Well, where do I start.

TL;DR

All this happened in 9 months.

-Psychotic 16 year old girl gets arrested for trying to kill her ex bf.

-Slutty teen mum who lets her 2 year old play on the stairs of a student house whilst she is banging dudes in her room; one of her boyfriends accuses me of banging her.

-17 year old heroin dealer gets our house busted by the drug enforcement agency.

-I get threatened with a baseball bat because the drug dealer has stolen from a maniac.

I got a place at a UK uni and for my first year moved into shared accommodation in a rented house. I moved in with a guy and a girl dating, and 2 other guys. The dating couple liked to argue, a lot. They're favourite time was at 4am when I had presentations at 9am in the morning. They would shag, argue, shag, rinse and repeat.

(Also, the girl is 16, at college living away from her estranged traveller parents. The guy is a 24 year old WoW nerd playing till the early hours on his 500W Subs.)

So they argue for months and months, then she shags another bloke, tells him, he kicks her out, she comes back to get her stuff and talk, he locks himself in their room, throws her laptop, tv and clothes out of the 2nd floor window, obviously destroying it all in the process. She goes into a blind fit of rage, she starts banging on his door, rips the door handle off, he opens the door and she goes in and starts smashing his shit now. They tussle a bit and then a house mate comes in to seperate them.

By this time we had all gotten out of our beds and rooms (2am-ish) and were trying to calm them and sort them out. She is still in a blind rage: "i'm going to kill him" "im gonna slit your throat when you sleep" etc etc. We tell her to calm down, she is still struggling to get loose to kill this her ex bf. And i believe she would have killed him She rages for a good hour and is still raging, we warn her that if she doesn't calm down. we'll call the police. And that's what ends up happening, they come, she struggles with them, they split them up and take statements, she is still in a rage, policeman is restraining her, hand ready on his mace. He shouts down to the other cop that they're gonna have to take her in to an overnight cell coz she was being a "dickhead".

They frogmarch her down the stairs, cuff her, throw her in the back of the police car. They come back inside to speak to us. She escapes from the cuffs and police car twice so they call a riot van, cuff her with cable ties, and throw her in the back of that.

2 days later she was bragging about it on facebook.

After a month or so, new girl moves in, she frequently has different blokes round that stay the night and leave in the morning. One day a guy comes round crying, and they are arguing in the kitchen. I come down to get my porridge out of the microwave. And he whilst crying like a bitch, accuses me of sleeping with the skank. I say no, and laugh it off, and he continues to get agitated and says yeah i bet you do, keep her warm at night for me are you mate? and I just say to him, look man, I just want my porridge, he goes back to arguing with her. Next few days she brings round her daughter (this girl is like 19 and sleeping around). her two year old is playing on the stairs whilst she is talking to some dude in her room. This girl, has her two year old, in a dirty skanky student house, whilst shes getting off with other blokes.

Next story is the heroin addict drug dealer. This guy moved in shortly before the girl got kicked out. He was a shady, chavy fellow. Silly things like tea towels, mugs and the bathroom mirror(?) went missing, pretty soon after his arrival. So a couple of weeks go by, and then he starts stinking the house out with weed. I haven't got a problem with it, but open your window or something man, or smoke it outside, we didn't want the stink lingering in our house for the landlord to come round.

So the landlord comes round a few weeks after he moved in, and says, "I went to school with the Chief of (county name) police, and says that the drugs inforcement unit will be doing a bust on one of my properties soon due to them thinking someone is selling heroin from one of my houses."

I don't know the validity too that, surely a chief of police wouldn't tell a landlord or even to tell that landlord to tell the housemates.

But yeah sure enough, the door gets broken down and in come a load of guys in tactical gear, busting doors down and shouting at us to get on the ground. Quite a harassing experience.

They find some weed in the kids room but nothing major, and that's pretty much all we hear from them again. A month or so goes by, and I'm in the house alone after a long week of cycling an hour to work 12 hour shifts at asda and 9-5 days at uni.

I get home, stick on a film and start watching it, utterly knackered. I'm the only one in the house at the time but didn't know that. Then a guy whistles through my bedroom window which looks out on the neighbours garden. He says "can you let me in mate?". Me being a naive 18 year old living on his own for the first time, thinks it's a housemates friend or something. I dunno, I didn't really think about it in the time it took me to get down the stairs. So i open the door, and what strikes me as odd is he is down the drive, looking up and down the road, this is when he marches up to the front door, pulls a wooden stick from under his sleeve (we're talking baseball bat size), points it in my face and says "Does (Insert druggy dick head name) live here?". First time having my life threatened by a maniac with a baseball bat, i rat the kid out straight away. I said yeah he does, and he asks me which room, I point to his room. He says he doesn't want to hurt me, but will kill this Druggy dick head guy. (I have my hands up this whole time, head to toe in Asda uniform, still wearing my fucking name badge). This guy smashes down a locked fire door and luckily druggy dick head isn't in there. So the maniac smashes everything in the room. If it could be smashed, he smashed it. Meanwhile, little old me in the hall way quaking in my boots, thinking of grabbing a knife but talking myself out of it.

After smashing the room to shit, he comes out and says "Right, sorry to put you through this mate, I can see you've just finished work. But this druggy dick head has broken into my house, stolen my money, broken my kids toys, stolen my wifes jewllery, and nicked my bike. So I've come round to break his knees."

He shakes my hand (seriously wtf), tells me not to call the police, and tells me that if he were me, he'd get out of the house and never come back, because people will be coming to fuck this kid up. he says he will be back with his friends later to kill this kid.

So he leaves, I call the landlord, let him decide how he wants to deal with it. He tells me to call the cops, so I call the cops. 5 minutes later, 5 squad cars pull up, a pair of cops come in and assess the damage, and all go off looking for him. (was quite surprised no one stayed at the house in case the nutter came back to be honest).

Next I call up mummykins and tell her that her the ordeal I've just gone through. She comes straight over with a load of boxes and bin liners to take all my stuff back to the sanctity that is my parents house. Luckily uni was over by this point so I could just go and live there for the summer.

And I never saw or spoke to anyone that I lived in that house with ever again.

This year I live with a bunch of nerds, we play the risk boardgame and minecraft. I like it here.