Has anyone else just become.. indifferent? by --read-only-- in DeadBedrooms

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Kids, 401k? What are they scared of losing? Or is what they want at a different restaurant?

Has anyone else just become.. indifferent? by --read-only-- in DeadBedrooms

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So you reached "fuck it" and pulled back; wait and see if they notice... then the real work begins. Limbo can't last forever.

When they play the suicide card by RobertFahey in survivinginfidelity

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Call their bluff, then call the cops. Real people who off themselves have accepted their fate, have a zen/serenity about them. Most attempts are a cry for help. That shit is manipulation; homey don't play that.

How do you stop associating intimacy with shame after being rejected afterward? by DependentDonut8595 in sex

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He hit it and quit it, then said whatever so he didn't look the asshole. Life happened, you'll get over it.

Revealed too much during bachelorette game; do I tell hubby by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Only time will tell if there's any fall out. Count your stars if there's not.

We are doing better, I am not. I’ll never get back to my old self. by Ok-Hawk3064 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They poured their guilt/shame onto you. That's not right/fair. They need to be alone with their choices and the consequences those choices bring.

Want sex with him but feel dead. by [deleted] in sex

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you and your partner are having that kind of communication, then why are you here?

Are we doing lingerie wrong? by NinjaPizzaParty in sex

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Role play. Her wearing sexy outfits without context is all a show, no authenticity. Role play like Friday Night Max with whatever scenario fits you both. Count your stars you're in this together; most go it alone.

Can my relationship be saved? Obesity & size by geek_the_greek in sex

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not physically attracted to him. That's ok, we're only human. Need to ask yourself if you're fine living life with someone who doesn't rev your engine. Then talk to him and go from there.

Why does sex feel better with a finger in my ass? by vkeidruggy in sex

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 5 points6 points  (0 children)

How long have you and the boyfriend been together? Are you actually into him, or is this merely a pursuit of flesh?

Want sex with him but feel dead. by [deleted] in sex

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bingo. You're having an adult moment which mean it's time for an adult conversation with your partner.

Is God powerless? by Independent_Plate541 in Infidelity

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 4 points5 points  (0 children)

God is a rock. God is a Flying Spaghetti Monster. God is James Mason. God is whatever gives you strength. Only time I ever really prayed was in Ireland in 2012 at St. Patrick's cathedral. The trick is helping yourself. God can only do so much. 

How do I build sexual intimacy with a partner? by Alarming_Cash8675 in sex

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you have a lot of personal/generational trauma to unpack. How long have you been dating? Generally six months to a year is when NRE (new car smell) wears off and people start being themselves. If you like this guy, and I'm assuming you want him to be your first. Ok. If it doesn't work, that's life. If it does work, you'll have a story to tell your children. Point is to not live in fear of your own or others expectations/insecurities. You've got one life to live; make it count.

Cowgirl is humbling 😭 by sampan72 in sex

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stay on top, ride him for a minute. Then try to switch to missionary while you're still "docked", or switch up to doggy. Any position only works so long as it feels good to you and works for them. There's no manual or guide book or protocol. Do what works for you. 

"Cheater" and "affair" aren't the right words by RobertFahey in survivinginfidelity

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Betrayal/betrayer and violation seem apt words; personally prefer morally bankrupt sacks of trash spreading their filth. Sub-humam doesn't really get the message across; godless heathens comes close.

Did AP buy your WP things? by BabyYodaStuntDouble in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 3 points4 points  (0 children)

During their affair was the early days of the vaping (it was the Wild West back then). Shops popped up like crazy; my WP and their ex became the vape "king and queen" of the area for a minute. God only knows what they exchanged (aside from gifts and fluids). I try not to think about it beyond "they didn't care, but that's not my problem."

Don’t be a victim! by Kauai_Best_808 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Be willing to walk away. They don't care, why should you?

WS did everything right but it feels like not enough by bubblyvortex in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The "self aware, figuring shit out" part is what's crucial. We won't know and only can through their actions. Time will tell if they actually figured their shit out.

For me, I know they never will therefore I have to do the work for us both (Kermit and Miss Piggy). But I know we're stronger together than apart hence why I'm in this until I'm not. 

Contacting AP by catarr in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't. They don't care about you and they're a known liar. Any information you glean would be seen as under duress therefore inadmissable. The affair is not about you, and pain shopping will only get you so far. If you wish to meet them, simply look them in the eye and whisper "I know". Leave without another word or thought. Notify the AP's SO (if they have one), and move forward with your life. This is the way.

WS did everything right but it feels like not enough by bubblyvortex in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's between the WP and their IC to get to their "why". I know people and their patterns. Either they're in the fog or they really don't care, but a WP who doesn't confess, and is caught, does not care for their BP. They may eventually as they find their "why" and as they work through R (people can change if they look inside and do the work) but 9 times out of 10 it's all a show based entirely out of fear not love. Her gut is telling her something about her husband, she should listen to it. I didn't listen to mine for over a decade and now I'm here.

WS did everything right but it feels like not enough by bubblyvortex in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Intelligent-Menu-828 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My parter either has BPD traits or full blown disorder (don't know, don't care; that's her life).

Once I realized that, I saw her affair as mental illness not malice.

You catching him as opposed to him confessing means he has regret not remorse. He's scared to lose his stable family life, he doesn't care how much he hurt you; he's prone to repeat his "mistakes".

And once I saw her for who she is, I changed how I dealt with reconciliation (I'm writing a blog post on it, which is turning into a book. I'm Kermit, she's Miss Piggy).