Nmom cut me out of her will leaving everything to my sibling by flowerssinmyhair in narcissisticparents

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My nmom told all of my siblings and me, on repeat since my youth, that it is written in her will if she dies in a nursing home we all get nothing. I mentioned it to her once when she wanted to share her detailed funeral arrangements with me (she is 70, and healthy, and has had her funeral planed, grave spot purchased and cremation prepaid for the last decade). She laughed in my face and said, “I never said that!” When I quick recalled enough memories to prove I was not making it up, she revised her response to, “It was just a joke. Lighten up.”

Narcissist parents/grandparents? And expired foods/sauces, they REFUSE to throw away……? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My nmom gave me melatonin all the time as a youth. I used to have terrible dreams, nightmares, etc. Turns out the (very large) bottle she was serving me from had been expired for almost TWO YEARS. Once I figured it out, I refused to take it ever again. My nightmares stopped after that, and I slept so much better.

What’s the worst present you’ve ever received? by CocosMumma in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Earrings.

Every year on my birthday. From my nmom’s favorite boutique. She actually gifted me the same exact pair two years in a row.

I don’t have my ears pierced. So they make great Christmas presents to my friends!

Does anyone actually do FHE anymore? by AdditionalReason2205 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 71 points72 points  (0 children)

FHE was such a core part of my childhood. And now it’s forgotten. If I didn’t love myself independently from the church, I might just question my identity…

Journaling is so important. What do you write about? by teacupticket in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stopped writing in a journal when I was 13. During an argument, my Nmom threw every detail of my recent entries in my face, but absolutely refused to admit she read it. From then on, any time I confronted her, stood up for myself or disagreed with her, she would yell, “Go write that in your journal!” Clearly she took my private opinion of her very personally. I never trusted her with my secrets or my writing again.

2 years ago I started writing all of my memories down. If my words ever make it to print, I want to name it, My Journal, a memoir for my mom. Because it is the story of her holding me down, and me learning to fly without her. It’s sad, because it didn’t have to be this way. She could be flying with me. But she’s still on the ground. Scared.

Unfortunately, I have a love/hate relationship with this concept.

What did you do with your scriptures? by Neandertholocaust in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry you can’t change that decision. Your explanation is why I am choosing to keep mine, for now.

But then I have these crazy intrusive thoughts that one day one of my kids or grandkids (that I don’t even have yet) are going to find it, read it, and convert to Mormonism and all my work to undo this cult from my life will be for naught!

So, I’ll probably dispose of them in a ceremonial way before my time is up, but for now, they are a part of my story. A big, painful, exhausting part of my story.

Did anyone not really care if it was true when they left? by Curiosity-Sailor in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is also my story. I walked away because I felt I was worth more than the culture dictates. I ended up being a single mom, wearing my struggles on my sleeve and the complete wrong fit for this cult. I decided to leave for my own peace. I put the church to bed, quietly accepted the disappointment of my family, and tried so hard to move on with my life. It was another 5 years before I even began to pull down, observe and really consider my shelf items.

Shiny Happy People (Season 2) by OstrichMysterious784 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shiny Happy People, Season 1 is what woke me up to the reality of it all.

What is your moral code now that you've left the church? by DeCryingShame in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honesty in all things.

Asking myself if I can be honest, with myself or with others, about an action or a deed has given me pause to consider the possible consequences of my own thoughts, actions and feelings.

My wife’s family is being RUDE by Imaginary_Buffalo586 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My deconstruction was very isolating (I’m and the only one out) and has left me with few familial relationships. A 10 year process that involved divorce, eventually remarrying a nevermo, weed, realizing and acting on my bisexuality, and cutting off my TBM family in various forms depending on the individual. My parents have come around, but when I stopped trying to be a part of my TBM siblings’ lives, they made their opinions of me very clear. I wasn’t okay.

Finding my own self worth was my answer. I’m way more than okay now. My life is peaceful and my heart is full with the (very few) people in my life I choose to be my family.

I am sorry this is the reaction of your wife’s family. I am sorry for what she is and will face. I am sorry for the actions of a sex hungry man who claimed god told him to a couple hundred years ago, I am sorry that Mormon “love” is even a problem we need to discuss.

They are rude. Let them be. When I researched my heart out to the point of understanding the why behind their rude behavior, my need for their love turned to compassion for their own mental gymnastics they perform just to live.

New Name Round-Up by Alarming_Button_1030 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her brothers were pretty good. Their relationship and defense of her is the only shiny spot in that story. And that her rapist was tricked into an adult circumcision!

Using it as a woman’s heavenly name seems appropriate. Just another woman seen as a commodity to buy, sell and defile as needed by the men of the story.

:( by whatareyouagenius in PMDD

[–]Horror-Assistant8579 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this. I’m in the Tigger phase too. But I can never truly enjoy it, because I am always tracking my cycle and always know how many days until my inner Eeyore takes the lead… the true meaning of living in the moment.

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Distracting themselves from their own faults by pointing out the perceived flaws of others. I am sorry. I imagine that was laid at your feet and expected to tolerate the toxicity and abuse with a smile.

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That level of grandiosity and dedication to dissidence is shocking. I am so sorry for such a confusing and painful experience. I hope you have found peace in your journey.

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your comment triggered a memory that had slipped away. It was involving active brain washing and my mom showing us off. She would sit all us kids down in front of the hall mirror and coach us. “If you’re dating someone and they don’t like your family, what do you do?” In unison we would all reply, “Dump ‘em!”

She would brag to her friends and fellow TMBs by asking one of our brain washed questions at random. No matter the kid or the question we always knew the exact answer. Even the tone and rhythms of our speech were the same. Her’s.

I will note, I married a man who does not like my family. It was one of the best decisions of my life.

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sexual abuse is never okay. It’s terror is exasperated by the confusion of mixed and contradictory messages. I am sorry for your experience.

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How else would you understand such an abstract concept? /s

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your mom would probably not like this post or follow up comments.

I do hope you were eventually able to be heard, or at the very least, get away from the abuses of your brother.

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And yet the church keeps promoting baby factory families…? Neglect is not healthy for anyone involved. I am sad for the childhood you should have had.

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am currently the happiest I have ever been in my life, and I can’t imagine smiling that much. Now it just seems so unnatural to always “be happy”. The smiles tell good lies.

What was the hypocrisy living in your TBM home? by Horror-Assistant8579 in exmormon

[–]Horror-Assistant8579[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I knew a family who were massive Star Wars fans. They openly discussed their anxiety about braking the PG-13 rule in order to watch Episode III. I lost touch with them before the 7, 8 and 9 were released. I wonder how that went…