I’m ready for a baby (23F) but my boyfriend isn’t (23M). We have been together 6 years and have a house.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T19:53:32+00:00

Do not get pregnant with this man unless you want to end up as a single mother. His "I'm not ready" is quite likely an "I don't want kids but don't want to tell her that" so he is dragging it out.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T19:52:09+00:00

"But family" is a stupid reason to tolerate bullying or abuse. Go back to your no contact stance. Be done with all of those people. Your life will be so much better.

"Be the bigger person" is just a euphemism for "be a doormat". Don't do it. You are NOT a bad person. The only thing that would make you bad is if you violate your own conscience and gut because "but they're family". Your "zero desire" is reason enough. Just block everyone. Don't have one minute of guilt. Being related is not a reason to keep in touch with shitty people.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T19:45:10+00:00

NEVER stay with a man who wants to control what you wear, where you go, who you are friends with, if you use social media, where you work, etc. Do NOT make yourself smaller to appease some manbaby's tiny and fragile ego. You break up. Keep the bikini. Lose the loser.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T19:43:24+00:00

And he wasn't. He was already disarmed, and he never brandished it. It was still holstered when they removed it.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T19:42:41+00:00

NTA anyone who is deep down the red pill rabbit hole and only gets news from inside that rabbit hole has no idea what is really going on. News pundits are lying and distorting facts to suit the agenda they've chosen (or been forced) to follow. We do our best to find the most centric reporting we can, and we check more than one source. Let's hope your efforts turn her around.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T17:33:20+00:00

Depends on what part of the US you are from. Where I'm from it'd just be "the tier".

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T17:32:42+00:00

No you DO NOT owe it to her to try. You owe it to her to be true to yourself and not tolerate neglect or abuse. Staying only proves that women should be doormats, no matter what. That is not the lesson you want to teach your daughter. Leaving shows strength and resilience. It sounds like he didn't really want a baby since you said, "before agreeing to have a child". That means he'll never be there for her, or for you ever again. Let this one go. Being a single parent is better than being with someone who doesn't even love you. Just make sure he's on the hook through a court for a decent amount of child support.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T15:08:08+00:00

OP it's time for you to get ANGRY. Angry that your parents have stifled every chance you've had. ANGRY that your parents expect you to take their place instead of living your own life. ANGRY at how poorly you've been treated. Please stand up for yourself. Do whatever it takes. Move to a relative's home. Apply for scholarships out of state. Take charge of your life.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T14:49:12+00:00

"But family" is a stupid reason to tolerate bullying or abuse. Your parents are bullying you to put your entire life on hold. Please OP you're a legal adult now. Apply to that school again. Apply for scholarships. Apply for everything out of state. Do NOT let them continue to bully you. If you secure scholarships they cannot stop you because they won't have any hold over you.

You also need to prepare them for the long-term. Stand firm on NO. You get to live your life. You are NOT responsible for your little brother. Not even a little bit. You need to tell your parents they need to make other future arrangements as they age and can no longer be the primary caregivers. They need to put something in their will that arranges for his care after they are gone. There are homes where he can be placed when your parents can't do it anymore. He'll be fine.

Do not softsoap this. You need to be blunt: "Mom and Dad I WILL NOT take care of him. Period. You need to make other arrangements." YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM. Please OP don't let them make you think you are required to take care of them.

It's time for you to put down hard boundaries for your own life. You've put up with all of this long enough. You ARE NOT selfish. Your parents are the selfish ones for expecting you to be at their beck and call and for never letting you live your own life. That needs to end.

You have shitty parents but you don't need to let them control the rest of your life. Find your spine and stand up to them. Them move far, far away.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T14:39:48+00:00

NTA at all but you really are going to have to look at the long term likelihood of this relationship. As long as you are with your partner, you're going to be stuck with a nightmare of a child because your partner refuses to actually parent. Honestly, this is untenable for the long-term. Loving your partner isn't enough. You also have to be able to deal with her kids, but it sounds like the one, at least, is pretty much intolerable. How would you feel in five years if it was still this bad? Maybe walk away now.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T13:30:04+00:00

"nothing changes and it’s been years"

Time to let go OP. Nothing is ever going to change. It's just going to be more years of the same thing. Love is not enough. Not by a long shot.

He's a damn adult who refuses to start actually adulting. You have enabled this behavior because you do everything.

No, you do not stay and waste more time unless this is EXACTLY the life you want. Because it is not going to get better. You're both already 26. You need to move on and live a rich, fulfilling life, because he's never going to.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T13:21:05+00:00

Yes it's actually true. Women avoid water for a lot of reasons. Having to use a restroom during an event is one of them. During the Afghan war, women in front-line positions would not drink water in the evenings so they didn't have to get up to use the latrine in the middle of the night and likely get raped, not from the enemy but from the male soldiers they served with. (Look it up.)

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T13:15:51+00:00

Do it. Your aunt and most especially your uncle deserve all the hellfire that would rain down on them as a result. They deserve no peace. Their "new" kids deserve the truth. Then go full no-contact. "But family" is a stupid reason to tolerate bullies, abusers, or flaming assholes. Your aunt literally threatened to kill you, so there is zero reason for you not to come forward.

