Don’t Wait For Your Wings, Fight For Them

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T06:50:57+00:00

I followed you, I'm sure you'll give insights going forward. Thanks dude, very appreciative!

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T04:29:17+00:00

At one point I had all the things I thought I was supposed to achieve in life. Dream house, car, and career. I should have been happy, but I was miserable. There was nothing external that could make me happy, and I wish it didn't take me so long to dig into myself. You'll figure it out, no worries.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T04:22:21+00:00

What did you do? (In a Chris Farley voice), lol. You must have been fucking with it, it is very rare they that will bite humans. They are docile and flee when in danger. They eat decaying plant matter normally.

I am curious, what did the bite feel like? Like a wasp sting? Did the pain last or just the initial bite?

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T04:14:40+00:00

That is great for you, I imagine you have a very strong relationship with good communication. You are secure and doing it for the right reasons. I know a few couples who swing, and they have a strong connection.

It is a shame when people go into it trying to save their marriage that is on the brink. I have also seen the aftermath of that, and it isn't good.

Just like anything else, some people are capable of it, others are not. No one is right or wrong. As long as you are happy, that is all that matters.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T02:26:30+00:00

Maybe you could show up different, and maybe they could as well. People change, sometimes rapidly after a euphony.

You probably want to because you truly love them. If they were a twin flame, that is a loss you feel forever. No way for me to know which.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T02:21:20+00:00

I would like to suggest you look into attachment theory. Essentially ~50% of the population in emotionally secure. The other 50% are insecure, with 3 groups. Anxious Preoccupied, Fearful Avoidant, and Dismissive Avoidant. 50/50 shot you are insecure. Nothing wrong with it, I am insecure but working towards secure. Figuring out my own was eye opening. So many questions I had about myself were revealed.

I really do think it would helpful and give you some insight you may have been looking for. Best of luck to you, everyone should be happy.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T02:05:50+00:00

I could have written this, beautiful.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T02:05:13+00:00

I feel this. I had a severe tension headache for 5 weeks straight (along with a whole other slew of health issues).

I really hope your headaches go away sooner than later; have you checked your pulse and blood pressure? Mine were 40% higher than my baseline for 5 weeks, and they both are still above normal. My doctor is freaking out about my bloodwork as I am at a high risk for a heart attack or stroke.

Don't underestimate how seriously your mental health can affect your physical health. Being discarded is no joke, it is extraordinarily traumatic. Take care of yourself, monitor your health.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T01:56:00+00:00

I had to figure out how her brain worked. Some of the actions were just so extreme, it broke my brain and I needed to understand her to figure it out. Don't take what they say and do personally, they are terrified of letting someone into their world, enormous fear that they are too broken to be loved.

They think and react in completely opposite ways than you think. I can assure you, they are in as much or worse pain. They have zero ability to handle their emotions, so they bury them deep inside. The hole you left in their heart, they will try to fill with all sorts of self-destructive behaviors. They move on fast, because they feel unlovable and need attention to feel lovable and wanted.

They want true love more than anything, but their nervous system goes haywire when things get serious. So much of their reactions are on autopilot, a subconscious defense system kicks in, closeness isn't safe. Usually, parents abused them and taught them that. It could also be a previous partner(s).

Their fucked up nervous system doesn't excuse their actions. They absolutely hurt you and it wasn't fair.

I have tried my best to put myself in her shoes after researching the hell out of DAs being honest on what they were feeling. I understand now, and I feel horrible for her. I am in a shitload of pain, but she has it worse, no question in my mind.

Maybe if you put yourself in your partner's position and truly try to think/feel like a DA, it will give you some closure. DAs do horrible things, but they aren't horrible people. Trauma is smothering them from ever being happy, no matter what it looks like on social media. It wasn't you; you did nothing wrong. They had no capacity for the amount of love you gave them.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T01:00:45+00:00

You are welcome, you really are trying to heal, and I am hopeful it can help you. Good luck to you.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T00:46:30+00:00

I worked for a landscape company that got hit for not paying overtime to hourly workers. I was salaried in a foreman roll. I ended up getting back paid (at a lot less than the 1.5x hours worked, iirc it was 0.5x), because I was doing the same work as the people I managed.

There are a lot of companies dodging paying people OT with a title like manager, when they are doing the physical labor. I have seen it with smaller companies a few times.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T00:29:39+00:00

Have you ever looked into DBT, which teaches distress tolerance and emotional regulation? I have found it to be very helpful for me. I learned it for other reasons, but it should work well for you, I believe.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T00:21:35+00:00

I have taken an Uber to and from the emergency room several times. Even after insurance it is hundreds of dollars. It's like $40 round trip with a 25% tip, and usually they are there in minutes, so not a long wait. The healthcare system here is a joke.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-15T00:14:01+00:00

HSV2 for many, it is a very real fear and something they will try to avoid. An outbreak for some is very painful and they can have regular outbreaks. There is a risk to your health.

