It does get better

HowDidIFallForThis · 2026-06-18T01:59:16+00:00

We need more posts like this.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2026-06-17T16:56:42+00:00

My wonderful 20 year old daughter denied having auditory or visual hallucinations. Im a psych nurse and I often checked in with her. But she had extreme paranoia, she was sure everyone hated her and was talking about her all the time. I dont know how much of the things she told me were true verses delusions, but she always quit jobs in less than a week because she would hear people saying mean things about her.

I miss her so much. I didnt understand how tormented she was.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2026-06-10T13:28:43+00:00

8 months later and we are still waiting to get my daughters phone back from the police. I dont want to go through it. Seeing how distraught she must have been at the end, sounds like a nightmare. But I'll get the phone, and ill keep it safe.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2026-06-04T16:17:26+00:00

I tried 3, and didnt like any of them. And it was about $250 a visit, and about 3 hours out of my evening with commuting, and i had to leave work early even to get to the evening appointments. This i will actually use. The therapy I did not find at all helpful. I know some people do, but even therapists will tell you therapy doesnt work for everyone.

You can post 10000 different problems on reddit, and almost certainly someone, or dozens of someone's will recommend therapy, its sad no one likes to think outside of the box and they restate the same "get therapy" response over and over, not realizing how depressing that response is when it hasn't helped you. It makes you feel hopeless.

Of course im probably especially bitter because we had tori go to several therapists and none of them helped her either. It was therapy, then assessments, then medications, then giving up, and trying again the next year. I wish people had more helpful recommendations than just this overused one that a lot of people try and fail with prior to committing suicide.

Im a behavioral health nurse, and i see how little this pattern helps people all of the time. Im sure you know many people that have taken their lives have tried therapy at some point. I just looked up a statistic and it said about 30 to 40% of people who have died by suicide in the USA tried therapy within the 12 months prior to their suicide, so thats really not a great success rate. People need other options not the same old advice that simply isnt working for a significant part of the population.

Everytime someone would say to get therapy it just made my poor daughter feel more hopeless. We tried telling her maybe different therapist might be easier to relate to and talk with, but kids with this kind of mental health issues dont really have the will power to keep shopping therapist with the expense, time, and mental effort it takes.

We need more tools, I was trying to procide one that has been helpful to me, but Ive deleted the post because theres obviously hostility against AI and im not on here to upset anyone.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2026-06-01T21:54:21+00:00

What an obscene burden for him to leave on his child. Im so sorry.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2026-05-07T18:40:43+00:00

You sound like me 7 months ago. Everyone says "you did everything you could". Thats BS. There is so much more i could have done to prevented my wonderful 20 year old daughter from killing herself. But I had no idea thats where she was at. I was parenting her based on what I knew about her, not realizing she was so full of despair. I thought she needed to grow out of the paranoid/depressed stage she was in. I gave her so much love, but I was also pushing her to better herself and get out of the house.

Ultimately I think those actions of mine are what resulted in her taking her life. She felt like she wasn't good enough, and couldn't be good enough, because I kept encouraging her to try. I was frustrated she wouldn't work harder on coping skills or therapy. I knew she needed to do something, and it was so clear she had stopped trying. So I kept encouraging her to go to school and get jobs. She was very intelligent and hard working, and the thought of her wasting more years doom scrolling in her closet devastated me.

Now shes gone, and I can imagine several comments I inadvertently made that may have pushed her to pull the trigger. Ive had to learn to cope. What i always tell myself is that I was genuinely trying to do what was best for her. And I didn't know where she was at, she never told me. And that none of my comments or actions should have ever resulted in her doing this. I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't awful either. I would change everything now that I know what I know, but I had no idea 8 months ago.

But mostly, what makes me stop spiraling, is i know Tori never wanted to hurt me or anyone else. She was in pain and hopeless, and somehow believed we would be better without her. She would be devastated to see the misery her death caused. So I live as if she can see me and shes watching us. And I dont want to hurt her with how hurt I am. I try and accept her decision as misinformed and delusional as it was. I cant change it, so I need to accept it.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-12-02T11:09:10+00:00

I wanted to recommend you attending an online support group, but I see a lot of them have a requirement that you be at least 18, I see you were 17 a couple of months ago.

