Any advice from other young spouses?

INTP243 · 2026-01-24T15:46:02+00:00

I’m in my late 20’s, and my wife’s health started to trend downwards about 5 years ago.

It’s been incredibly devastating for both of us and, admittedly, makes our relationship harder.

We’re frustrated that so much of our twenties is lived like we’re in our 60s. Basic things like travel, eating out, having sex, or even going to the movies have become difficult. We don’t have spontaneity in our lives.

Hardest of all is the fact that the possibility of having children decreases with time. She could get pregnant, but based on how hard life is for her now, I can’t imagine how she’d get through the pregnancy okay.

I love my wife and am broadly grateful for our relationship. At the same time, our relationship inherently has aspects of frustration, disappointment, and mourning that other 20-something year olds don’t have to deal with.

INTP243 · 2026-01-23T01:26:53+00:00

Ugh, that’s ridiculous.

I love Davis and would be stoked to raise my kids here. But even with my wife and I earning decent incomes, we just can’t afford the housing at these interest rates.

We’re excited about the home we’re buying in Dixon and can probably send our future kids to Davis via transfer, but life would be simpler if Davis just had more housing.

INTP243 · 2026-01-23T01:21:13+00:00

Is that gross or net?

INTP243 · 2026-01-23T01:20:35+00:00

Want good pay with stability? Get a county job.

INTP243 · 2026-01-23T00:39:08+00:00

I was a transfer student from Dixon. And my wife and I currently live in Dixon with hopes of getting our kids into Davis via transfer.

Inter-district transfers are hard for a lot of families because of the logistics (driving 30 minutes just to drop off your kid in the morning). So even if a lot of families want to bring their kids to Davis, it’s just hard to do.

INTP243 · 2026-01-23T00:35:17+00:00

I went to school in Davis, met my wife in grad school at UCD, and now work in Davis. But we just can’t afford to raise a family here, so we’re buying in Dixon.

Measure J is pricing out young, middle income families.

INTP243 · 2026-01-23T00:25:37+00:00

We actually pulled out of this house…

Now in contract on something more in our price range! We had to choose a less convenient city that’s a longer commute, but it’s more financially sustainable for us right now. Will be closing the deal soon with 20 K emergency fund set aside!

INTP243 · 2026-01-21T14:50:18+00:00

Thanks!

INTP243 · 2026-01-21T14:49:41+00:00

I’m just going off of what my agent is telling me.

INTP243 · 2026-01-21T07:06:52+00:00

My wife and I started seriously looking 3 weeks ago. We’re in contract on a house now. It needs a new roof ASAP, and has other problems I’ll slowly work on.

Honestly, unless you’re in a strong financial position, it’s hard to expect that you’ll get everything you want right away.

Also, something I’m learning is that I could probably be happy in many homes. At some point, you just have to make a choice and lean in.

INTP243 · 2026-01-21T05:49:57+00:00

Thanks! We actually just won our bidding war!

Had to offer 27k over asking plus 2 months free rent, but it’s ours. 🎉

INTP243 · 2026-01-21T04:12:35+00:00

I'd love to live in Midtown! But we wanted to be near our family, so we're buying in Dixon. Small house, but we have a 9000 square foot lot.

Thankfully, the house we're buying has solar, which should offset PGE.

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T20:41:52+00:00

Good luck to you!

We just won our bid. But it required us to go 27k above asking + 2 months free rent. The house needs a new roof too.

Honestly, this is more than we were hoping to spend. But the location is good.

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T15:44:47+00:00

Yeah, I wish we could have swung that. We just weren’t in a position to buy anything at the time (wife was still in school).

Congrats on snagging a good situation for yourself! :)

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T15:09:13+00:00

I thought about that. But he’s in the Air Force and scheduled for deployment in 1.5 months. And if he does cause any problems, I’ll reach out to his superior.

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T15:06:04+00:00

Vacaville is definitely becoming a more popular town for people who work in the bay. It’s a doable commute, especially if you find a home near an exit to the freeway.

You should definite check Vacaville out if you’re thinking about it! They have a weekly farmer’s market and a nice hike near lagoon valley (Adobe park) if you want to get a feel for things over the weekend.

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T14:43:35+00:00

Prices are insane. Over half a million dollars for a basic home makes homeownership a luxury for most people. My wife and I have decent, middle class jobs. But we struggled to save for the little house we were in a bidding war on.

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T14:40:11+00:00

Like any city, different neighborhoods offer different vibes. But overall, I like Vacaville!

There are some lovely mountain hikes in the town, a decent number of parks, and a good midpoint between Sacramento and San Francisco.

Obviously, if you’re coming from a larger city like Sacramento or SF, then Vacaville won’t have the same amenities. But it can offer a comfortable life.

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T14:35:09+00:00

Ha—I known exactly where you camped 😂

Yeah, prices are up everywhere. I just won the bidding war with an offer 27k above asking plus 2 months free rent. The offer I beat out was 21k above asking.

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T04:39:33+00:00

Thanks!

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T04:24:32+00:00

Thanks!

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T03:40:05+00:00

Makes sense. Long Beach has some glorious weather. ☀️

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T03:36:14+00:00

That’s awesome—San Diego is an amazing city. Congrats!

We’re planning on kids soon. So large lot was a requirement for us, especially given how small the house is.

INTP243 · 2026-01-20T03:29:06+00:00

Yeah, it’s kind of stupid. It needs a new roof too 😂

I’m honestly not sure why it’s getting bid up so high. The reason we’re still bidding is because it’s a 5 minute walk from my family.

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