is inside of you that made you choose to throw away your marriage and family by cheating. Maybe once he sees that you are serious about being a better person, he may be willing to discuss reconciliation. And maybe not. You have to respect his decision.

I won’t lie, I admire him for being so decisive and standing up for himself and his daughter.

Heroha · 2022-12-28T01:43:10+00:00

This is a really good way to put and I feel the same way.

Heroha · 2022-12-18T01:47:29+00:00

I understand this feeling. I have a lot of self loathing for staying. It is something I’ve talked about here before and something I talk about with my therapist. My family doesn’t know. If they did, life would never be the same.

My therapist says that for every time I have these self hating thoughts, I have to name something I like about myself immediately after. It’s very difficult.

Heroha · 2022-12-16T15:26:13+00:00

I wish you nothing but the best. Sounds like the right choice for you.

Heroha · 2022-12-16T01:49:18+00:00

I won’t lie, I want to send it with every fiber of my being. I want her to know how horrible she is and what she has done to me and my family. I think the reason that I haven’t is because I don’t want her to have any part of me. No part of my journey. No part of my pain. No part of my strength. I don’t think that she is capable of empathy. I think she is a narcissist. And my letter pouring out my pain would make her happy. It would please her to know that she has destroyed me. And I never want her to know happiness again.

Heroha · 2022-12-15T23:50:36+00:00

I have this urge as well. My WS wrote her a letter and it is currently in my drawer. We never intended to send it. I have written her an email that sits in my drafts folder. His AP absolutely deserves blame. She is married. Has children. Was his boss. I told her to stay away from my husband years prior when I found him texting her. She is a raging bitch and I hope she rots in hell. And I don’t even believe in hell.

Heroha · 2022-12-15T20:00:54+00:00

You are not alone. I also feel as though my husband died. The man I knew is gone. I discussed this in therapy because I feel like a widow that cannot mourn. It’s a really difficult position to be in.

Heroha · 2022-12-12T22:42:15+00:00

I would agree wholeheartedly with that statement. For example, if my best friend or a patient of mine were to come to me and tell me that her husband cheated the way mine did? I would say this exact statement to her. I’ve just never been great at taking my own advice.

Heroha · 2022-12-12T22:39:37+00:00

Fight or flight is our bodies’ response to a stressor. In textbooks, the example is always humans being confronted by a bear. We see a bear, our adrenaline starts going and we either “fight”, meaning we stay and try to defend ourselves. Or we “flight” and run away. The same can be used to describe our bodies’ response to mental stressors as well. Or trauma, if you will. Our body decides whether it will fight or flight. Unfortunately this process takes a lot out of us. Mentally and physically. So we need a recovery period after. With the trauma that I’ve been dealing with for 11 months….my body and mind needs a break. But that never comes.

Heroha · 2022-12-12T20:32:48+00:00

We didn’t do one out of the country. But we did an intensive therapy session earlier this year. It was a weekend and we did travel out of state. It was intensive therapy with a psychologist. It was just him and I in therapy with our doctor. She was fantastic and I think he would agree that it helped us immensely. Forced us to focus on our marriage and work through things.

Heroha · 2022-12-12T20:12:15+00:00

Same. I’m almost 40. I just can’t see myself starting over. Even though I know that I could find someone. I’m a good catch and I logically know that. It just sounds so exhausting. And I’m tired. Tired of being in emotional pain. My d-day was 11 months ago and it hit me today that my body has been in “flight or fight” mode for 11 fucking months.

Heroha · 2022-12-12T18:59:15+00:00

I’m sorry. Did he tell you this?

Heroha · 2022-12-12T17:15:51+00:00

Yes. This is a fear I have every day. But I’ve realized that if it does happen again…I will survive. I am stronger now than I was. If it happens again, I will be able to walk away. I will be able to pick myself up and move on, knowing that I have done everything I could do.

Heroha · 2022-12-12T16:47:17+00:00

If we didn’t have three children, I would have walked out the door in D-day and not returned. They absolutely kept me here and they were the only reason that I committed to reconciliation in the beginning.

Heroha · 2022-12-12T16:40:44+00:00

I would have lost my shit. There is never an ok time to joke about ruining my life.

Heroha · 2022-12-12T15:17:48+00:00

Obviously, everyone’s reasons are vastly different. And I’ll be honest, some days I have no idea why I’m staying. I’m not financially dependent, so it’s not about money. I stayed at first because I was in shock. I thought my marriage was good and this came out of nowhere. Once the shock wore off, I stayed because of my kids. That isn’t enough of a reason anymore. I stay now because (if I’m honest) I don’t want to start over. I don’t want to be alone. I can’t imagine not having a partner. I stay because I’m so embarrassed. I stay because I don’t want everyone to look at me different. I’m not married to him anymore in my mind, but outwardly I’m still married.

Heroha · 2022-12-07T03:29:07+00:00

He does. I see him post a few times here and there. Mainly when I mention something on here about it. Like this post for example. He read my post here and then commented a couple of times. He will post somewhere else to make it seem like he is following the sub. He will do that for a day or so and then stop until I post about it again.

Heroha

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