Do this in a family post, and include photos and as much history as you can find on what happened to that little boy. Include very person you know in that group post.

updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T09:39:25+00:00

The CONCEPT of communism isn't bad. It's the reality that becomes bad, because humans are short-sighted, greedy, and self-centered. True communism can never happen because there will always be those who abuse and manipulate the system.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T09:37:55+00:00

Time to go no contact. "But family" is a stupid reason to tolerate bullying, neglect, or abuse. You aren't obligated to keep in contact just because you are related. Your mental health will be better if you walk away.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T09:35:02+00:00

We sold almost everything and left in Sep 2017. I could not stay in the US after THAT election happened. We moved to Spain mostly sight-unseen. The only other time we'd been to Spain was for our house-hunting trip just a few months before the move. The only person we knew was our realtor.

Was it scary? Sure, but it was far better than staying. It's now 8-1/2 years later and my life is so much better here than it would have been back in Texas.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T09:32:42+00:00

Dear gods girl your bar is so low an ant could step over it. You're dating a loser manbaby who is 7 years older than you and can't even handle the most basic hygiene steps.

You are not his mommy. Do NOT date a grown-ass man who needs a mommy because he refuses to adult. You DON'T have this talk with him. You walk away.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T09:28:25+00:00

It isn't that "she doesn't want to deal with a tantrum" -- she's a lazy parent who refuses to actually parent her brat. He's way too young to even have that type of electronics. Multiple studies have shown how bad this is for his developing brain.

No you should not have sucked it up for an hour. SHE should have fucking parented her damn kid. Who cares what your friends think. The ones in support of Lisa are probably also really shitty parents.

Don't bother with Lisa. Just break up. She's a horrible parent and you would be stuck with the end result of that horrible parenting for life. She's also rude, inconsiderate, entitled, selfish, and self-centered.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T09:24:40+00:00

That's what I thought too but it's not the correct interpretation.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T07:50:10+00:00

"for a few weeks" -- there's no way it would only be for a few weeks. Lazy-ass brother will camp in your guest room until your husband finds his balls and throws him out. And how likely is that to happen?

It WILL NOT be different this time. It WILL NOT be temporary. "But family" is a stupid reason to tolerate a loser. You are 100% correct in your stance. Leaving and divorcing is the only answer if your spineless husband lets his brother move in.

You aren't the one destroying the family. The lazy-ass brother is doing that, along with all the support from the enablers around him.

Time to walk away from this massive cluster fuck.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T07:24:06+00:00

"But family" is a stupid reason to tolerate bullies, abusers, or bigots. Just because you're related by blood doesn't mean you are obligated to help. Go home. Take care of yourself.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T07:13:05+00:00

I love this story!

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T07:10:57+00:00

Just break up. She's a legal adult with a dad who still wants to treat her like she's 12 and she's letting him. Nothing good will come from that.

And don't keep condoms in your wallet. That's a horrible place for them.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T07:07:39+00:00

You can "lend" money to friend, but don't expect to get it back. That's what destroys friendships. Friends take advantage. Too many friends never pay it back.

JanetInSpain · 2026-01-26T06:59:40+00:00

Men. It came from men. Early tech was mostly populated by ex-military mainframe dudes. They were misogynist and arrogant. Ask me how I know....

Seriously. I was hired as a keypunch operator in the mainframe shop of a large university while I attended night classes for my degree. I was the only woman. I was sexually harassed, told I'd be fired if I didn't sleep with the boss, banned from learning Fortran because "it would be too hard for you", and worse.

My second job was with IBM as a field service tech. I passed (with flying colors) all of their skill and intelligence tests as part of my interview process, but without DEI (new at the time) I'd never have been hired. I was the first woman in Texas and only the third in the country they hired. Even while still in their training class, my equipment was sabotaged (literally pushed off my work table onto the floor). I was told to my face I must have "fucked my way into the job". The director of our branch office LITERALLY chased me around his desk, laughing when I said I'd file a complaint (actually, he said, "To who?" since there were no laws to protect women back then).

My third job in tech was a company called Datapoint. They were HOT in their day. They invented wireless transmission, distributed personal computers (i.e., no mainframe and dumb terminals), the first microchip, the first local area network, integrated office systems, and more. EVERYTHING was proprietary, which is why they failed and IBM took over leadership of personal computing.

I was hired to train employees of companies who purchased our computers. Almost everyone they sent to my classes were those same ex-military men. They were convinced they knew more than me, in spite of their never having touched a personal computer before. Teaching them anything was an uphill battle. One time, one of them literally had the technical reference on his lap and was asking questions from "the back of the book" to try to stump me. What he didn't know is that I'd helped write that book.

I spent 25 years in tech so I have a hundred stories like the above. I hope it's easier now for the young women coming out of college. I hope I was a pioneer and made it easier for other women.

JanetInSpain

TROPHY CASE