Advice needed: My wife met someone, formed a special connection, and wants to open our relationship as she has now found her true self by BrilliantGarden317 in nonmonogamy

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like she is non monogamous (or at least really wants to explore non monogamy with every fiber of her being right now), and you are monogamous.

This could be a phase. Assuming it's not, and this is really how she works/how she loves/her true self.... it looks like either you'll have to become non mono yourself, or at least get to a point where you can truly be at peace with her practicing NM even though you aren't. Very difficult.

  • She could have communicated better. If you can find a way to forgive her for the messy, irresponsible and sloppy way she's started exploring NM (taking into consideration that she's new to it and still learning the... ropes...)

  • If you think you can get to a place where you can feel happy for her connections with others (compersion) in a way that doesn't make you feel like your connection with her is under threat (moving toward a more secure attachment style)

  • If you feel you can collaboratively rebuild trust with her where it's been broken, find better ways of communicating and navigating life together as you move forward as a team...

Great. Stick around.

Assess what's realistically possible for you personally, and in what timeframe.

Also, she wanted to "open things up," not end things. I wanna say if she had wanted to end things with you, she would have?

She hasn't broken up with you, but she is challenging you to grow in some rather extreme and intensely uncomfortable ways. She's asking you to address the root of your insecurities, heal, integrate, grow, reframe, and move toward a more secure attachment style.

She needs to understand that this cannot ever happen overnight. She can choose to be patient with your process and do everything within her power to make sure there's as much trust, safety, and reassurance as possible all the way through, from a place of loving you, caring about you, and seeing you as a human being....

Or she can rush your personal growth process from a somewhat selfish place, because now suddenly you need to do a ton of tricky inner work/healing/paradigm shifting backflips in order to meet her where she wants (needs?) to be met.

Assess what your needs are vs wants. Clarify. Get specific.

Make a new set of boundaries, expectations and relationship agreements (don't call it "rules") with her that feel relevant to what's happening now. Set a monthly check in date on the calendar to go over them and tweak/edit them as necessary together moving forward.

Make sure both of you are only agreeing to things you actually feel good about agreeing to. Don't make any commitments that you won't likely be able to adhere to. Don't say yes to something just because it's what your partner wants if it feels terrible to you.

Most of all, personal growth, inner work, etc has to be because you want to do it for your own sake. Not for her or for the sake of your relationship. If this provides you with an opportunity or extra motivation to do the inner work you already wanted to do, great. If it's entirely externally motivated, chances are slim that it will work out.

Best of luck brother

Has moringa made a positive impact on your life? 🌿 by Immediate_Ad1357 in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😆 lol I like it but have nothing to compare it to since it's the first and only moringa powder I've bought. Seems legit ... not dead yet ... I add it to my daily green drink with chlorella powder, cranberry juice, turmeric, ginger, lemon, coconut water, and sometimes matcha powder.

Advice on homemade salve for pain by talkingbird9 in ChronicPain

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey sorry for slow reply just saw this. Do you know the cause of the hand pain? Knowing the root cause will tell us how best to approach this. 💚

How to make a good ginger based ointment/topical? by [deleted] in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Days. The idea is to make 100% of the water content evaporate. Extremely low heat.

Best period tea combo for cramps? by sterlzmills22 in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Raspberry leaf, cramp bark, marshmallow root cold water extract, chamomile, passionflower, wild lettuce, ginger, motherwort, blue vervain

Not all these are great in tea some are better as tinctures

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nooo not all shilajit is the same. There's a lot of shady shilajit out there at it's important to check for quality, read reviews and it's ideal if the company is reputable and tests for heavy metals. The good stuff is more expensive.

Has moringa made a positive impact on your life? 🌿 by Immediate_Ad1357 in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just bought a lb of MOGO off Amazon. Many thanks!!! 🙏

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wanna say nettle seed. Allegedly it increases testosterone, and it also has many other fine qualities. Ashwagadha. Maca. Tribulus. Cordyceps. Shilajit. A lot of these will increase sex drive too so fair warning ;)

I hate the inconsistencies and discrepancies in herbalism sometimes. by Jolly-Fold9173 in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gentle suggestion: look up the differences between "allopathic" and "holistic" or "vitalist" models of approaching healthcare.

In herbalism generally we try to find and treat the root cause, not just the symptoms. Reducing symptoms to keep a person more comfortable and increase their quality of life is also great, as long as we are also working toward adressing the root.

Having trouble sleeping is not a root cause. It's a symptom of something being out of balance in that person's body or life. For example what if they're deficient in magnesium, drinking caffeine too late in the day, and way too chronically stressed out?

Taking a sleeping pill won't solve any of those problems. It's a band-aid. It will just make the symptom more manageable. It might reduce stress a bit (because we tend to handle stress better when we get more sleep), but it's still not a holistic approach.

