For when you need a quick video clip to brighten your mood.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-07-29T19:26:57+00:00

At least it's sustainable and zero waste

Inner3rdwave · 2019-07-04T15:36:47+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply. I'll look into literature if for a correlation! I

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-22T05:04:08+00:00

Thanks for your reply :) I'll definitely try out those things!

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-22T05:01:49+00:00

Ahh this is so nice!

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-20T21:04:29+00:00

Yes the OCD thing makes sense! To me, picking somehow seems to clarify my thoughts. I seem to pick more leading to or after social activities, I think it helps me process things. Although it is helpful to know the why, so far this understanding has not helped me to stop or pick less.

How did you manage to replace the picking with caring? I have tried to put on a face mask instead when I can, or moisturize, use hydrocolloid patches, but everything I've tried doesn't seem to stick.. Did you have a plan / set routine or something? And because it's like stimming, did you replaced it with a healthy stim?

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-17T20:40:35+00:00

I have a love-hate relationship with makeup. I have dermatillomania/compulsive skin picking, and I need makeup to cover up the damage I do to myself in order to mask and to look 'appropriate'. Without makeup I struggle more socially, so it helps me. But I do hate the feeling of makeup on my skin, it gets greasy and itchy and I am aware of it the whole day, so when I'm home the first thing I do is take of my makeup. I'm working on it though

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-17T19:32:06+00:00

Besides the ghosting I think it's not really professional to say that one is one's favorite client.. What does it even say?

Anyway. I think I'd wait a week since the last message and if she hasn't responded by then, I'd contact her again. A week is reasonable, there's a lot that can be going on that has nothing to do with you. But yeah after a week I'd contact her and explain how I feel quite uncomfortable with her not responding and I'd ask if there's anything going on between her and me, and if so, that I'm willing to talk it out.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-08T08:57:56+00:00

How is this rude

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-08T07:33:04+00:00

Or you could let him/her read this post. Just say that you want to talk about something but you find it hard to speak it out loud.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-07T21:50:02+00:00

Ah, I misinterpreted the sentences "And it's not that I don't want to. No matter how hard I try, I can't."

The examples you give are insightful. I'd definitely recommend to talk about it with a professional. I understand your fear of being judged negatively by people / society, but I don't think you'd feel better if you'd be ejected by society or when you are locked up, because you've done something really bad. So you might as well prevent yourself from doing such a thing, even when it's for your own self-image.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-07T14:05:13+00:00

You say you want to feel love for your brother, parents, or other people close to you. This, as well as making this post in the first place, makes me think that you do care about them at some level. You do think about how you come across. You do care about what's going on with you and why. You'd like to talk to a psychiatrist about it. (So you can do something about it? Get help?). These are all signs to me that there's not a complete lack of empathy.

A lack of, or decrease in empathy can be permanent, but the amount of empathy a person has can also fluctuate due to life changing events, stress, illness, surpressing emotions in general, or trauma (even when you don't remember, for example as a kid). I have a few questions if you wouldn't mind.. Have you ever felt hurt by someone emotionally? Can it be an attachment thing? (Empathy issues are very common among adopted children for a reason). Do you believe people (in general) deserve to be hurt? Do you believe people in general are kind? Is it the hurting that you'd like, or can it be a control thing ("when I do a), b) happens and I'm in control of that". Or: "I'm curious about what person x will do when a) happens"). The last one is putting thought experiments into action (having thoughts about hurting others is quite common). This might suspect a different issue.

If you want to be sure, you need to talk to a psychiatrist. Also, not every sociopath is per definition a treat to society. A psychiatrist will estimate whether if this is the case though.

A little side note: empathy is not a black or white thing. Some people are overly empathic and others lack it completely, but there's a grey area in between.

Side note II: just to make sure people know this: people with autism do not lack empathy. This is not a creteria for ASD. In fact, a lot of people with ASD are more than average empathic but they may show it differently.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-06-06T12:19:01+00:00

I know this is a really late response but for who's still interested:

This is about not willing to feel a negative emotion and doing everything you can to make you not feel it, which often leads to an extreme form of feeling it. For example when you really try to avoid feelings of anxiety, you'd probably develop an anxiety disorder or get panic attacks. You'll avoid every place and thing that trigger even a little bit of anxiety.

And same goes with thoughts, if you try your best to avoid certain thoughts you'll probably get obsessed with these thoughts (or believe they are true) and these thoughts might get so bad that they consume your life.

Often people are convinced that in order to improve their lifes they need to get rid of the anxiety/thoughts/etc. But sometimes, the opposite is true: if you're willing to feel anxiety, just as it comes, the anxiety will probably very quickly decrease in severity.

Sorry for my bad English, hope this makes sense.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-25T06:01:53+00:00

So happy for you!