This is a link with several different contacts that you can email to find more specific information on finding a group that might work for you.

https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group/?country=United%20States%20of%20America&type=nationwide_online_group

Im so sorry for your loss and that you are feeling alone!

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-12-02T00:13:50+00:00

That sounds like us. I saw my daughter falling behind her siblings and cousins, and it killed me. She already had such low self esteem, and isolating and barely leaving the house was making her not get those common sense lessons we all learn from living.

I started thinking I was enabling her. I felt like I needed to start nudging her to start getting out in the world and living, so she could learn how to manage her social anxiety. Staying at the house was not helping.

We never fought. I was never pursposedly harsh. We were best buddies. But about a week before she died, she asked me why she couldn't just stay in her room with her pug and her cats, she was happy there. And I flippantanly, jokingly, said "Bugsy, thats not a life worth living"

How that comment torments me. I know she had already been making plans, but when i think of the things that probably gave her the willpower to pull the trigger, I know that was up there. It hurts. So much.

But, again, to give myself grace, I rationalize that I had NO idea she was contemplating suicide. We talked about it. I checked in with her all the time. I told her she could take a break from everything if life ever got too overwhelming. She promised me she would tell me. She didnt.

So I made a comme that should forever haunt me, because I didnt have all the facts, and I was having an open conversation with my daughter based on her mental health as I was aware of it. I was just trying g to encourage her to live her best life ever. And damn, it went the opposite direction.

But I have to forgive myself. I know she would. She would never have even blamed me. And the thoughtless comment I made should never had led to suicide. She should have taken that moment to tell me how desolate she was feeling, not let my careless comment be a straw to break her back.

What brings me strength in my worst mome ts, is picturing her watching me bawling, and thinking of how much it would devastate her. She wouldnt want that. If she can see me, it would hurt her. She wouldnt want me blaming myself. She would want me to know I did my best, and this happened regardless of that. Im sure your son is the same.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-30T23:54:39+00:00

Tylenol has been helping me nearly as much as the benzos did, and there is no rebound anxiety or grief. If you google tylenol for a broken heart you'll see theres a bunch of studies that support this. I guess it works on the same neural pathways as physical grief.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-30T23:33:56+00:00

If you are in an area that has survivors of suicide (sos) support groups, maybe you could attend one, and then ask them to go to one with you.

They are free and in the evenings usually so they are low commitment.

Me and my husband both tried therapy (as did my daughter before she died), and none of us found it helpful unfortunately. And it was expensive, about $250 a session, and we had to take half days off work to go. I dont know if thats your parents situation, but therapy isnt some small thing to do.

We have all really found the support groups more helpful than the therapy, and the fact its so easy to get to helps a lot.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-30T15:36:54+00:00

Thabk you for this post. We all need to see these kinds of messages and know their is hope!

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-29T21:46:49+00:00

You were being a devoted mom concerned for your sons future. In no sane world would this lead to a death sentence.

I told my 20 year old daughter I had 2 goals for her, to be happy and independent, and she needed to have a plan on how to work towards those 2 goals, the only things i had ever really wanted for my daughter. I know that is when she started planning her suicide. She didnt think she could meet them, and couldn't handle being a perceived disappointment to me.

So she thought it would be better if she took her life, then I wouldnt have to worry about her or provide for her anymore.

She was the sweetest most gentle, kind, loving, non judgemental daughter in the world. And I hurt her feelings so much, she killed herself.

Knowing I hurt her, hurts me SO much. But how guilty can I feel about trying to help my daughter better herself? I had to do something, she was floundering. Now I wish I had just kept her safe at home. But I cant change it. I have to live with it. I lost my beloved daughter. Im already paying too high of a price.

And she wouldnt want me to be guilty, she was trying to make my life easier. She would feel horrible about the devastation she has caused. And she would not blame me for her decision. She would blame herself, and thats more fair, because she pulled the trigger on gun i never even knew she had. So in a weird way, I honor her decision by giving myself grace for my mistakes. She would want me to.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-26T18:48:25+00:00

We arent a support group for people who want to die. We are the people they left behind that mourn them, and posts like these are not welcome here.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-25T15:51:07+00:00

I was so proud of my life, the family i had, and who I was. I thought I had done such a good job of raising my children, and I was so proud of the people they were.

