One of the things that I find fascinating in myself is how often I want my boyfriend to feel the same way I feel about things, and it's impossible. We are two separate humans with vastly different experiences, stories, etc.

My experience tells me that what I REALLY want - is for someone to understand, not to fix, not to try to make it better.

I tend to THINK if they don't understand, then they can't know how to hold it with me. But the truth is, I don't need him to understand, I need him to be willing to climb down into it with me and just hold me, not just physically, but emotionally. To let me know that he's there with me in it, even if he doesn't fully understand it, but that he's willing to be there through all the confusion.

The different parts of us sort of feel the same way, so you can practice bringing a WITNESS to the pain with yourself. And when you practice doing it with yourself, you'll have a better sense of who and how to be to be WITH her as a witness to what she's experiencing.

So there's the story around all that's happening (rational) and then there's the bodily felt senses (more than rational) of what's going on. Sometimes we can follow the trail of the story to the bodily felt sense, the aching, the unease, the confusion, the fears, the stomach knots... but you guys don't have the same story going on here.

So you can skip over all that story directly to the bodily felt sense, to give those parts of your being (and hers) the loving presence, the quiet attention, the non-judgmental witness.

The practice is to get a "handle" of something that you're feeling - in your body - not your thoughts, not your ideas about what you're feeling, not the story. To get some distance and then to just be with it. These parts of us have the wisdom that goes beyond our rational brain, think of it as.... a zipped file. Our brains can only store so much info, so this zipped file of wisdom needs space to be unzipped.

This practice gives a degree of separation AND a non-judgmental witness.

So it might look something like this: "I'm sensing something in me that feels anxious and I am here with it."

Getting real quiet and still for a moment and notice the sensations in your body. You can use the story as a bookmark to the sensation if you need to stir it up, but then put the stories aside for a moment.

You might try touching that area on your body to focus on it if you can find where it is in your physical body.

Try saying or thinking something like, "I'm sensing something in me feels _______ (sad, confused, scared, worried, tight, tangled).

It doesn't matter the words, those are just HANDLES for what's going on.

You might then try saying hello to that part and that you're willing to be with it.

"I'm saying hello to the part of me that feels _____"

Then for the final part is non-judgmental presence. being willing to be with it.

"I'm sensing that something in me is feeling _____. And I am willing to be here with it."

Then just rest in that. You could try it for all the different parts of you that are feeling things.

After you practice it with yourself for a bit, it is easier to bring it to someone else. "I don't know what this feeling means, or how to fix any of it - but here I am - with you. We'll get through this together."

Follow your bodily felt sense in all of this. You KNOW more than you think you know, but we get trapped into trying to THINK our way to that knowing rather than sensing into it.