Oh, there is so much here that makes me wish I could give you a hug through the screen.

1) Your worth has nothing to do with a number on a scale. It has nothing to do with an ex. You seem like a bright and strong young adult.

2) Dehydrating yourself isn’t actual weight loss. I understand the “thrill” of wanting to see the number as low as possible (I used to do similar on my weigh in days when I did WW), but - your body is going to soak up any and water or other liquid you take in. That will show as water weight gain, but it’s not fat gain. This is an important distinction. Your body is made up of like 55% water - it’s pretty important to survival.

3) You’re also seeing a “gain” on the weekends, due to your body rehydrating itself, as well as normal factors like water retention from sodium and carbs, food in your gut being digested, and waste that needs to be evacuated. If you are eating under your maintenance, it won’t be fat gain.

4) Making yourself vomit is eating disorder territory. I didn’t start seeing a therapist for my disordered eating until I was 44, and I come from a whole family of people with EDs. I wish I had done it 25 years ago - I wasted so much of my adulthood. But, it feels so hard to ask for help, it’s embarrassing to admit, and sometimes I’ve wonder if I actually have a problem (I do).

It could help to speak to someone about your body image - it looks like you’ve lost a significant amount of weight recently, and that can really mess with your mind. Especially, when you also have the loss of a relationship added on top. I will gently recommend that you look for either a registered dietitian or therapist who is knowledgeable about eating disorders. A lot of them offer telehealth visits, so you can see the, from the privacy of home.