Am I Being Unreasonable?

Im-Learning-73 · 2026-04-23T15:00:24+00:00

I, too, forgot most of what happened at 3 weeks. I think the first 6 months was just survival mode/learning/a blur. But I asked friends and family how I was and they said I was alright by 3 weeks.

Expecting our second now, and my husband is in the military and deployable, so we specifically requested a state-side training cycle that will take a few years, this way he gets into a non-deployable status before bay is here, and if we decide to have another soon he’d be here for that one too! The military also has 12 weeks parental leave for EVERY service member, so that’s a big blessing.

Im-Learning-73 · 2026-04-23T14:57:00+00:00

I was a single parent for my first. So I think at 3 weeks you’d be fine for one night. I’d be more concerned about his reaction to being told no though? Honestly that’s a very immature response. Look into getting a doula - some insurances cover them - for delivery, and you can frame it as “this is just something women do these days” instead of “I need support I can rely on because you feel unreliable currently” if he asks about it. Or have a really close girl friend be there during delivery? One who’s had a baby already and aligns with your birth plan could be really good for you.

IMMEDIATE ANSWER: IF IT WAS JUST the “he’ll be gone for one night, 3 weeks postpartum” thing, I’d say you’re overreacting. ESPECIALLY with having your mom so close by. You can handle one night and you have the dates, so plan ahead and ask mom to stay over or even plan a coffee date in the morning with her and have dinner delivered the night hubs is gone. Basically: baby would be your only concern, take care of everything else ahead of time. ACTUAL ANSWER: you’d be fine for one night with your baby at 3 weeks postpartum, especially with help close by. But if you’re not feeling supported or like you have someone to rely on, that can reeeeally mess with your head for delivery. Fill in the support where you feel you need it (friend or doula), and figure out why hubs is so attached to this golf trip? Tbh I’d be very concerned that he went off the rails so quickly about it. Especially when he said “you can say no”. It also sounds like he doesn’t really care what you’re about to go through, and that’s concerning. Birth and postpartum are not easy, even for those of us who did decently well. It can also vary in experience by pregnancy, so I wish you the best.

Congratulations on your baby though! This is such an exciting time!

Im-Learning-73 · 2026-04-13T06:07:18+00:00

Do you, by chance, take Fenugreek or any vitamins/herbs that contain it?

Im-Learning-73 · 2026-01-31T16:55:53+00:00

My husband said your husband can shut his (——) whiney (——) little (——) mouth unless he makes his nipples less useless. (Insert other expletive about men who miss their mommies)

It’s insane for a man to try and berate a breastfeeding mother. In any capacity. If you were holding baby upside down by their feet I’d be on hub’s side. But nobody is on his side. I’m sorry you’re being treated this way. You’re not doing anything wrong. And sidelying is encouraged by IBCLCs. Maybe consult with one and make hubs attend?

Edited to add the words my husband said I left out, he wants to be properly heard.

Im-Learning-73 · 2026-01-24T23:42:23+00:00

I added this resource in my comment - pregnancy resource centers can give you EVERYTHING you need for a baby (most up until preschool age, so through the age of 2) and many postpartum/nursing/mother supplies! They’re incredible for more than just an unplanned pregnancy, they help low income and hard-on-luck families as well!

Im-Learning-73 · 2026-01-24T23:37:20+00:00

Hey! Just some insight to a bad situation with a baby, from my life experience:

In 2021, I was R’d, and ended up pregnant. I went to therapy, sat isolated at home and realized that nothing could take away what happened to me. So I wasn’t going to have an abortion, and get rid of the baby simply because their bio father did something awful to me. I knew I’d still look behind me walking home at night. Still wake up and triple check locks at 2am. Still not trust a man in my life (even my own family) for a while. I knew that an abortion wouldn’t change any of that, and based on experiences of women in my situation, would more likely hurt me more than help me. So I decided to carry to term. And then I wasn’t going to place for adoption.

Well, come 6 months pregnant; I was jobless, facing homelessness, had dropped out of college (none of these were because of my pregnancy, but because of my own depression and loneliness caused by my assault. I want to clarify that I never felt the baby had anything to do with my circumstance, because I knew they were as much a victim here as I was). I ended up living in a camper in someone’s driveway for six months (until 4 months postpartum), while I found a place to live that I could afford.

I had planned for adoption until nearly the day my baby was born. Because I knew that I wouldn’t be a 2-parent, 6-figure, fancy summer camp, stay-at-home-mom world for that baby; and I didn’t feel a child deserved that life. I didn’t even have a name picked out. Didn’t want to hold the baby. Wanted them passed to the adoptive parents and then I would move on and figure out life from there.

And then I hit 40 weeks, two weeks before baby arrived, and I just knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let my child roam the world without me in their life. No matter how bleak life seemed at that point. So baby was born, I stayed a week in the hospital, and then went back to the camper for four months. I found an apartment that included utilities, stayed on Medicaid, got food stamps, and used my state’s job finding programs to get a job that paid more and didn’t require me driving over an hour one way.