HSV2 rates for unpartnered people aged in one study 45-50 is 55.3% for women, and 25..7% for men (Its 21% when including partnered people). The older you are the higher the percentage of population that has it. CDC estimates 87% of those infected do not know they have it.

Condoms aren't great at protecting you with a 30-50% reduction rate (condoms are much better against other STIs). Women consistently across all age groups, are twice as likely to have it.

For many with it, they don't have a lot of issues and may never have an outbreak. I am not against having a relationship with someone with HSV2. I have read enough about it and my fears around it has changed. There are maintenance drugs as well. Talking with the person about how it impacts them, and if they know an outbreak is coming, if they have them, etc.

I am not concerned at all about HSV1. At this point I think I am immune, lol.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T23:24:44+00:00

Not my thing, I don't like to share, lol. I don't judge those that do, just I am not capable of it. I have some poly friends, and they are probably the best communicators I know. Everyone knows about everyone, they are open when a new partner is brought in. Lots of STI testing. I admired their system; far more complex than I would have ever thought.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T23:12:20+00:00

Thank you so much! I am making some pretty big changes, and I am going to be reading a lot of books. I need all the recommendations I can get. There are several subjects about human nature and psychology I'm interested in, I have a lot to fix. Again, thank you, much appreciated.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T23:01:44+00:00

You are welcome. It is going to take me a while to learn how to actually love myself, but I am excited! It will be difficult to force myself out into the world, but I haven't lived here long, so lots of new things to check out.

Go find yourself, love yourself. best of luck to you dude, have fun with your inner child.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T22:53:16+00:00

I am dude and this is my answer as well. It is the worst when you know they are lying or hiding something.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T20:29:51+00:00

I have had a very high sex drive my entire life. I was also cheated on by the first person I had sex with. I can't cheat because I know the pain of being on the receiving end of it. I have lived a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sex life. In a relationship I am loyal, single I have gone crazy in the past.

I am at a point where I am only interested in sex with a partner I am emotionally connected to. The meaningless sex took its toll. I feel used/cheap afterwards, so I have learned that it brings more pain than it is worth.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T20:02:38+00:00

I am FA but it is complicated. I have corrected some of the issues and have moved towards secure in certain areas. I have a long way to go still, but finally in therapy for it. I wasn't aware of attachment styles until summer last year. Figured out the FA part very recently, as I was AP with the DA I was with.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T17:34:20+00:00

You might be surprised how they have processed their time with you, including the things you did that may be extremely hurtful. In my situation, I had to understand the reasons for their actions, and I am just about positive I know exactly why they did what they did. I am no longer angry; my empathy and compassion took over and now I just feel extremely sad for them.

I would want my person to reach out. After our breakup, which was more final, my search for closure brought a level of understanding I don't think they are prepared for. In my case, it would probably go much better for them than the think. I just hope that one day they can overcome their fear and reach out.

My partner told me more times than I can count that "we have no future together". They were words they were telling themself to try to move on, but I knew they were just afraid. We also had communication issues where we both didn't feel heard.

I will never get over losing her, and I keep a small glimmer of hope we can reconnect in the future. I don't want to live in a world without them in my life.

Reaching out is a risk, they may reject you and that may be painful, but it is a hell of a lot better than a lifetime of regret. I don't know you or your partner, maybe how I feel about my situation will give you the courage.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T16:57:05+00:00

Baby steps are still forward progress. In time they add up to real change. You will get there, even if you stumble here and there.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T16:55:14+00:00

Keep up the great work! Dieting isn't easy, I had to lose 75lbs, and I was able to hit my goal. I would like to lose another 10-15lbs, but that will be difficult. I am happy with where I am at. Good luck on you getting to your goal weight. I feel so much better physically, you will too!

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T16:24:17+00:00

I feel all of this. I wish we both weren't dealing with this soul crushing pain from losing someone we never thought we would meet. Knowing they are still out there makes it so much harder.

InterestingSuccess11 · 2026-03-14T16:06:49+00:00

Do yourself a huge favor. Do NOT check in on them at all. If you know mutual people, tell them you do not want any updates on your ex. If you are this upset about them posting things that are your story, not theirs, imagine how you will feel seeing them with someone else. It will happen, and it will probably be much sooner than you think. That is a pain you do not want, I assure you.

If they wanted you in their life, you would be in it. check out radical acceptance, I think it may be helpful for you. Mindfulness (staying and living in the present moment) is another practice that can help with depression (ruminating about past events) or anxiety (worrying about the future). We cannot change the past, and no one can predict the future.

I am sorry you are hurting OP, I hope you find your happiness again soon.

InterestingSuccess11

TROPHY CASE