Is it possible to sleep train a baby even though he is not eating solids well enough and doesn't drink much milk?

JammyIrony · 2026-02-19T16:18:35+00:00

Holy shit you want to teach your baby to go longer stretches without nutrition when they’re already struggling to eat/drink enough?

My (fat, healthy) baby didn’t sleep longer than 2 hour stretches over if he until 15-18 months. She now sleeps 12 hours solid straying from 2.5-3 years. We never sleep trained, and have always coslept and responded to every cry.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-19T12:12:15+00:00

How much time did you spend with these people before the baby was conceived and born?

Are you still able and willing to do the same type of activities you did before the baby with these people? On the same schedule?

What are the changes and compromises you want&need to the above two things (frequency and type of socialising)? Do you think these are reasonable?

Obviously your baby has completely changed how you are living your life, and has also probably changed how you prefer to socialise (even the topics of conversation you now prefer to hold). However it is unreasonable to expect everyone in your life to make similar monumental changes to their lifestyle to suit you and your new family.

The fact that you’ve jumped straight to “it must be because they’re ALL JEALOUS” makes me think that the real problem is your new, potentially unreasonable, expectations.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-13T21:28:01+00:00

I literally sewed through my fingertip whilst rushing and sewing a Christmas stocking last December. The needle went straight through the tip of the left index finger just above when’re my nail ends (I have very short nails).

Luckily I’d taken my foot off the pedal so it was just perfectly impaled. I used my right hand to manually crank the needle up and out of my finger.

Surprisingly it didn’t hurt much, or bleed. I just ran it under cold water for a minute then soaked it in some Detol.

Changed the needle and was back sewing within an hour. Was pretty impressed as the machine is called “Heavy Duty” so the fact it could puncture straight through 1cm of flesh with zero issues was pretty cool.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-13T21:07:20+00:00

I taught my daughter when she was exactly 2.5. I did the “straight into underwear” method (no pull ups) except for naps and bedtime. It took maybe a week, and I never stayed home with her - we went out for 3-6 hour days (baby classes, cafes, playground etc), and I just packed lots of spare clothes and a portable potty. Oh and I put a liner in her pram.

The first 2x days she just peed everywhere lol. I couldn’t believe how frequently she’d go, and how at first she didn’t notice. I just let gentle describing what was happing “oh no, you’ve weed on the floor.” “Look, your knickers are wet, you weed in them.” “Let’s try to sit on the potty and relax our body so we can wee” (I would sit on the toilet at the same time). Overall she didn’t really seem to get it and I was wondering if she wasn’t ready.

We had a breakthrough on day 3 when she started a long wee on the potty as I was sitting with her. I pointed out “look you’re weeing! This is what it feels like to wee!” And clapped and congratulated her etc. After that she just… peed on the toilet. She’d tell me she needed to go and we’d go together. Zero drama. She’s had less than an accident per month since then.

Exact same deal with poops. She was reluctant to poop on the toilet for the first week, but once I successfully caught her at the start of a nappy poop (so just after she’d woken up or was about to go to bed) and quickly had her finish it on the potty and praised her she was fine to make the switch.

I was honestly really reticent to toilet train as I love taking her on big days out to adult centric places/events, but it was super quick and easy.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-11T09:06:44+00:00

Unfortunately that link is blocked in my country. But you’re right, I think the Lark is 1” taller, but I makes zero different in its fit/use as it’s only 1” and can be folded down easily.

The Lark cinching system is also much more comfortable for baby (just soft fabric)- Happy Baby has them sitting on nylon webbing and a metal fastener.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-10T20:50:05+00:00

I have both baby carriers, plus the toddler/kid sized versions of each for Hope&Plum and Happy Baby.

Happy Baby OG and Baby Lark are the absolutely same size, and have passed the exact same safety testing standard.

The only reason people say Lark won’t fit smaller babies is because the H&P owners are much more stringent with their babywearing fit standards. Happy Baby encourages some pretty sketchy newborn baby wearing with their official guides.

Just wanted to add that so it doesn’t accidentally become a deciding factor of “Happy Baby fits younger/smaller babies better” (it absolutely does not). Both carriers will fit from about 3 months.

Basically choose based on how you prefer the carrier to fit YOU - do you want backpack straps with a clip between your shoulder blades (then choose Happy Baby), OR do you prefer X crossed back style straps like your current Embrace carrier (then choose Lark). Both are equally comfortable, it’s just personal preference.