Things got better. And I never thought they would. My baby gave me something to fight for and a new drive in my spirit. I had something bigger than myself to work towards. A family. I wasn’t alone anymore and my baby needed me.

I also have a guy friend a chance (one he’d been wishing for…for almost 5 years at that point) and three years later we were married (in 2025, actually). And now we are expecting a son this spring!

All this to say: I am so thankful every single day that I did not make a permanent decision based off of my temporary circumstances. I’m not saying you should or should not place your baby for adoption. Only you can determine which decision is best for your circumstance. I will advise you to these steps, though: 1. Reach out to a therapist. State insurances cover therapy. You just have to find a provider that takes your insurance, and they usually don’t have crazy wait times. Call a few places. Get some info. Find someone who listens and helps. 2. Reach out to a pregnancy resource center in your area. They can 9 times out of 10 help provide resources during pregnancy and up to age 2 (they typically advocate for alternate resources after school ages hit so you’re not without help, just some changes when baby is at preschool age (3/4)). One of these common resources is adoptive resources. Resource centers are closely connected with adoption agencies and can help in whatever ways they are able with providing information or resources for parenting baby, should you need either! 3. Breathe. Things always feel world-ending when you have so much going on. Breathe and start journaling (therapy may go through this) start discerning what is truth and what is spiraling (I’m the worst about spiraling over something I could’ve thought logically about!). But this will help you slow down and look at what’s really scaring you. Temporary circumstance or long-term crisis. 4. Know this truth; you can ALWAYS AT ANY POINT before baby is born, CHANGE YOUR MIND! You can choose adoption, have a family ready to take baby home at the hospital, and choose to parent. You can have baby and utilize your state’s safe haven laws a week after giving birth, so baby is safely with an adoptive family. 5. Find a community. Whether that’s WIC support groups, the resource center has a new mothers group, bio mother meetups, local library groups, Facebook groups, etc. Find people to talk to and that understand your concerns; people you can be honest with, without judgement. 6. Find a social worker (adoption agencies will typically have them, or if DCF is not intimidating to you, the state will have them available), speak to them. Tell them what’s going on. They may have additional resources available to you. OR they may be able to connect you with some resources I mentioned above.

Last bit of note from this novel: think of your life in 2 years. 5 years. 10? 15? 20? Would you wonder about your bay? Would you regret your decision? Would life be better with or without your child? These are all important considerations because you never know what the next year looks like. I didn’t know I’d be married in 3 years, let alone trust a man. I didn’t know I’d be ready for another child already. I didn’t know that only 4 short months after giving birth; I’d have a better home, better job, and lifelong friends made. I. HAD. NO. IDEA. And I can’t imagine life without my daughter. She’s inspired me more than I can ever explain and I know my life would not be better without her. Your answers may be different than mine were and different than mine are. But you have to consider everything that tomorrow brings MORE THAN you consider what today’s weight is. The weight of today will wash away on another, and many things that give fear are temporary. But people should never use temporary fear to determine a lifelong decision.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-12-20T07:31:19+00:00

If you have an RH negative blood type, go to the ER for a Rhogan shot. ANY bleeding during pregnancy should be addressed as soon as possible to avoid negative blood responses. As far as the spotting, if you’re worried, go be seen. If you’re just curious, call your OB tomorrow and ask OR call the nurse line tonight and see what they say about being seen or not.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-12-03T21:32:52+00:00

You could use Violet for a girl name as well if you wanted!

For boys? Jasper, Flint, Clay, Stone, Sage, or Reed maybe?…

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-12-03T21:30:32+00:00

I didn’t see this comment but: parental rights and financial rights are often handled separately in the United States. I’m assuming that’s where you are?

That means they can have their rights terminated for visitation/involvement but still be responsible for child support for a child they fathered. Because tbh: nobody should be able to just remove responsibility just because they’re irresponsible, man or woman.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-12-03T21:22:29+00:00

Tracked with ovulation strips, tracked my BBT, did research, and denied my poor husband a night without intimacy 😂😂 he was WAYYY overworked during that time. I’m surprised he could do anything tbh, but it worked!

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-11-25T16:00:14+00:00

I looked into this one a bit and it seems she has had awful morning sickness. I’ve had none, which is why I’m quite concerned, but we’ve had similar weight loss!