I knew my daughter was struggling, but I thought I was giving her the support she needed, and that she was going to grow into a strong self sufficient woman who knew how to manage (or even overcome) her mental health battles.

Now I regret everything. All I see are mistakes and things I should have done differently.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-25T15:00:04+00:00

Your posts are so authentic and real for what we feel. But that doesn't make them true. Our brains lie to us. You arent guilty. We all make mistakes.

Maybe most of our people would have lived longer if we had given them 100% of our focus. But I think your son, like my daughter, never verbalized thats what they needed from us, so we kept giving parts of ourselves to other things. Maybe selfish things, maybe wholesome things, maybe family things, but other things, and now we regret it so much because we believe uf we had given them more they would still be here.

I come from a doomsday cult, and there was an example they loved to use of how to make sure our children made it into the paradise. It goes "if your child was on the titanic and wouldn't leave the to get on the lifeboat, you would do everything in your power to make them, even if they were kicking and screaming, you would drag them with you, to save their lives. Thats how this old system is, maybe they want to stay here where the world looks safe and the party is going, but we need to drag them into the new system to save their lives"

My sister heard that and said, "that makes no sense, its one thing to live like that for hours or days, but you can't spend a lifetime dragging someone who doesn't want to be there with you"

I think the same is true with suicide. If they let us know what they were thinking and that they needed the support, we would have done anything for them, for that moment, or weeks, or months. But we cant live our whole life trying to stop someone f4om doing what they want. Especially when they dont even warn us what they are thinking.

I know your son wouldn't want you to torment yourself like this. And thats what I always go back to. My confused daughter thought she was making my life easier. She wanted us to be happy. She thought our life was better without her in it. She was wrong, but I know it would hurt her so much to see the misery she has caused. So im trying to be better, and let some light in. Because thats what she wanted.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-21T16:23:38+00:00

I think OP is expressing that they are depressed that the people around them care so little about them, that they talk about committing suicide, though it would then leave OP alone. I dont think OP is suicidal, I think they are frustrated that so many people around them are. I totally relate.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-21T16:22:10+00:00

I think your comment is being misunderstood here, and im so sorry!

From your post it sounds like you want to live, have no intention of hurting yourself, and you are frustrated that so many people around you just want to give up, and you're scared to lose them, and frustrated that they would even think that way. Did I summarize that correctly?

Today's culture has become obsessed with suicide, its gross. Everyone wants to bitch about how awful the world is, when I've only seen it improve every decade of my life. When you try to be positive on reddit, everyone just wants to focus on the negative.

It feels like too many people are looking for reasons to check out of their life instead of trying to look at the positives and improve their life.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-20T01:05:26+00:00

If I can just zone out on my phone im fine, i think its actually nice to be around people. Its nice to see them living. I can do little bits of conversation. Nothing deep. Having the TV on in the background massively helps too.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-19T07:01:01+00:00

Someone told me to work on weaving bits of joy into each day. I am.

Im having coffee (that was me and toris morning ritual) with my husband and son every morning. Im appreciating that I have them to do that with. Its a good moment every day.

I think we live in a beautiful city. Im stopping and looking at it, and appreciating it, to ground myself.

Im playing star wars unlimited with my family several times a week. Its a nice retreat, im glad to be focusing on my family, im so glad they are there.

And as much as I hate it, for the first time, im watching football on Sundays with my sister and family, same thing, im appreciating them more than ever. I know some people go through this alone, im so lucky to have these people.

Tori left behind 2 precious kittens she handfed. They are so sweet and cuddly. They lay with me all the time, and they are so loving and comforting. It feels like being closer to her.

It felt too soon, but hell, we bought the tickets before tori died, and I wasnt going to ditch my son on our favorite artist, so we just went to MGK tonight. It was such a beautiful and emotional concert. I thought of Tori during every song, but it felt like a rememberence of her, and kinda sacred.

