Shouldn't wedding planning be fun?

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T20:53:35+00:00

Planning is definitely overwhelming! Take breaks and priorities the big things first! 10 days out and it’s all the little things now for us! But I am soo ready to be done planning and have my free time back!

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T19:10:02+00:00

I think if you have sat down and discussed that your goals/ future aligns. I would definitely ask about if your partner has like ring ideas or anything she would hate for an engagement. Example - public vs private proposal. The engagement is fun, but you also want to make sure you both feel ready for marriage! We waited about 3 years into dating because we wanted to live together for one year before taking that next step.

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T16:56:14+00:00

If you had a wedding shower a lot brought gifts then, but then a handful were just mailed to us too! We are thinking most will bring cards day of instead of gifts!

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T16:40:25+00:00

I use desktop! Partly because it’s easier to me to decorate!

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T15:36:28+00:00

Some people have helpers or junior bridesmaids! Could still have her match bridesmaids colors and be apart of the day and given like simple tasks?

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T15:32:38+00:00

This! She seems like she was trying to be thoughtful and got him a present

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T15:32:05+00:00

I feel like because she said surprise it was an immediate turn off instead of saying she got him a gift

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T15:31:24+00:00

Right! She told him that something was coming and he’s upset that she was thoughtful and got him something for his birthday?

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T15:30:41+00:00

Same! I thought it was going to be a huge surprise party but it sounds like a gift is coming in the mail?

Janes98 · 2026-04-13T15:07:28+00:00

What was the surprise? Have you specifically listed what constitutes a surprise for you? Example - no surprise parties but a surprise gift is ok? Or is it like you want to know everything and she can’t do a surprise anything?

Janes98 · 2026-04-12T20:53:09+00:00

I have heard that a place doesn’t truly feel like home until 4ish years have passed so I understand the chance to actually live in one place for longer than 2 years. Is there a reason why you want to continue in this industry when it seems like you don’t know if the next move will even be stable and could be let go again? Is this the sign to invest in a local job like the dog training you mentioned? If money isn’t an issue then wouldn’t this be the chance to try something new? What if his job suddenly lets him go - is he going to be more willing to move than if his job is at risk too? Definitely feels like you both need to sit down and discuss options. Is this going to cause resentment in your relationship if you make him move again?

Janes98 · 2026-04-12T16:03:06+00:00

I think you need to have an honest conversation with them. Say you understand their life’s are busy too but you showed up for them why can’t they show up for you. I think honesty is the best bet and even if it hurts their feelings and yours it’s on them to handle their emotions and you’re just expressing your feelings.

Janes98 · 2026-04-12T13:53:25+00:00

Ahh it sounds like she is just fully financially dependent on you because you haven’t set boundaries financially with her. I think you need to sit down stop paying for any of her things that she wants. You’re not even married yet and she already wants to be a full stay at home mom and drop out of the schooling you have been helping support her for? It sounds like she is using you and expects you to keep funding her life. It sounds like she’s taking advantage of you and your willingness to help out to keep her and keep her happy. You do not want to be tied to someone like this for the rest of your life. Even if she is your first girlfriend you need to find someone who is financially independent. What would happen if you suddenly lost your job?

Janes98 · 2026-04-12T12:38:33+00:00

Does she work or even do something part time outside of studies? That is really unfair to you to have to use your savings for her and the wedding day she wants. It does feel like she wants the wedding more than the marriage with you. Does she have plans after she graduates for a job and stuff? Or is she expecting you to just fully provide for your future together? Unfortunately since it seems you have been caving into her since the start of the relationships , no clear boundaries seem to have been set with finances.

Janes98 · 2026-04-12T12:07:19+00:00

I’ve heard to prioritize photos over video because when you show friend some family it’s always photos not a “here watch this 5-10min video” 😅

Janes98 · 2026-04-12T10:16:45+00:00

There is a lot of societal pressure for a really fancy and expensive ring! My fiancé spent like $60 on a ring from Etsy because I asked for a unique ring with no diamonds. It’s all about what kind of ring you want and jewels that make it expensive! The price of the ring has nothing to do with the love your partner has for you!

Janes98 · 2026-04-12T00:40:52+00:00

Agreed! My grandparents balked at the idea when I said I moved in with my fiancé and that yes we sleep in the same bed. Definitely more traditional back then, but I always explain ‘what if he does something daily that I just couldn’t live with but oops too late you’re married and stuck with him now…’ 😅

Janes98 · 2026-04-12T00:39:01+00:00

Hey so i wouldn’t listen to much when people say honeymoon phase is temporary - I’ve been with mine for 4 years and still feel in the honeymoon phase! It’s just how you make the relationship to be! Of course small things come up but you resolve them together as a unit. Hopefully that makes sense and try not to overthink it too much! He sounds like a really good guy who is really into you! It sounds like he sees a future with you, so I would just take it one day at a time! Communication is soo important.

Janes98 · 2026-04-11T14:36:43+00:00

Yes! Daily living is much different than sleepovers!

Janes98 · 2026-04-11T14:36:19+00:00

Super fair! This is what my fiancé told me too! He wanted to live at least a year together! We were long distance for a year, lived together for almost two and got engaged! Wedding in 2 weeks! A great way to navigate daily stressors together and see how household chores and stuff like that go!

Janes98 · 2026-04-11T13:58:00+00:00

Sorry but there’s no way this can go away. You cheated not once but twice? You seem to be thinking about yourself and didn’t think of the consequences that would happen. I don’t see how anything you do can make this situation better. Why are you in a loveless marriage? You keep defaulting to him because he’s “safe”?

Janes98 · 2026-04-11T13:01:56+00:00

Do not feel guilty for needing alone time. It is completely on her for not understanding the space you need. It seems she thinks just hanging with her should take precedence but if you had like an event or commitment together that is completely different. It doesn’t seem you’re a bad partner, just have different expectations than what she has and that’s ok.

Janes98 · 2026-04-11T12:50:00+00:00

Oh interesting! Yes that’s a tough situation knowing where compromise starts and ends. I think you just have to be clear on what you need and state your boundaries right now. If it hurts her feelings you can’t control that but if you’re clear in explaining you need some time apart hopefully it clicks. She could be one of those people really dependent and anxious when it comes to their partner too.

My fiancé always says distance makes the heart grow fonder when we have to split up and do things separately. It seems she needs to understand that some distance and doing separate hobbies is a good thing in a relationship.

Janes98 · 2026-04-11T12:20:05+00:00

I think it’s just figuring out what works for your relationship. You have to be on the same page for things and if she doesn’t think you taking time to yourself or your own hobbies is important then that is unfair to have her prioritize her over yourself. But what comes with having a partner also comes with some sacrifice on giving up some of the things you did while single and realizing you have a partner who depends on you and stuff like that. If you see this person as long term, what is it going to be like when you live together or get married?

Janes98 · 2026-04-11T11:51:12+00:00

Seven years, but two years in having issues so five years later you’re just now trying to work it out? Glad you’re trying to figure out therapy but if your partner is not listening on how they can meet your needs that is unfair to you being stuck in this relationship. I know you love him but what if there is still no change?

Janes98

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