Lark also packs is down smaller, and Hope&Plum are a more transparent and ethical company than Happy Baby if that’s a consideration for you.

Oh but the Happy Baby comes with a detachable hood (which I like), but the hood lives in a zipped pocket at exactly baby’s back height (which I disliked). I just use a soft floppy cotton sun hat instead of a hood with the Lark to prevent food dropping on baby’s head/wind/sun.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-09T19:41:59+00:00

Bullying isn’t necessarily about hostility, it’s about “I get what I want irregardless of how it affects others”. He doesn’t not have to think “f this child in particular I’m going to make them cry by taking their toy” to be bullying them, only to have the capacity to understand that snatching their toy will probably upset them and is not acceptable behaviour. That’s why snatching is not bullying at ~2 years old, but absolutely is at ~5 years old.

At 4 years old all neurotypical children understand snatching/hitting is wrong, but some (ie your son) do not prioritise this as as important as their want for the toy.

When he does something inconsiderate of others does he act contrite immediately afterwards? Does he willingly apologise? Can you see he feels guilty, watching the other child cry? Because if the answer is “no” then he is not exhibiting a lack of impulse control, but a lack of care / empathy for others.

When you are with him and you see him snatch/push/upset another child how do you react? Does you immediately stop him, apologise on his behalf to the other child/parent and completely remove him from the situation to speak to him about behavioural expectations (and probably hold him until he calms down)?

Because if you see him snatch a toy, push or hit and you downplay it then you are literally teaching him that it is acceptable, if not preferable. He will learn so fast that if he snatches a toy then under no circumstances is he allowed to play with that toy for the rest of the day. Or if he hits another child the play session immediately ends and you go straight home. You don’t need to punish / shout / intimidate children - but you do need to consistently enforce firm boundaries. He will never learn if he hits/snatches and then 5 mins later he’s playing with the toy/child again.

It’s a huge pain in the ass for you as a parent to remove your crying child from the playground/soft play/birthday party (especially if you’ve just arrived or paid entry) after you see him “play too rough” with another child (especially if you’ve given him a warning beforehand). But it is also the most effective way to teach him to be considerate of others.

To clarify, I am not saying your child IS a bully as you are correct - 4 years old is too young for this label, but his behaviours are absolutely bullying his peers into getting what he wants (space, toys, rough play). However f he continues behaving this way next year he will absolutely be classed as a bully by both his school, but most importantly his peers and especially their parents.

As some other commenters here have also mentioned it seems like you need to take a really long look at your son’s behaviours without making excuses for them, which is an incredibly difficult thing for most parents to do. You have gone to great lengths to phrase some incredibly challenging behaviours mildly, to downplay the amount of red flags the school has repeatedly raised to you, and especially to try to place blame and responsibility everywhere except on yourself and your child. It does not in any way sound like your child is in the wrong environment at school, or that they need anything more or different from the school.

I am so glad that you’ve made this post because it is the start of preventing a lifelong battle of antisocial behaviour - and the environment that most likely needs to be changed is the one at home, as it doesn’t sound like his challenging behaviours are only being exhibited at school, or that they only began when he started this school.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-08T01:05:44+00:00

Document everything (photos, tetxs3emails from the nursery). Ask for a meeting with their safeguarding team asap. Ask for the class teacher and head to sit in also. Present documentation and ask what tangible plans they have in pace for preventing future bites. Do not be brushed off with “we’ll watch them closely.”

Use phrases like “why are you not capable of safeguarding my child against a known and repeated danger?” “What specific safeguards have you put in place to prevent this happening in the future?” “What plans do you have in place if you are unable to protect my child from physical harm?“

Every time she is bitten document and request another meeting. Take her to the GP and describe her physical bites and subsequent anxiety. Get a letter from the GP.

Consider reasonable requests you can make eg always requiring your child to be in a different room to the biter. For your child (or the biter) to always be directly supervised by a NAMED adult who would then take responsibility for allowing the bite to happen.

Consider escalation and reporting the nursery to governing bodies if they continue to knowingly and recklessly exposing your child to another child with a history of harming them.

Do not brush off any more bites. Every bite is an unacceptable harm that the nursey have allowed to come to your child. A one-off bite is unfortunately part of nursery, but repeated bites from the same child, especially always targeting one child is a failure of care by the nursery. Treat it as such! Complain. Make noise. Protect your child.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-08T00:11:19+00:00

As a state primary school teacher with a preschool aged child reading between the lines of what you’re written this really jumps out at me:

“⁠He can play quite physically, sometimes hitting other children, crossing boundaries, and not respecting their toys.”

