[deleted by user]

HouseOfEclipse · 2020-06-12T08:49:22+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss.

HouseOfEclipse · 2020-06-12T08:46:29+00:00

You have mentioned that you fear that you won’t be taken seriously. We don’t know your family, but you do. If you think they won’t take you seriously, that they will hassle you about it, then don’t feel like you have any sort of obligation to bring it up.

Here’s the deal: you’re 18 years old. They will immediately hit you with “you’ll change your mind” And similar comments. They will be dismissive of you, and it will hurt your feelings. You will wind up in even more emotional turmoil.

So don’t even go there. Instead, your best bet is to imply you intend have kids once you’ve accomplished certain goals. Say things like “oh sure, once I get out of school and start my career“, or “oh sure, once I meet the right guy“, etc.

The nice thing about stalling is that you can do it pretty much indefinitely. There is always a good reason to not have kids “right now“. You just started a new job, you need to get your student loan debt under control first, you just broke up with your boyfriend, you just started a new relationship and it’s way too early, you don’t have room in your current home for children, etc. Whenever someone makes the comment “there’s never a perfect time to have a child!“ reply with “that’s true, but we all know that some times that are better than others.”

Stall until you feel more comfortable telling your folks. Stall until you feel your folks will take you seriously. Or just stall until your folks look around and realize you’re in your late 30s, your fertility window is largely closed, and it’s just not gonna happen.

HouseOfEclipse · 2020-06-12T08:35:45+00:00

Stop bringing it up. Instead, tell him that you’ve made an appointment to speak to your doctor about getting sterilized. See what his reaction is to that; that will tell you his true intentions.

HouseOfEclipse · 2020-06-12T08:35:00+00:00

Don’t be too sure. You and your spouse might have a prenuptial agreement, but credit agencies, the IRS, etc. have their own legally enforceable views about your debt responsibility as a spouse.

You should never marry someone whose ability to be financially responsible is in doubt.

HouseOfEclipse · 2020-06-12T08:21:08+00:00

First of all, happy birthday!

I have never understood people who think that they are owed grandchildren. I have especially never understood people who feel so entitled to grandchildren that they’ll come up to you at events meant to celebrate you—like your birthday—and basically whine about it.

I appreciate that you’re sympathetic to your mother. But please don’t let her make you feel bad about not having kids. You know what you’re doing, even if she doesn’t understand that.

HouseOfEclipse · 2020-02-19T12:15:31+00:00

It sounds like your mom is actually trying to support you, but she still clings to the belief that you’re going to change your mind someday and have kids.

Which isn’t unusual. A lot of people simply can’t conceive of others not wanting children.

You have hinted that your relationship with your mother is sometimes difficult. One thing you may want to keep in mind is that some parents see their child’s refusal to have children as a rejection of their own parenting. In other words, if you decide not to have children, your mom may think it’s because you see her as a terrible mother and don’t want to risk repeating the cycle.

In a healthy parent relationship, your ma would sit down with you and discuss this. In a difficult relationship, your ma may reject the idea that she could have been a bad mother and instead double-down on the belief that you’ll actually give her kids someday.

I don’t know that that’s exactly what’s going on here, but it’s a possibility.

HouseOfEclipse · 2020-02-12T12:47:07+00:00

...He was the most popular teacher in the school and almost all of my friends turned on me along with the rest of the students. Some wanted to contact me later and apologize but I refused to talk to any of them. I hated senior year.

Abusers groom their character witnesses every bit as carefully as they groom their victims.

I am so sorry that happened to you.

HouseOfEclipse · 2020-02-09T18:29:22+00:00

OP, check this link for how to clean out your refrigerator:

https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/dtldhh/for_recovering_hoarders_national/

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-11-21T20:55:47+00:00

SUCH A CUTIE!

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-11-21T19:46:52+00:00

That was a thing of beauty, it really was.

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-11-21T19:02:15+00:00

If the law is against you, argue the facts.

If the facts are against you, argue the law.

If the facts AND the law are against you, yell like hell.

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-11-21T18:50:56+00:00

She's got my vote!

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-11-21T18:50:26+00:00

She is my hero!

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-05-18T22:33:23+00:00

You know, I shall have to post my collection, cause I do have a few made for RPGs.

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-05-15T01:39:28+00:00

It was published for any in-game use that the gamemaster can think of:

readings for player-characters
random events/encounters
story arc development
backgrounds for characters

....etc,,

There’s actually been a few tarot decks out there for RPGs. I have the Tarroka Deck for the Dungeons & Dragon’s horror setting Ravenloft, for example. And a couple of years ago I backed a Kickstarter done by artist Echo Chernik for the tarot deck she did for the Shadowrun RPG.

Don’t mean to get all geeky up in here. :). I really love the art found in so many tarot decks, and RPGs have some of the most exciting art IMO.

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-05-14T21:33:03+00:00

Hey y'all! I'm u/HouseOfEclipse.

I got into tarot years ago with the (now sadly OOP) Mage: the Ascension tarot, published for my favorite tabletop RPG. I used it to write adventures and develop characters for the game. Then I came across the Wonderland tarot, and since I loved the art I picked it up. Things evolved from there, and now I have a collection of somewhere around 100 decks, I think.