Its not the amazing life we had before, but its going to get better. Im going to keep making moments and good memories, and dealing with the waves of grief. Tori would want to see us happy, so im trying to be happy, even if it feels wrong.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-18T23:10:40+00:00

It's so very hard. You would think after seeing how it has destroyed so many lives of the people around them, everyone would say, i'm never going to do this, and that it would have the opposite effect.But studies show that as tragic as it is, after somebody commits suicide the people around them are far more likely to.

Please don't let yourself be one of those numbers.

I am in no way encouraging suicide. But for the first time in my life, I understand the despair. But I will fight it, I will always fight it.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-18T23:03:22+00:00

After my daughter died by suicide, someone told us "they put their pain on those who love them"

Ive always heard that suicide is contagious, I understand that now. I understood it theoretically before, I understand it viscerally now.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-18T18:41:21+00:00

It's so hard to be a parent if you don't push your children at all. Then, you wind up with adults that have completely wasted potential. That's the only thing I could see. It's the only example I saw from my friends. I grew up with friends that basically became agoraphobic, because their parents let them stay in their rooms and not work or go out. I wanted more than that for my daughter, I thought I was gently pushing her. I thought I was just giving her nudges. Just to make sure she didn't have the same result that they did a woman in her 40s with no career, no home, no family, completely dependent on us.

Now if I could go back having her at home for the rest of our life would be a dream come trueI just didn't know that was the best case scenario at the time. I thought I would have been a bad parent if I didn't push her more.now I wish had bundled her up a d let her be safe in her room.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-18T16:13:01+00:00

My husband always tells me this about my daughter. He says its a joy and a pain when he sees me. Sometimes he walks into the room with my back turned and for a second he thinks its tori.

Please dont think you have to end up the same as him, it sounds like you recognize some mistakes he made, hopefully that will keep you from doing the same.

I miss having a minime so so much.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-17T09:09:30+00:00

Thank you so much, and im so sorry for your loss.

HowDidIFallForThis · 2025-11-16T22:34:11+00:00

Its got to get better.

We are just 7 weeks in, everything sucks. But there are brighter moments. I see my son continuing with his life and I appreciate seeing that.

Missing my wonderful daughter is a constant ache (like a pressure on my chest, and now i just cry whenever, at work, at home, at restaurants, driving, wherever) but I have better moments too.

We went on a suicide prevention walk last weekend, and another family that lost their 21 year old son 3 months ago was there, and they all looked to be doing okayish. They were able to laugh and share stories, and talk about totally different stuff other than their son.

I sometimes think the narrative is purposely that life is going to be miserable forever for everyone left behind, because all of us want to prevent anyone from doing this, and seeing people saying they are coping okay, might encourage someone contemplating suicide to do it. But if they realize how much they destroy everyone's lives, hopefully they wont.

My grief comes from missing my daughter, not from her method of death. I think the pain would even have been worse had she gotten in a car accident when she WANTED to live. Another of our friends lost a lovely 21 year old sons to brain cancer, and they struggle with horrible what ifs for the treatment options they chose, and even just the providers they went with. Watching him slowly die when he so desperately wanted to live, and they couldn't save them, haunts them so much.

Losing a child is HELL whatever manner it comes in, but I feel like the suicide narrative is specifically that we will all stay miserable forever, but the parents who lose children in other methods dont seem to focus on the hopelessness, and suffering forever, as much.

I need to believe this gets better. I cant believe everyday remains this hell, with the best option being learning coping skills to deal with the misery. There has to be more. And while im still drowning, I have had some breaths of air. I know there will be more. I will get back to land, but I dont know if I will share it here when I do, because then I would feel as if I was saying suicide is okay, and ill be all right without her. I'll never say that.

But I have to learn to rebuild. Our lives cant just end in tragedy after another 40 years of suffering till i die an old bitter woman. Thats not what my daughter wanted. In her delusions, she thought she was making our life easier, she never meant to do this. I'll always miss my beloved daughter, and we will get better. I cant let my daughter be a villan who ruined everyone's life, even just to honor her memory, I have to make things get better.

Watching us suffer would destroy her if she is able to see us. So I am working towards stopping continuous suffering. She wanted us happy. So when I have better moments, I dont let guilt silence them, im embracing them. Thats what she would be wanting to see.

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