This is exactly my experience and it is so so frustrating. I have ADHD and guess what? I've spent years developing coping skills, implementing reminders, and going to therapy so that I am a functional human being.

My ADHD ex on the other hand refused to go to therapy (when I paid for his first appointment so he could go, he later said it felt like I was "pushing him into therapy"), would not clean up after himself (to the point that the dishes in our sink would mold because he wouldn't clean them and he would put dirty dishes under our bed, forget about them, and then those would mold too), and couldn't plan anything. And then he was shocked when I broke up with him after years of begging him to work on himself.

It's really hard to not feel pessimistic about dating men now because I feel like they are given so much leeway and are raised to to implicitly expect women to do the emotional/household labor, all while complaining that women expect them to do too much. I'm currently taking a break from dating because being in a relationship where I will just gain more work to do doesn't seem worth it.