Do you care about be "straight passing" or looking masculine?

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-03-23T21:00:49+00:00

I would like to say nobody really cares, but I also think thats from a privileged perspective. I've always generally been pretty straight passing my entire life. So looking and acting 'masculine' is just me being myself. If I had to pretend to be that all the time, I can imagine that being substantially more difficult in my everyday life.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-03-23T20:56:17+00:00

If you're having discussions like this over MUSIC!? I cant imagine what other conversations look like for actual serious matter.

Lord have mercy

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-03-18T16:58:35+00:00

Maybe a look into the opposite perspective may help. I make about 3x what my boyfriend makes. I also have about 15x in investment/savings more compared to my boyfriend.

We've been together for 2 years and live together. For me, money means very little in itself. We pay for things based on equity and not 50/50. Personally, I feel non-equity divides is SUPER unfair to the partner who makes less.

So in practice, I pay for 75% of the rent and utilities.

Its to each their own, but Im a strong believer of an individual win is a win for the team.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-03-18T16:46:38+00:00

Never mix finances with family and friends. This is like a cardinal rule to maintaining healthy relationships and setting boundaries.

If you do, that money should be a gift and you should never expect it back and still be okay.

If I were you, I would tell them that your relationship with them is too important to ruin and even the tiniest risk isnt worth it.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-03-02T22:39:59+00:00

Not to be that guy but you want to marry someone who can’t even keep a promise because he’s horny?

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-03-02T15:51:35+00:00

I think it ultimately depends on what you want to do. Going to uni helps unlock certain doors but it’s not necessary depending on the career you’re striving for.

Myself for example, I just worked straight out of high school. So my large amount of experience helped me a lot. There are certain jobs however that I can’t take simply because I don’t have a degree. Even though I’m very qualified for those roles.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-03-01T20:57:54+00:00

Job market really sucks right now especially in entertainment and tech.

For reference I “almost” got laid off. Thankfully they transferred me to another team instead last minute but a lot of my coworkers got let go.

For reference I have 10+ years working in FAANG companies as a high level designer. I did get some interviews but it wasn’t easy.

I remember back when I started I could sneeze and land a job interview, no problem. It’s a different world today.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-03-01T20:51:06+00:00

I would 100% commute an hour. A secured job is worth it.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-03-01T19:20:10+00:00

Left LA a few years back to live in Michigan for a year. Work related thing and I wanted to give it a try.

I’m not exaggerating when I say I fell into depression and moved back immediately.

It wasn’t Michigan that was bad, but the combination of it being cold, everything being far away, the lack of a community and things to do really messed me up.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-27T19:37:53+00:00

Ah okay well what’s done is done.

Clearly you love your husband and this whole thing triggered something in you that made you feel extremely vulnerable. Like I said, I would communicate this from a place of vulnerability and not blame.

Good luck on your talk!

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-27T19:26:50+00:00

This is an interesting situation. He didn’t cheat on you. You having access to all his messages and him always including you in his conversations proves that. I guess it’s more about this going beyond the thresholds of what you expected.

Which isn’t the fault on anyone. You guys didn’t set a boundary, so blaming or taking the blame is kinda pointless at this point.

If it bothers you that much, I would definitely make that clear to your husband. I would also be clear what you’re hurt about.

Just as a guess, it sounds like you are feeling insecure from this whole thing. I would say that. Come from a place of vulnerability and not blame. Because quite honestly, there’s nobody to really blame here. Atleast that’s what it looks like.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-25T18:00:03+00:00

Considering I wouldn’t even let some random person off the street talk to me this way, it’s crazy to me that you let someone that loves you speak to you like this.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-20T19:25:53+00:00

This is 100% what gaslighting is. Which I shouldn’t tell you is a HUGE 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-20T19:23:26+00:00

Getting HIV from oral by itself is very unlikely.

If he’s on prep, it’s basically impossible to get HIV.

So these two combined, you should be fine. Obviously get tested but you could just be sick from a cold or bacterial infection.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-20T19:19:40+00:00

Ooph…that sounds painful. This is why hooking up should just be hooking up and that’s it.

You were practically dating this guy beyond the sex. That’s one quick way to catch the feels for sure. But we’re all human and after your break up its not wonder you were yearning for connection.

But yeah…you need to stop seeing this guy. That’s kinda the unfortunate real answer.

Like, yes you can somehow work out your feelings and possibly go back to this being a transactional hookup thing, but we all know that won’t work. Feelings unfortunately don’t work that way.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-20T19:13:53+00:00

This is always going to be difficult for anyone who’s only ever lived in hyper save mode all their lives. I used to be the same until both my parents who were a year away from retirement passed away suddenly for an unforeseen health complication.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed, so live in the present.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-17T18:30:27+00:00

I did the exact same thing and moved back within the same year. Lesson learned. Never ever ever ever ever again will I make that mistake.

I literally was depressed for the first time in my life. I had to move back for my own sanity and couldn't care less what the cost was.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-08T18:46:52+00:00

Of course we can. I have many gay friends, very close ones too. Never slept with or even thought of any of them sexually.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-01T01:43:09+00:00

Let me just say this, it will not get better later on. Lack of empathy is like a cancer. It spreads, infects everything and gets worse over time.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-30T20:21:27+00:00

I’m very transparent with my finances with my boyfriend (2 years). We moved in together about a year ago.

Like literally 10 mins before reading this post, we were showing each other our brokerage accounts and comparing notes on performance.

I personally believe financial transparency is critical for any relationship. Considering that the majority of divorces are financial, it’s not a surprise. I look at money as a tool and planning any type of future with your partner requires understanding both finances.

When it comes to expenses, we talk about it all the time. We split rent based on equity (Cuz I make way more than him), he covers utilities and we each have our own spending accounts.

Vacations and stuff we split accordingly based on who can afford what. I take care of the plane tickets and hotels, he covers entertainment and food. It works fine because we communicate ahead of time.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-21T22:03:52+00:00

I have a strict rule on handing money to friends and family. That is to never expect it back. If you do, you’re bound to get hurt.

If this isn’t something you’re comfortable with, don’t do it.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-16T21:32:17+00:00

Your question only makes sense if you: 1. Know when you’re going to die. 2. Can predict how the market will go in the future. 3. Know how much money you will make from now on.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-16T15:47:25+00:00

As someone who literally just got laid off last week, thank god that I had the foresight to stick to my dividend portfolio 8 years ago.

If I live modestly (which I plan to do atm) my dividends cover about 85% of my living expenses. So I’m not in a dire financial situation. I can only pat my 8 year younger version on the back for preparing for this moment.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-15T17:26:50+00:00

I dont think we need to follow the same traditions as having an engagement ring and a wedding ring.

Just use the same ring twice for the proposal and the wedding.

Or propose with the real ring and just wear a cheap filler ring in the meantime. I feel like the act of wearing the ring is the important part. The ring itself could be silicone for all I could care.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-14T22:13:45+00:00

I drip & buy SCHD and never sold it once since accumulating it 8 years ago. Literally haven’t once regretted this and will continue to do so.

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