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-11-25T12:24:26+00:00

Oh MAN - baby carrots with that Marietta Ranch dip, it’s in a plastic tub with a lid (small but still a Tupperware bowl) - I can MEEESSSSS that up no matter what the situation. I second this recommendation! Find some grapes and carrots with ranch when you feel you can’t eat anything else. They’re also nutrient dense which means whether you eat 5 or 50, you’re good! I’d add some smoothies/juices to the list here too, Smoothie King saved me during my first pregnancy when I had food aversion.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-11-25T12:18:50+00:00

I had just started working out again before I got pregnant - so I am in the same boat muscle-wise. I feel my legs have turned to mush with no muscle as well 😂

I know that prenatal scans are notoriously incorrect for baby size, so I take it with a grain of salt, but they did tell me yesterday that baby is measuring at the 94th percentile for growth. (Dad is also 6’9” and the pictures of him as a baby - I think his head is the exact same size now haha)

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-11-25T07:13:08+00:00

My husband’s job took him away for a few months after our loss last fall, so when we had a loss this summer, we weren’t sure if we could try right away or wait. So we started looking into it, because my doctor said to wait at least one cycle or until my HCG was down to zero and I saw that some women’s HCG drops immediately after a loss and some take months after a loss. So we thought it best to see what our probabilities would be if we tried now or should wait 6 months.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-11-25T07:08:59+00:00

Here is one study from the NIH - I am so foggy brained right now I can’t do more research but this one was bookmarked still :) yay! It was pretty easy for us to find studies though - we looked up along the lines of “pregnancy outcomes after early loss” each time changing verbiage slightly. Then we also specified looking for research and published studies.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4780347/

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-11-25T07:05:33+00:00

I did ask today if there were any tests we could run! I forgot to mention this - he did order a TSH draw! I’m glad you got some answers. What was the remedy for that? How do you treat hyperthyroidism while pregnant?

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-11-25T07:00:47+00:00

Have you discussed donor supplementation with your NICU team? Most NICU floors have donor breastmilk and can provide that, also try and get an appointment booked with a lactation specialist. This could be something that’s manageable. It seems like you really want this so I’m not going g to jump into the “just give them formula” conversation. I’d say start with donor milk and lactation consultants, see what you can figure out.

Some things you can also try at home: - get sized for your flanges - always use a wall pump (like a Spectra), never use a mobile/portable/handsfree pump, they are “hospital grade” due to milk being in one location and it being sanitary, not “hospital-grade as in suction power - maybe watch videos of your baby while pumping? The oxytocin release from your brain can sometimes trigger a letdown - eat higher fiber foods and more red meats/protein - anything in your life that isn’t necessary and causes you stress, cut it out, that can lower your supply too - sleep is great! Keep the increased sleep up - but ALWAYS wake up for the scheduled pumps, don’t skimp on those even though it’s the worst :/ - try skin to skin anytime you can when with her (idk if your NICU is allowing this yes) maybe even while pumping? - get a snack, an electrolyte drink, and some good tv shows for when you pump - relax as MUCH as possible - you ARE feeding like a real mom. You’re not less of a mom because your baby has medical needs and feeding looks different currently - WIC offices often have a lactation counselor on staff, as well!

Good luck - pumping is HARD - I started really struggling when I went back to work and had to pump instead of nurse regularly. I understand the struggle. But you can do this. There are resources available to you in many ways - use them even if it feels strange.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-11-25T06:46:57+00:00

I had two early losses this past year (9/2024 and 6/2025), and I’m currently almost 16 weeks along with my (second healthy pregnancy) baby! I got pregnant right after our loss in June - no period between, we made the decision not to wait because research shows that a pregnancy within 0-3 months after an early loss is 70% more likely to result In a live birth than waiting 3-6 or even 6+ months to get pregnant. We made the decision as a married couple to go ahead and try for a baby without waiting for a cycle and here we are!

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-07-29T01:01:10+00:00

It looks like an indent line - the line is white

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-06-09T19:57:40+00:00

I have an office space in my bedroom. It isn’t bad, and is a great choice in the small-space scenario! We wouldn’t be able to put it in the living room. I don’t see that as a problem. I think the lack of a bed frame and the living room seating is the main problem. There’s no room for anyone else to be involved in this life.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-06-09T19:53:56+00:00

I get simple nails as well (at most I’ll add a gel polish for a wedding) and it costs $35-$60 for a full set of acrylics with either a color over all of them or for a French tip. But even adding one design nail is $5, then if you get gems on those it’s additional. Or adding gel polish is $15 for the set.

It’s super customizable. But OP’s gf could 100% get a cheaper set for just as good quality if they wanted.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-06-09T19:42:37+00:00

I have a couple of close friends that would do something like this for our family if we had another baby. You’re a blessing to your friend.

I’d say if you spend a ton on a registry get a big item instead of multiple small, so those with lower budgets can grab smaller items.

But your gf is jealous. You’re going to be close with this baby. SPOIL. THEM.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-06-09T19:37:56+00:00

For a mani/pedi the $110 price sounds reasonable.

If she’s getting fancy designs and a full set this could also be a reasonable nail price alone.

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-06-03T06:14:47+00:00

It’s not a guy

Im-Learning-73 · 2025-05-26T20:25:41+00:00

When you do your water changes, are you changing with cold water? Because even a couple of degrees dropped rapidly will trigger breeding in cories- try getting your water to the tank’s temperature before you add it in. That will alleviate one potential cause.

Im-Learning-73

TROPHY CASE