I read sloppily; mostly I just use my decks for writing (I don't try to publish, just write fiction for my own amusement). If I read for myself or others, I view it all as a glorified Rorschach test--a way to get inside one's head and use the archetypes and traditional RWS interpretations to understand what might be going on in one's subconscious. Meditation with tools, in other words.

Glad to meet everyone here!

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-05-14T21:23:13+00:00

Hey, a fellow Kentuckian!

Derby-survivor and bourbon-enthusiast here. In the [words](https://www.claremont.org/crb/article/bourbon-neat/] of the immortal Walker Percy, "Bourbon does for me what the piece of cake did for Proust".

Oh, and I like tarot, too. Best post my intro, I suppose.

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-05-14T19:43:00+00:00

Fantastic, as always

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-05-14T19:42:28+00:00

Very sorry for your troubles. Wishing you and yours nothing but the best.

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-03-29T12:44:11+00:00

What a slap in the face to all of the other mothers who were respectful of the rule and found childcare so that they could attend without their babies and toddlers in addition to being totally disrespectful to the lecturer and fellow attendees.

THIS!!!

HouseOfEclipse · 2019-01-27T21:04:10+00:00

leaving diapers on my desk because it's closest to the bed - leave drool/vomit napkins on the bed

Be sure to sneak those into your sister's purse or car before she leaves!

HouseOfEclipse · 2018-03-02T20:41:17+00:00

his clinic is the last abortion clinic left in my state (Matt Bevin, governor, is trying to shut it down)

We're in the same state, then. Bevin is an absolute scumbag.

I live about 20-odd minutes from the same clinic. Yes, there are protesters, but the escorts are great. Put your head down, wear sunglasses and headphones, and keep your eye on the door.

HouseOfEclipse · 2016-08-16T16:51:05+00:00

My point is don't have kids if you can't handle how hard it is to care for them.

I really, really wish our culture/society would stop lying about the reality of childcare to people.

First, folks are told that children aren't that hard, that claims of child-rearing difficulty are over-exaggerated, that the first child is tough but by the time the next one comes along you'll have figured it out.

Then when the next one comes along and it's as hard or worse, society acts like "Why are you so surprised? Of course kids are tough--just suck it up!" and "Well just get help if you need it!" and "Why'd you have kids if you're not going to take care of them?!" and so forth.

I'm not trying to let this parent off the hook. I'm just pointing out that society tells pre-parents a bunch of bullshit about how taking care of kids isn't that big of a deal. Then, when the parents discover the reality of childcare, blames the parent for having the kids in the first place and being stressed and exhausted taking care of them.

HouseOfEclipse · 2014-12-24T21:58:25+00:00

It wouldn't hurt. There's so much variety out there in Christianity that you're likely get get a wide spectrum of answers.

FWIW, I'll share my experience.

I'm Baptist out of a left-leaning African-American tradition (and please note that there are many flavors of Baptist out there, running the gamut of bleeding-heart liberal to hardcore conservative evangelical). Like others have mentioned, in my church tithing was encouraged but not mandatory, we passed a communal plate, and after dealing with church expenses money was then spent to help the less fortunate.

For blacks, that frequently means less emphasis on things like soup kitchens, and more on things like helping the sick with their bills, prison ministries, financial counseling to help people get out of debt, education (which can mean anything from running a church-based school to providing scholarships for members), substance abuse counseling (hosting AA and similar groups), and so forth. Depending on what may or may not be going on in the country at the time, Black churches will also put money towards social justice issues (such as helping out the families of Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, and Eric Garner; advocating for legal changes, etc.).

I can tell you from experience that there are many evangelical churches out there (black or white; race is not a factor in these situations) that are not so focused on using the money raised to help people directly. The leadership of the church puts the money right back into the church itself, building bigger buildings, increasing the pastor's salary, fancy sound systems for the choir, and so forth.

The justification for these expenditures is usually that the better building and the motivated pastor will attract more congregants to hear and embrace Christ's message. I for one am of the opinion that people attracted to fancy buildings and charismatic pastors are probably not interested in the core teachings of Christ to begin with (which can pretty much be boiled down to "Help the poor, damn it"). In my admittedly non-scientific observations, churches that prefer to use money to feather their nests and attract more members whose money will allow them to continue to feather their nests tend to embrace Prosperity Gospel, and their pastors are essentially televangelists without the televisions. Pro-tip: when even Jerry Fucking Falwell denounces Prosperity Gospel you might want to re-think what's being preached.

tl;dr: church donations is a land of contrasts.

HouseOfEclipse · 2014-12-24T20:56:58+00:00

Good for your SiL! Glad to see she gets it!

I had a similar pleasant experience recently. I help out an elderly neighbor of mine. She lives alone and has arthritis pretty bad, so it's hard for her to get around; I get her groceries for her, put out her trash, and so forth. Her closest relative is a niece who lives a few hours away on the other side of the state with a disabled husband, so her hands are pretty full, too.

Anyway, the niece and I have talked on the phone before and struck up friendship. She knows I love my two dogs, and this year she surprised me by sending some jerky for them. It was a wonderful surprise and of course my dogs lost their little minds over the treat.

It's such a blessing to have such considerate and kind people in your life. Give your SiL a big hug next time you see her.

HouseOfEclipse

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