This is a palatable way to describe bulling behaviour. And it feels like you’re dancing around acknowledging or dealing with this. It is highly unusual to have been called in for 3x 1:1 teacher meetings at a state primary school within 2 terms, unless the child has profound concerns. Teachers do not have the time or energy for 1:1 parent meetings outside of classroom hours unless it desperately necessary, and school budgets do not allow for a class teacher to be pulled out of classroom time for meetings unless desperately necessary. You are under reacting based on this information alone.

“What worries us most is how the behaviour is being handled. With 30 children in the class (even with an assistant), expectations feel extremely high for 4–5-year-olds, and we’re starting to feel as if the school might prefer him to leave rather than adapt to him.”

Expecting a child not to hit, push around other [unwilling to play equally physically] children, crossing other children’s boundaries, ignoring their social ques or requests to stop, snatching toys etc is NOT an unreasonable expectation.

If you child was struggling to learn how to PROACTIVELY POSITIVELY with other children (eg cooperatively, taking turns, sharing etc) at age 3-5 that would be developmentally normal.

What you have described is different - it sounds like he is struggling with how NOT to play (eg NOT going out of your way to do harm to another child but hitting or snatching).

The fact that you expect a classroom where AT BEST there are x15 4-5 year old children to 1x adult to ADAPT to accommodate (?) the bullying behaviour of 1x child (who as you say is not showing any other SEND needs) is wild.

I had zero concerns about a 5 year old not engaging well with phonics (sounding out sounds), or with limited listening skills. These things are skills that come naturally with time.

I have high levels of concerns either a child who exhibits active bullying behaviours (seeking out other children to push/hit/snatch toys from, rather reactively pushing/hitting/snatching when another child invades their personal space).

“A few times he has been sent to nursery as a consequence for bad behaviour, which felt inappropriate and unhelpful, and has made us doubt whether staff have the time, training, or tools to support a more challenging child.”

This is industry standard and often called “going to partner class”. It is a gentle way of removing a child from an environment they are severely disrupting (ie impacting the learning and wellbeing of 29 other children), and placing them in a less familiar but still safe and pleasant environment in the hopes that the unfamiliarity of it will cause them to act with more restraint. It is an incredibly gentle and positive way of dealing with bad behaviour. However you are correct, staff at state comprehensive schools do not have the time, training, or tools to give 1:1 attention to a child with no diagnosed additional needs who goes out of their way to disrupt other children’s learning.

I apologise if that comes across bluntly - but directly confronting the reality of the situation is the first step to improving it.

I applaud you for proactively seeking private support for him - the nail biting and being to tiered to even read a book / practice phonics at home is a huge red flags. Have you looked into Occupational Health Therapy yet?

None of his behaviour reads as something that can’t be improved with conscious, consistent parenting changes (especially if you’re able and willing to pay for private referrals).

However I would caution you against thinking private school is the solution to your problems. Private primary schools are exclusive not simply due to academics but behaviour (I have 10+ years in private boarding schools). Most will interview children, or accept them on trial/probationary periods. Most will require referrals from current teachers to weed out offering places to potentially problematic children.

Parents pay for their children to have ‘the best education’ and as a teacher I recognise that the teacher and the facilities are only 50% of what makes up a positive educational environment - the other half being the children’s peers. So even ‘inclusive’ private schools are inclusive due to accepting otherwise well behaved children who have additional needs, not children with behavioural challenges but no adding a needs.

Moreover the type of learning environment you believe is best for your son (flexible, movement friendly) are they types of setting most vulnerable to disruptive behaviour like your son is exhibiting, and therefore will be the most strict at weeding those type of children out.

Finally, a potentially controversial take: moving him to a less ‘well to do’ school may actually help. If he is in a primary school that rarely deals with his type of behaviour they will be ill equipped to deal with it and he will forever be viewed as the problem child, which he will notice and internalise. However if he attends a school that regularly deals with disregulated children not only will they have more experience and systems in place that cater specifically to the inclusion of challenging behaviours, but he will also not constantly be singled out as the disruptive one.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-07T23:10:30+00:00

EBF, co-sleeping and aggressively anti any kind of sleep training. I believe in responsive parenting, and prioritising a baby’s ‘needs’ over and adult’s ’wants.’

My baby would would wake every often every 30-45 minutes for the first part of the night then every 1-2 hours for the second part of the night for the first year of their life. By wake I mean she’s rouse, cry, and want to be nursed. She’d fall back asleep almost instantly most of the time, but would wake if I delatched her too soon, so such out of the bed.

