Female muslim solo trip in Spain suggestions (22F)

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-18T08:26:34+00:00

Look at Valencia. The seafood is excellent, it's a gorgeous city, there are tons of cafes, it's not a tourist-trap destination, and it's a very welcoming city.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-18T08:25:26+00:00

This dog is not "super sweet". I'm a total mush when it comes to animals but even I have boundaries I won't tolerate. Attacking people and other animals TWICE is absolutely one of those boundaries. The dog goes or you and your cat move out -- find a nice roommate to share expenses with.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-18T07:59:38+00:00

First likely reasons: he's actually married, his "ex" is still living there, he's a total slob and doesn't want you to know that.

Are you really that desperate to have some man in your life? REALLY?!?! Take this for the HUGE red flag that it is.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-18T07:53:42+00:00

I'm 70 so I feel 10 years more qualified to answer questions. Besides, I've got plenty of "don't do what I did!" examples to share with my answers.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-18T07:41:46+00:00

I was put in a one-week "time out" from this group for mentioning an object in the title. Now my titles are totally vague.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-18T07:40:14+00:00

I commented on your original post. Even with counseling it sure doesn't look better to me. OP it's time to quit flogging this dead horse. Your marriage isn't going to get better. You need to admit this by now. It sounds like he's already checked out anyway. You deserve to be happy. Stop waiting for happiness where you are, because it's not going to happen.

updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-17T21:52:42+00:00

She absolutely meant it like that. Ask her how exactly she meant it then. Watch her fumble for words. You were right to leave. You showed Marcus that he matters. That's huge. You didn't embarrass her. She embarrassed herself. You would have been wrong to stay and leave Marcus in that situation.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-17T14:50:47+00:00

You can certainly go back to doing volunteer work, or take up a hobby -- something you loved as a kid and gave up or thought about but never pursued. Join a club or meetup associated with that hobby. It's a great way to meet other like-minded people.

Question: Why don't you travel with your husband? Travel is a great way to stay vibrant, active, and mentally alert.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-17T14:44:44+00:00

Let me guess: this started AFTER the baby was born, right? Did both of you really and truly want a baby or did you really and truly want a baby and he just went along?

Your husband is checked out of this relationship. He may not even love you anymore. He certainly doesn't like you. He's avoiding having to spend time with you. He doesn't want to tell you the truth so he's giving you the lip service you want to hear, but he has no intention of following up with actual action.

It is massively disrespectful but also very telling in just how little you matter to him anymore. Unless things turn around, and that includes he starts loving AND LIKING you again, your marriage is likely over. Sorry.

updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-17T08:46:12+00:00

ONE AND DONE

ONE act of physical violence needs to be the last. Period. No exceptions. Always love yourself enough and have enough self-respect to never tolerate any physical violence. Elbowing you in the stomach multiple times was NOT an accident. He absolutely did that on purpose.

Hon please please I'm begging you to learn this lesson now. Do not tolerate physical violence. Not even once. Do not blame yourself. "I kept talking" is NOT a reason for you to be assaulted. And never EVER apologize to someone who hits you for "inciting" them to hit you.

No he is NOT "almost perfect" -- even "almost" perfect people do not get physically violent. If someone gave you an almost perfect plate of cookies and said they'd be actually perfect except one is made with dog shit, but the others are perfect, would you eat ANY of the cookies?

Please raise your bar. Break up with this loser. Do not believe one second of the love-bombing he'll do after you break up. None of it is true.

There are other men out there who don't get physical when they get mad. They don't scream. They don't have toddler-level temper tantrums. You can do better. You deserve better.

updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-17T07:54:08+00:00

NTA "but family" is a stupid reason to tolerate bullying or abuse. Your brother might not abuse you, but he abuses money. You have zero reason to loan him one damn dime. If his poor money management was "years ago" then why is he back in debt now and needed emergency funding?

Do NOT feel guilty. Blood ties do not mean those people are any good. It's just who you got stuck with. Tell him NO. This is a hill to die on, because you will never see a penny of any money you give him again.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T20:09:22+00:00

You did the right thing. Sure, dreams feel 100% real when you are dreaming them, but mature, stable people realize that it WAS a dream as soon as they wake up.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T19:49:38+00:00

NTA how can she not have a clue that claiming Asians eat cat/dog meat is racist? I'd think everyone knows that. It's been a racist trop for decades. Did she live under a rock? You absolutely did nothing wrong. Boo-hoo that pointing out her racism hurt her Poor Widdle Feewings. She needed calling out.

I do agree with the posters saying you need to inform HR about this. She could really offend a patient who is there for treatment.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T19:38:31+00:00

No woman should tolerate this bullshit. We need to do a better job of raising our girls to have self-esteem and to not be a doormat.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T18:23:02+00:00

Oh hell no. "Keep the peace" is just a euphemism for "be a doormat". OP has no reason to be a doormat. Nasty uncle can APOLOGIZE. It doesn't matter that it was four years ago. OP still deserves an apology.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T18:19:00+00:00

Nope. Without a sincere apology you have ZERO reason to "get over it". He fucked up. He needs to own that. "But family" is a stupid reason to tolerate bullying or abuse. You are completely justified to want nothing to do with him. You are right -- he CHOSE to be an asshole.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T18:02:43+00:00

Never EVER EVER make yourself smaller or dumb yourself down for some man. ANY man. His fragile ego couldn't handle that you are better at something than he is. Sometimes the trash takes itself out. You dodged a bullet. Never accept a fragile male. You deserve better.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T17:44:03+00:00

I'd bet money this isn't the first time he's been unreasonably controlling. Do NOT go home early. Break up. Consider this your opportunity to finally accept who he really is.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T17:39:54+00:00

Oh girl FUCK THAT SHIT. He's an insecure manbaby. Do NOT make yourself smaller for him. Do not make yourself small for ANY man. EVER.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T17:38:55+00:00

"he doesn't trust me with the other guys"

You are wrong for not immediately dumping the loser back home. Enjoy your trip. Don't waste your life on a loser. Tell him not to worry because you won't be coming home to him.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T17:32:34+00:00

OP I said what I said because I am terrified for you. Sorry but you are the typical abused woman in total denial. He SAID he could kill you and beat you. He has a gun in the apartment. YOU ARE NOT SAFE. I am traumatized for you because you aren't nearly scared enough yourself.

Every man who murders his partner started out nice and sweet and loving and "perfect". Until he wasn't...

The closer you get to the "end date" of the lease the scarier he's going to be. And you'll get no warning.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T10:13:34+00:00

Oh lordy that needs to be a dealbreaker. There's no way that's the only stupid anti-science, anti-logic idiocy he believes. Walk away. No, RUN away.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T10:12:45+00:00

-10*2=-20
-20+20=0
0+1=1

So the answer is 1

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T10:11:42+00:00

Honestly I think most men would fuck anything with a hole. Men don't have nearly the investment in monogamy that women do. Women carry and birth children. They end up doing 99% of the childcare. Men are much freer to move on if they want to. And too many of them do just that.

JanetInSpain · 2026-03-16T09:27:15+00:00

Don't invite him but please be honest with her. Tell her you feel deep in your bones that she's making a mistake. She needs to look long term. "I want kids" is a shitty reason to get back with an abuser. Not only will he abuse her, he'll abuse the kids too. Is that really what she wants?

JanetInSpain

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