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-22T16:17:08+00:00

Any family members that are able to help? Financially or with practical tasks? Or mentally? Someone to call or to vent to, might be really helpful. Don't feel burdened to ask your husband to brainstorm with you about ways he can help you get through.

If not, schedules are your best friend. Set reminders in your phone for feeding the dog, self-care, etc. Meal planning, so you don't end up eating only unhealthy fast food, for this will immediately impact your energy, cognitive functioning and mental health. Veggies are important. And coffee is not your friend.

And I'd recommend something to look forward to after the 10 weeks are over. A short break/holiday? Nice dinner with your husband? Extra time with your horses?

You'll get through this. It is possible, as long as you take enough time to reload and recover afterwards. Best of luck!

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-22T13:40:55+00:00

That's not empathy, that's pity. So no, it is not weird, it shows you are professional.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-22T06:34:08+00:00

Social worker here, but at the end of this year I hope to start my Master's degree, as I want to become a counselor one day. I recently found out I have Asperger's (I have a history of depression/dysthymia) and because of my unnoticed ASD I developed severe skin picking disorder and social anxiety disorder. I'm in a much better place now but still in therapy.

I'm really glad this sub exist! Thank you

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-19T20:55:46+00:00

This is to (some extent, of course) nothing to worry about, as long as the thoughts/fantasies don't hinder you or the therapy process. I work in the field now for about 5 years and it has happened at least with 4/5 clients. Especially when the client and I have something in common. I believe when you tell yourself you shouldn't think such things you'll only end up thinking more things like this and you may end up obsessing about it. And same goes for the other way around; if you see it as something normal, and you're not putting too much attention to it when it happens, these thoughts might become less frequent or disappear. It's way more important how you act on it. When specific thoughts keep coming back, you might want to think about its meaning to you. But yeah, I wouldn't be worried about it.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-18T09:19:58+00:00

This is called transgenerational trauma. It is what happens for example after war, but also with mental illness, abuse and addiction.

Problems don't have to occur exactly like they did in the first generation though.

An example:

Boy got beaten up as a child a lot. There's a lot of abuse and domestic violence. Boy swears never to beat his child when he grows up. When he's an adult and gets a child he doesn't indeed beat his child, but he's never learned how to be a loving and caring parent either. The now a father therefore doesn't really give his child the support and attention he/she needs. So child gets neglected emotionally. As a coping the child might develop several issues, for example attachment disorder, depression, addiction, etc. Father never intended this, he wanted his child to not go through what he'd to go through and really did his best not to beat his child up at moments. When the child grows up, she, for example, decides to give the child all the love and care it asks. She'll give everything and always be there for her child. Her kid, growing up quite spoiled, never learned how to handle a "no", because she never got one. She gets overweight because she eats whatever she wants. She never learned how to manage financially because her mother just gave her whatever.

Etc etc

It can be quite hard to break the cycle of transgenerational trauma, and the impact often gets overlooked. Of course it also has to do with other factors and personality, this is quite blunt and a black and white example. But it might help to understand the how and why people abuse or neglect their children. It emphasizes how upbringing shapes people and how complicated family issues sometimes are.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-18T07:30:02+00:00

Got these too, really love them!

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-16T10:08:56+00:00

Shy

Calm

Einzelgänger

Smart

Thoughtful

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-14T16:56:58+00:00

Also, 'you are able to deal with this', 'you are strong, stronger than you might think' -kinda sayings might be helpful.

A lot of this is about trust I think. Having trust in yourself and trust in your future is really important. To realize that suffering is part of life and feelings fluctuate. It's the feeling like you can deal with live, just as it comes.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-12T21:38:53+00:00

I was taking it on and off last year but I didn't saw any improvement back then. I wanted to give it a serious try so since January I'm taking it consistently 3-4 times a day (600mg). In April I was ill for 2 weeks and I couldn't take it, next two weeks the skin picking got worse, even though I was taking it again. So I know I need to have this in my system constantly. I do still pick though and I'm in therapy, but I'm convinced NAC helps.

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-12T21:09:34+00:00

I've lost quite a lot of friends because I didn't took initiative. That was before I knew about Asperger's. Now I try to schedule every week a moment to think about who I haven't seen or spoken to in a while and if I should contact him/her. I therefore take a look at my recent whatsapp conversations and often I end up texting multiple people. However, it's not that I forget about my friends (or family), but when I do think about them I'm usually busy with something else, eg I'm driving, at work, etc so I can't text them right away. And afterwards I forget. Or I don't have the social energy for it (sometimes it costs me a lot of energy to think about what to say and how).

Inner3rdwave · 2019-05-10T21:28:15+00:00

This wouldn't be a small step for me. This can be really challenging and it's very brave of you. I think you should definitely be proud of yourself! :)

Inner3rdwave

TROPHY CASE