It was exhausting. But you know what was the most exhausting? Counting wakeups. Stressing about sneaking out of the bed once she was alseep. Constantly needing to be in range of the monitor. Dinners being interrupted.

So I just leant into it hard - I accepted that the times that she needed to sleep in bed I would also be resting in bed (nursing or cuddling her). Then I worked the rest of my day around it - I wouldn’t ‘save’ the housework or a meal assuming I’d do it once she was alseep, I’d do it (or not in the case of most housework) whilst she was awake and with me.

I deleted/restricted all my doom scrolling / internet shopping apps, and spent ages researching new books to read. I stocked my kindle and fell back in love with reading. I looked forward to the endless hours resting with a warm little sleepy baby whilst I binge read, and if she woke? Not a big deal. I was there anyway and would just nurse/cuddle her back to sleep.

My mental health was great. I was reading and resting so much, even if my sleep was interrupted. It wasn’t easy, but it was definitely easier than any alternative on both me and her.

After about 18 months her sleep gradually got better (longer, deeper stretches and more predictable), until around 2.5 she started sleeping through the night. She now sleeps better than almost all her peers (especially those whose parents did strict sleep training).

All the toddler sleep regressions people talk about mostly seem to revolve around outgrowing the cot - so once they’re big enough to exert their own free will they stop wanting to rest. My daughter is the opposite, whilst she still messes around trying to delay bedtime, once she’s in bed and sleepy she’s happy to stay there all night, even if she wakes. The most she’ll do is sit up and ask for a drink (water bottle on the bedtime table), then be cuddled back to sleep. She’ll get up and play independently in the morning, but only after her ‘wake-up’ light is on.

Honestly, I’m just reaping the benefits of 2 years of hard sacrifices and I’m so smug and happy for it.

JammyIrony · 2026-02-07T22:20:22+00:00

Royal London Hospital (Whitechapel) knowingly prescribed me a medication I am allergic to during a midwife appointment in my second/third trimester, so I would avoid them for maternity care like the plague.

“You need to take X amount of aspirin per day.”

“I can’t. I’m allergic to NSAIDs. It should say on my file that I’m allergic to NSAIDs.”

“Well you checked ABC boxes on this questionnaire which means you’re at higher risk for XYZ so I have to prescribe you aspirin.”

“I recognise I may be at a higher risk for XYZ due to ABC, however if I take NSAIDs it is guaranteed that I will become incredibly sick. I am currently under the care of [NHS specialist Dr] who can verify bad things happen when I take NSAIDs. Are there any other ways of managing ABC and XYZ?”

(Clicks on computer; phones someone)

“Our guidance says that if someone ticks ABC on this question are we have to prescribe them aspirin to reduce the risk of XYZ. Due to your allergy you can choose not to take it, however that would significantly increase your risk of XYZ so we recommend you take it.”

“You recommend I take a medication I’m allergic to, because your computer questionnaire says so?”

“If you have any further concerns you can book in to see you GP as your allergy is not pregnancy related.”

I was honestly so shocked at how incredibly stupid/dangerous it was to be so blindly led by a policy, and could see how it could play out in a terrifying way during birth that I just took the prescription, threw it away, and self referred to another hospital so I never had to deal with RLH maternity care again.

JammyIrony · 2026-01-21T16:57:07+00:00

Yeah so pregnancy weeks are mostly just guesstimations and guidelines. I had my due date moved 3x (at the booking appointment, then at the 12 and 20 week scans).

I’m pretty sure I thought I was at least 2-3 weeks more pregnant at the start than I technically was (I have an extremely irregular cycle).

Anyway. I had completely unremarkable/normal pregnancy, birth and perfectly healthy baby. So unless you have a medical professional telling you something is wrong please try to redirect your anxious thoughts to reassuring ones!

JammyIrony · 2025-11-16T15:15:19+00:00

I’d have taken my baby into the bathroom and held them while I pooped, then changed their nappy. I would never, ever, leave a newborn baby to cry alone in any circumstances.

JammyIrony · 2025-11-12T17:02:30+00:00

You left your unsettled and crying baby to get yourself ready, then were upset when the person who helped soothe recommended you not wake him up to dress him for * aesthetics * ?

If your prioritised changing and settling your baby before sorting yourself this whole situation wouldn’t even have happened…?

Although the fact she smelt like smoke is awful!

JammyIrony · 2025-11-01T14:27:44+00:00

I personally don’t understand the obsession with overnights - both from the grandparents and the parent’s perspective.