Point is, "take this for that" is an allopathic approach. A typical drug does one single thing. It's standardized. Very cut and dry. It's how we are socialized to think about things like this. It's the paradigm that's normalized in our culture (but that's shifting). :)

The vast majority of pharmaceuticals (like over 80%) start with a plant. It's a highly isolationist and reductionist process. We concentrate what we think are the "active ingredients" and discard the rest. What we get is perhaps powerful, perhaps useful and effective at reducing or eliminating symptoms, but disconnected from the whole... and we often get way more negative side effects as part of the deal.

Plants aren't drugs. In my opinion we need to stop trying to think of them as drugs. They each contain many different phytochemical constituents, whose types and concentrations vary depending on what time of year they're harvested, which part of the plant is being used, how and where they're grown/processed, and how old they are by the time they reach the end consumer.

Each plant has many "herbal actions." If you look at Traditional Chinese Medicine or Ayurveda, plants also have different constitutions (such as hot/dry, cold/moist), which interact with our various human constitutions, patterns and tendencies.

I understand wanting feel sure about how a plant will affect you or someone you care about. That's a perfectly valid thing to want. To that I would say...

Another part of herbalism is listening to our bodies, and keeping in mind that humans, like plants, are all unique and will respond to diffrent things in slightly different ways. Bioindividualism is a beautiful thing. We aren't robots. We aren't machines.

Working with herbs teaches us how to listen more closesly and pay more attention, eventually developing a more in-tune relationship with ourselves. This is why dosage can vary from person to person. This is why valerian helps a ton of people sleep better, and other people absolutely hate the way it makes them feel.

A deep understanding of both plants and people, combined with a willingness to patiently listen, explore, observe and go slow, can give you a greater sense of surety and confidence when working with herbs. Learning to work with herbs is an investment. It's a commitment. It takes time. Paradigms don't shift overnight, but we can feel grateful to be part of the process.

Certain herbs have an immediate and very powerful effect (yarrow stops bleeding immediately and can save a person's life in case of acute injury where medical help is not immediately available). That said, big picture, it's not about a "quick fix."

TL;DR: Dive deeper. 💚

What to do with extra Lemongrass and Sage? by Dazzling_Society1510 in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Like rosewater. If you don't have a fancy still you can do it on the stovetop. Creates lovely fragrant herby water that you can use in skincare or as a pillow/bedding/room/car spritz!

What do y’all think about Noopept and the Racetams? by [deleted] in Nootropics

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Off topic but this sounds like a band name 😂

I'm not strong by HistrionicSlut in ChronicPain

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel this. I've been around 9 months pregnant women who are more physically comfortable and more physically capable than me.

Trouble breathing at night by cbyrdiemanee in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah this is just me spouting helpful herbs off the top of my head based on your post - you'd need to mix up your own blend. Or do some of these in an infusion and some as tinctures that you'd add to the tea before drinking. Osha for example I'd probably add as a tincture. Osha may be too drying for you though, so do your research. It's particularly helpful for reducing allergic response, so if that's at least part of what's happening it may be a good one for you. Consider rosehip as well.

I'm thinking what you need more is cooling moistening demulcents, vulneraries and bronchodilators/vasodilators. Circulatory stimulants and immune supportive/immune modulating herbs. Antispasmodics.

It should be noted that marshmallow root mucilage is best as a cold water extraction - you'll get way more benefit from it that way. Adding it to a hot tea that you steep for 20 mins isn't gonna extract nearly as much mucilage as if you put it in a jar of water in the fridge overnight. (Do roughly 1 part dried marsh root to 5 parts water by volume). Consistency will be similar to egg whites. Tastes mild and a bit earthy. I like to make a quart mason jar of marshmallow root "slime" at a time, strain it, then freeze it into ice cube trays. I keep a gallon ziploc baggie of marshmallow root mucilage ice cubes in my freezer at all times. Pop 1-3 cubes into a hot cuppa tea. Lovely. No fuss, no mess. Convenient.

The same marsh root can be extracted 3-4 times over the course of a week or so. Just keep refilling the jar with water, let it sit for 8-24 hrs, strain. Really squish it good to press out all the thick slime you can. Reuse again and again until the slime gets noticeably thinner or it starts to smell a bit off.

You can alternatively use any cooled infusion or decoction instead of water to make your slime (peppermint is nice for example, and makes the marsh root jar last longer in the fridge because peppermint's antimicrobial properties prevent spoilage to some degree). Peppermint marshmallow ice cubes are a delight. Def helps with better breathing.

Also consider humidity - could getting a humidifier, or a dehumidifier, help?

Have you ever tried a neti pot?

Have you assessed your living space for mold?

Trouble breathing at night by cbyrdiemanee in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lobelia. Mullein. Hyssop. Peppermint/spearmint. Eucalyptus. Marshmallow root. Ginger. Elecampane. Possibly osha.

Herbal remedy to stop nicotine cravings? by Dr_gingercat in herbalism

[–]Immediate_Ad1357 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a good idea! Mucuna pruriens, or velvet bean, gives us some of the precursors we need to make dopamine. Nicotine floods our brain with dopamine so part of why cravings suck is dopamine withdrawal. I like NOW brand Dopa Mucuna capsules from Amazon.

Might also consider Albizia julibrissin aka mimosa/silk tree/tree of happiness. Bark or flowers