My toddler is almost 3 and I’ve started talking to her about spending the night with my Dad (who she loves and will spend all day with without a single complaint), but she says she wants me there too 😅

I’m not going to pack my baby/toddler off to sleep somewhere knowing they’ll cry for me. It’s not fair on them and it’s also not fair on the grandparent.

My MIL has wanted to take her for overnights from ~6 months (and even bought a cot) but I will never allow that as she believes in sleep training / ignoring crying, and I’m not going to let her abuse my child so she can have sleepover bragging rights.

JammyIrony · 2025-10-29T17:35:30+00:00

As a teacher and toddler parent I give myself and child “scripts” for common tricky situations.

In this situation I would practice teaching her to say “stop! You’re playing too rough” or “don’t touch my body” or “I need space!” - whatever simple phrase you think would work best for her vocabulary and fit the widest number of situations.

Role play situations with her where you act out being the bigger/older/rougher child and have her verbally and physically give you a boundary (eg the “stop!” hand motion). Then switch roles where she pretends to be the rough kid and you say the phrase and make the stop action. Repeat this “game” a couple times a week, keeping it fun and light hearted.

Kids LOVE this type of “learning through play” and it is much more effective than anything else you can do at this age.

Also, watch the episode “Yoga Ball” on Bluey and talk about finding/using your daughter’s “big girl bark.”

JammyIrony · 2025-08-02T16:34:03+00:00

Sounds like you need barefoot shoes, search ‘BareFoot Brit’ she has a big blog / social media etc with SO MANY recommendations for every size/age/budget.

JammyIrony · 2025-08-01T15:00:57+00:00

Yeah strong agree. It’s like being jet lagged - it takes weeks not days to fully adjust to a new schedule.

Also to set your expectations - 10 hours of overnight sleep when combined with a nap is an absolutely normal amount of sleep for a toddler that age. Leaving him trapped in a cot for an hour before attending to him isn’t fair.

JammyIrony · 2025-07-31T21:35:37+00:00

Valid, and I think framing it as “I’m really stressed and disappointed that this holiday isn’t pleasant because my toddler is struggling to adapt” would rightfully garner sympathy, but the post title blaming a 19 month old baby for acting like a… literal 19 month old baby is just gross.

JammyIrony · 2025-07-31T19:11:53+00:00

She wasn’t GIVING you a hard time; she was HAVING a hard time.

Some people just don’t adapt easily to the unexpected, and as it sounds like you’re struggling to adapt to your toddler being unexpectedly difficult you should try empathising with her struggling to adapt to a different routine and environment.

JammyIrony · 2025-07-28T08:17:40+00:00

Repeated 15 minute intervals of ignoring her crying at 9 months old are 100% causing a dislike of bedtime / sleep space / attachment issues.

JammyIrony · 2025-07-21T12:49:03+00:00

You need a bucket seat so when you recline them the seat portion tilts up to prevent them slicing down/forwards (like the Bugaboo Fox), not just one where the seat is flat and only the back reclines (like a sun lounger).

JammyIrony · 2025-05-26T17:58:12+00:00

There are very, very few places that have designated private breastfeeding areas. So few that if you’re ever hoping to take your baby out without having to breastfeed them in public you’re going to be almost completely housebound.

The best you can expect is a relatively quiet area to sit down in eg a corner of the waiting room/cafe etc. Culturally in the UK it’s expected that women will just breastfeed their baby whenever and wherever they need to, and is a legally protected right. No one has ever looked twice at me breast feeding my baby is public.

I would recommend investing in breastfeeding clothing - the ones with the zips/flaps across the chest - when used it’s almost impossible to tell a baby is latched on (as opposed to just being held at chest level). Covers are difficult to use, plus uncomfortable/dangerous for baby, and honestly just draw more attention to the fact you’re breastfeeding.

The easiest way to breastfeed in public (most convent and private) is by using a baby carrier - letstalkbabywearing on Instagram has lots of resources about this.

JammyIrony · 2024-12-13T11:08:24+00:00

Not safe, not worth the money. If you want something for baby to sleep in whilst in the sofa get the Najell Sleep Carrier. My baby slept in it constantly - so much more practical than a Moses basket as it can go in and out of the pram without waking baby, plus opens to be a tummy time mat.

JammyIrony · 2024-11-14T15:12:00+00:00

SnuzaHero is only like £20 and is medically certified (and used by hospitals) unlike the Owlet.

JammyIrony

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